Mr. Smith Meets Korn

Holy Balls !!

Recently, I've noticed how sad my life is. Me getting bullied as a teenager, me being an orchestra teacher at a shitty middle school, the students taking pictures of my feet, no less! Man, I really gotta put some action in my life.

I started listening to Mitski and bawling my eyes out, and I unlocked a memory from when I was a teenager. I used to listen to this band named "Korn" and I haven't given them a listen ever since I graduated high school.

I turned off Mitski (So sorry, my love.) and put on Korn. I put one of my favorite songs from when I was younger, A.D.I.D.A.S. I used to play it out loud with my family and we'd all sing along.

Man, I really miss my Korn phase. They got me through some pretty tough times, they got me through the breakup with me and my sexy boyfriend. Well, ex-boyfriend. It makes me so sad, me and him were made for eachother! Oh, well, I still got my NEW hot and sexy and awesome bf, Charlie. And he's more awesome-r and cooler and fabulous-er.

I still remember how I got into their music. I went to the attic when I was like, 12, trying to find the training wheels for the bike I had. Man, I miss that bike. Anyways, I saw my dad's box of CDs and I was really curious to see what he had, and I found a few Korn CDs. I think it was their self titled and Life Is Peachy that I found. I went to find our CD player and played them. When I listened to it, I remember how I thought it was the best thing since the discovery of air. He's not wrong.

Help, I forgot I'm at school right now.

A student came up to me and asked what I was listening to. "Oh, I'm just listening to a band named Korn."

"HAHAHA, IS THAT ACTUALLY THEIR NAME?"

"Yeah? So what?"

"THAT'S SUCH A DUMB NAME!"

so i bitch slapped that mothafucka

"Oh my God, you know you can get pressed charges for assault!" A random student said.

"Well, uh, it wasn't assault, she made fun of the name 'Korn' so it was obviously self defense."

"Ohh, makes sense! Can we hit her as well?"

"Please."

TIME SKIP

I walked home from school and on the way, I listened to Korn. I forgot how much I loved these songs. I feel like now, my favorite songs would have to be Good God, Clown, and Dead Bodies Everywhere. I wonder if my dad still has those CDs. I really hope he still has the Korn ones. Y'know what? I'm gonna text my dad right now!

"yo dad do you still have any korn cd"

"no lol"

fuck nevermind.

It's not that bad, I could go to the really cool record store in Tempe, Zia Records!! I haven't been there in such a long time! Last time I went, I got a Cure CD and I loved it. I think I was like, 15. Both Korn and The Cure got me through tough times and I am forever thankful.

TIME SKIP again

I started driving to Zia, and I was playing some Duster in my car. I was gonna start sobbing but I was still driving.

I arrived at Zia. I'm so glad they don't close yet. I immediately ran to the door and then walked in so formally. "Welcome in!" An employee said. "Mmmm, good evening to youuu, my fine gentlemen :quite:" I said negatively. After that, I immediately ran to the K section to find Korn. I found my favorite album, Life Is Peachy. "Zoo wee mama!" I said positively.

I found Life Is Peachy and Issues and I went to pay.

"Okay, sir, do we have a phone number with us?" The worker asked me.

"Uh, I'm afraid not."

"Would you like to set up the phone number with us?"

"Uh, sure, 4204206969"

"Alright, and your name is?"

"Mr. Smith."

"Uhh, okay! Thank you, have a nice day."

I left the store and went to my car. Oh, man, I'm so excited. I'm gonna play the CDs in my car and my windows open. I think I saw a few parents cover their kids' ears as I drove past because of my music. Typical.

TIME SKIP

I woke up and got ready for school. I hate being an orchestra teacher sometimes, I wish these kids would stop harassing me about my feet. Whatever, I'm just gonna listen to, hm, maybe I'll listen to Helmet In the Bush on repeat on my way to school.

I went to the meeting that all the teachers go to every Wednesday at 7 AM. Ms. DeRienzo told us about her idea of bringing a famous musician to show the kids the perspective of a professional musician. When she said that, I knew immediately who should come. "I have an idea!" I said.

"Who could it be?"

"I think the band Korn should come!"

"Mr. Smith..."

"What?"

"You are a genius!! The kids would love to see Korn!!"

I hope so.

"When would this be, by the way?" I asked.

"Hm, maybe tomorrow?"

"WAIT FOR REAL???" I asked excitedly.

"YES!"

"I think I just shit my pants, THIS IS GONNA BE SO COOL!!!"

TIME SKIP

I woke up from such an awesome dream that the principal for my school is gonna bring Korn! Oh, if only that would actually happen. I got up and put Korn on my CD player while I get ready and headed out.

When I arrived at school, I went to my computer and I was sent an email of how the homeroom teachers have to send all the kids to the cafeteria. I was confused at first, but I was too tired to care.

I got all the students to the gym and I just sat next to Mr. Marley.

"Good morning, firebirds! So, today, we are gonna show you the perspective of a professional musician to show you all what it's like being a musician! Yesterday, me and all your teachers discussed who the musician could be, and I think we chose a really good one! Give it up for, Korn!!!"

I couldn't believe it. I thought it was a dream. No way this is happening right now. I NEED TO (korn ref!) TALK TO JONATHAN DAVIS RIGHT NOW (korn ref!).

"OH MY GOD, JONATHAN DAVIS, CAN I PLEASE GET YOUR AUTOGRAPH-!" but I fuckin' tripped on a kid's backpack and broke my ankle in front of Jonathan Davis.

I can't believe I just fell in front of THE Jonathan Davis. I felt so embarrassed. I screamed so loudly like that one part in Blind. Thankfully, Jonathan, like the kind, handsome gentleman he is, he helped me by calling the amperlamps.

I arrived at the hopsital along with Jonathan, and I think this is a good chance to talk to him!

"Jonathan, can I please get your autograph?"

"no lol"

fuck nevermind.

"I'm just being a jokesmith! /neg sure I can!"

He gave me his autograph with a sharpie on my cast and got bored, so he drew a penis on my face.

My toesies! started to smell and a kid started licking them. A kid named Arianna Cervantes Colorado. WHAT THE FUCK THAT'S ONE OF MY STUDENTS.

"WHAT THE FUCK???" I screamed.

She (barely) noticed Jonathan in the same room and she started licking his toes ok im sorry i truly mean it.

"Mr. Smith! That was some sick vocals! You could be our backing vocalist!!"

I think I'm gonna die. I'M. IN. KORN. NOW?!?!? WOAH, BABY!!!