We Don't Die

Fearing Unremittingly

Andrea

 When I was nine years old, I lost my first grandparent. Grandma Mary was one of the most loving women I ever knew, but she was also one of God's most strict and fearing creatures, ensuring that I never strayed from the path. I didn't know it then, but she was the one who taught me many important  life lessons and she morphed her will into me, unknowingly, shaping me into who I am today.

 She used to tell me that the only thing to fear was, "breaking man's law as he was the one who could punish you."  And of course to an eighty year old Southern Belle, you think that would mean wearing white after Labor Day or not bringing the right flavored pie to a get together. But to her, it was different. She saw what was important. She taught me from the start what was right and wrong.

  I remember one day when we were at the grocery store. I didn't understand that I couldn't take what I wanted. I had the ripened child's eye for looking for goodies and taking them. If I saw it, it was mine. I will never forget the lesson I learned when I stole a package of candy unknowing to my grandmother... and we already left the store.

 "Andrea Marie Harrison!" My grandma bellowed at the top of her lungs. My wide innocent eyes flickered to her as she said my name, knowing that I was caught red handed or should I say chocolate, peanut butter handed.

 "Y-yes." The child in me hid the Reese Cup wrapper under my bum, my wide, innocent blue eyes on hers. She wagged her finger and stood in front of me. "Now did we buy that candy? Did I say you could get that candy?"

 "N-no..." My voice trembled, not used to seeing my usually affectionate grandma so stern and scary. "Then we don't take it, Andrea! Here's a secret they don't tell you. The world isn't yours to take....because all taking does is leave the pot dry. The world is yours to fix, not break. We earn what we want. We do not steal. Stealing is taking from someone else somewhere. It's leaving your brothers and sisters empty handed..." Grandma Mary snatched the wrapper from my hands. "Don't give people a reason to leave you empty handed and broken someday."

 Grandma Mary then led me into the store to pay for the devoured candy. Her stern voice and tall posture intimidated me that day, but I will never forget another day where I truly learned fear or so I thought.

 This was the day I decided I would yell at my new stepmother in front of Grandma Harrison. That was the day when I feared for my life, but also learned something about respect as she pulled me aside and raised her voice to an all new level. I learned that day the importance of respecting people and also I learned about how to fear, my grandma beating me on the behind to prove a point.

 But that fear was nothing compared to what I felt now. My body was broken, but more importantly my spirits were broken. When I woke up after the recent beatings, I could barely lift my head. My body was on fire and there was even black spots in my vision. But yet a name still lingered on my lips. "R-Rick?" My dry, parched mouth made it all the harder to talk as I tried to sit up, whimpering at my failed attempt before I laid back again. I didn't even know if he was alive...There was so much blood from his stabbing. He was beaten to a pulp like me except he had three men doing it. The thought made my fear all the more real thinking about it. I had already lost Dale...I couldn't lose Rick too. He was the only stability I had really had for so long.