Restless

tears falling down at the party, saddest little baby in the room..

If there was a word that could describe Ryan, it would be restless.

Thoughts rocketed through his head like a bullet constantly. Nonsensical or not, they kept him up. Ryan had lost count of the many nights in which he was kept awake. Laying in his bed, the englishman had turned to his side for what felt like the hundredth time. Yearning for any chance of sleep, he tried to count to 100 in his head. The numbers were overwhelmed by the multitudes of thoughts, memories and other miscellaneous ideas thrown around in his brain. Letting out a sigh, he turned to lie down on his back, attempting to think of another method to distract himself.

He had not been like this throughout his life , however. It had started 4 months ago after the incident.

Ryan and his friends Rhys, Will, Baz, and Lewis had gone to the ever popular Alton Towers  as a break from their jobs. It was supposed to be a fun trip, until Lewis had began acting off. On the afternoon of the second day of the trip, Lewis' overall demeanor had taken a 180°, and he knocked out all members of the friend group. As they were tied down to chairs, they all watched their "friend" create a ransom video against Scott Cawthon, threatening to kill them if he didn't make a game mode easier. Baz, Ryan's closest friend since childhood, had somehow managed to free himself and the others from the restraints. They all escaped and bolted out of the door before "Darko" had gotten to them.

Well... everyone but one of them.

Ryan had ran faster than he had ever recalled him running. His feet, despite burning with a searing pain, felt lighter than feathers. Thanks to his fit physique, it didn't take long for him to reach the end of the road to wait for Rhys, Will, and-

...

Baz?

When Ryan noticed that Baz was not running with them, he immediately made a mad dash back to the lodge to find his friend. He did end up finding Baz, but not in the condition he had wanted. He walked out to the balcony-like area. That's where he found his best friend, floating in a crimson filled hot tub, blood leaking out of a wound running across his neck. Immediately, he was plagued with the questions.

"Why did lewis do this?"

"Did lewis even do this?"

"Is Baz even alive?"

"Why didn't I look back?

"When did he die?"

"Was he drowned? "

"Why didn't I look back?"

"Is he alive?"
    
"How am I Alive?"

"Why didn't I look back?"
           
"Why didn't I look back? "

"WHY DIDN'T I LOOK BACK?"

That marked the day Ryan had come to his current state.

From the day of the incident to the present day, he could probably count the times he had a normal nights rest on his fingers. Any sort ot remembrance torwards that day would cause the thoughts within his mind to go haywire. Even when Ryan didn't think about it, he was constantly bombarded with ideas, thoughts, feelings, emotions .

Surprisingly, the only place Ryan finds himself truely at peace is Baz's very own grave.

Despite the fact the mere mention name of his friend could and would send him into an extreme hysteria, being at his final resting spot was more soothing than distressing. Not even Ryan understood why this was. Perhaps it was the area it was in. Baz was buried on a private property away from busy roads and other human beings, meaning it would only be him and Baz. Perhaps it was just the idea of Baz being there that calmed him. Regardless of what it was, Ryan found himself constantly visiting. Sometimes he'd go there just to "talk" to Baz. He knew he wouldn't get a response, but that never mattered. Other times, he'd go just for silence. It would always end in him being calm. As long as Baz was there to listen, he would be fine.