I never had luck fitting in.
When I was young,
I learned that I annoyed everyone.
When I talk, it becomes background noise for others.
No one wants to hear me because I make everything somber.
I never wanted to be a bother, so I began to live in stealth.
Ever since, I felt I had to talk to myself.
All I said were hurtful words.
Excruciating thoughts were all I heard.
I made my first friends as a young girl.
I realized, they too, didn't like me.
It must've been me because even their friends despised me.
I grew up, now I have a life of my own.
The tally of people who all hate me has drastically grown.
People who pretend to tolerate me, but in the end their cover is blown.
I never thought I was the problem before.
But when you make close friends and even they don't want you,
It becomes hard to ignore.
I guess I say things that aren't great because people always push me away.
Since I was young, I questioned everything I say.
I'm always riddled with anxiety to come off brute.
Can someone tell me what I did to make everyone so aloof?
I'm sad, even new people I meet seem to feel I'm bleak.
But I guess I get it now, everything about me is weak.
I can't do anything right- eat, sleep, or speak.
I just want to be alone because by myself, I can't be a burden.
If I was alone, everyone would feel better, I'm certain.
I'm trapped in a life misery,
with a long list of those l've turned distant.
I don't know how,
But if there was way to make myself better, forever,
I would do it in an instant.
I love everyone and I'm sorry that I'm broken.
I'm sorry that I drain, pain
and break you with my existence.
One day, I'll free everyone of a pessimist and go my own way.
Isolated to deal with my shattered mind, far away.
I'm sorry to be a disappointing mother, daughter, partner, and friend.
I hope one day to see you all happy again.
Without me, to begin life anew.
Trust me, if I was you, I would hate me too.
