The Art of Loving a Beast (La Fortuna Series #4)

Kabanata 9

"Celia, no," his voice broke when he replied. "Don't do this... Inaamin ko, nagkamali ako. I'm so sorr—"

"Jameson, sinaktan mo ako!" Sobrang sakit para sa akin na sabihin 'yon sa kanya. I felt so betrayed by him.

"I won't let you leave until you forgive me. Please... You have to believe my side of the story, Celia... Hindi ko talaga sinadya iyon. Nakaharang ka. Nagpupunas ako. You tried to help, but I already told you it was fine. Pinilit mong tumulong kaya pinigilan kita kasi, as I said, it was fine. I shoved you lightly. Sobrang hina lang no'n, Celia. I was trying to shove you by your chest, but it landed on your face by accident. Pakiramdam mo sinampal kita pero hindi 'yon ang totoo."

Umiling ako. "You slapped me!"

"Technically, yes, but it was an accident. I never meant to hit you in the face. Shit, I never meant to hit you at all. Itutulak nga lang sana kita ng marahan, 'di ba?"

Lumapit siya sa akin at hinawakan ang mga kamay ko. His touch was familiar. It was gentle and respectful. Iyon ang Jameson na kilala ko. Ito 'yon. Ito siya. Kung sino man ang lalaking 'yon sa study kanina, hindi 'yon si Jameson. This gentleman had always been him. 

His other hand cupped the part of my face that he hit earlier. "I would never intentionally hurt you. Bakit ko naman 'yon magagawa sa 'yo?" He brushed his thumb on my cheek, soothing the pain. "I would protect this face with all my life." 

Hinila niya ako palapit sa kanya at niyakap ng mahigpit. My tears rolled down my cheeks again. This was the Jameson I knew and trusted. That monster who hit me earlier couldn't be him. He would never hurt me intentionally. I felt it in the way he kissed me. He cherished me. No one breaks the things they cherish. Only a fool would do that.

"Masyado atang napadalas ang pagbo-boxing at jiu jitsu ko kaya 'di ko natansya ang lakas ng pagtulak ko sa 'yo." He chuckled gravelly. "Please forgive me. You know I didn't mean it. You know I would never ruin your trust. I promised your parents I would take care of you. Sa tingin mo ba kaya kitang saktan?"

Pero nagawa mo na. Nasaktan mo na ako. 

Gusto kong isatinig 'yon pero hindi ko mahanap ang boses ko. I just wanted to stay in his embrace. I wanted to convince myself it was all a nightmare. Hindi niya 'yon magagawa sa akin. Ito ang Jameson na kilala ko. Hindi 'yon.

"I think... I still need to tell Kuya Liam about it."

Umiling siya. "You can't tell anyone. Lalaki lang ito, Celia. They would never understand me like you do..."

I honestly didn't even know if I understood him. I just wanted the pain to go away, and this was one of the easiest ways to do it. Ang magpanggap na hindi siya ang lalaking nanakit sa akin, na isa lang 'yong kathang-isip. I wanted to bury that memory as fast as I could and as deeply as I could.

Gusto ko lang ng tahimik at payapang buhay. Ayaw ko ng gulo. Ayaw ko ng away o 'di pagkakaintindihan. Ayaw kong masaktan. This was the easiest way... Forgetting.

"But Kuya will see my red face tomorrow."

"Mawawala rin naman 'yan. We'll put ice on it before you sleep. You can also cover it with makeup if halata talaga."

"I don't know, Jameson..."

He hugged me tighter. "It's the best thing to do. Don't worry, I'm not going to force you to stay with me if you can't handle it. Pero sana manatili ka sa akin kahit hanggang magkita lang kayo ni Liam. Kung hindi kita mapipigilang umalis, kahit ito na lang sana ang ibigay mo sa akin. Let me prove to you that I didn't mean it."

Jameson tucked me to bed like a little kid. Noong nagising ako nang alas sais ng umaga ay bumalik sa alaala ko ang nangyari kagabi. I felt so confused, angry, hurt, and disappointed. Hindi ko alam kung kay Jameson ba o sa sarili ko.