The Bias

Chapter 25

"Kyu kia, Sana?" His eyes looking at her swollen lip, cleaning a bit of blood that was there.He searched for story, her fate had made her dance to.

She looked into his eyes and the water drained from those.The tears made a stream down her cheeks, but not a sound of sob left her mouth.The silent cry of pain.When he kept looking into her eyes without saying a word, she averted those.She hoped that she wouldn't push him away.

"Saanu!", he hands softy held her face, brushing the side of cheeks, as she tried to hide her face.

"Meri aur dekh!", he spoke, putting his fingers under her chin and trying to lift her face up.

She nodded her face denying the same, while tears rolled down her cheeks.

"Look here. Look at me!", he raised her face up.His fingers wiped the tear stained cheek and then the tears that had collected in those.

"Does it hurt you? It scares you.Haina? My touch!" He questioned looking onto her face. She remained blank and didn't say a word.

"Bol na? Saanu kya hai?", he kept brushing face, softly. His fingers moving on her soul.

"Its not you! Its me. I am trying. Sacchi. Koshish karti hu.Pta nahi kyu I fail? Yrr sab toh sahi kar rahi hu. I want it to end, pta nahi kyu nahi jaata!" She whispered hiding her eyes from his, trying her best to hold her ground.Her demons had scared her.

He held her face and placed it on her chest.His fingers brushing her hair.
He didn't know, he didn't understand. But he tried to be there as much as she allowed.

"You wanted to know my problem with children?", she spoke pulling back.Her entirity being loathed

"This!", she spoke pointing at herself ."This is what becomes of children like me. This is what I will sow. This is what I will reap. A person like me should not have children because we will make us out of those children. I have to end it with me! Generations of the trauma that has been passed on to me!"

The amount of disgust she held for herself scared him.He had never seen her being very kind, but the kind of cruel she was being to herself scared him.She was resentful, unkind and judgemental to herself. No doubt she had once told him that it was human nature to judge.But most important of all she was unforgiving towards herself.

He didn't know her story.He was no psychologist.He didn't have a right response.

"Come here!"

He pulled her face into his chest and tightened his grip around her back.
"I don't know, tu mirror me kya dekhti hai.Shayad koi ek chapter of your story, ya fir ek poori book.Kuch bhi ho. But you are not that, you are a series of books in a novel.Aur its a beautiful novel.Meri aankho se dekh.You are so strong at it amazes me at times"

"I dont want to be strong! I wish I weren't that. I wish. "She mumbled. The fact that every act of strength and resilience came from a palce of struggle.

"Tu itnq accha kyu hai?", she asked when he kept patting her head with one hand while moving his other hand through her hair.

He smiled."Kaha hu. Accha hota toh you would have trusted me enough!", he answered. He wondered who had broken her faith so much that she struggled to trust her own shadow.He knew she was trying , but was unable to.He didn't know, but he understood her trust issues.

"I am sorry",she whispered soflty after a while and responded with no words but a squeeze.

"Chal abhi close your eyes and try to take a short nap!"he spoke. His voice clear and calm as if nothing had happened.

"You keep talking to me. Your voice makes me sleep."

"Achha! Kyu? Itna bore karrti hai meri awaaz"

"No! It makes me feel safe. As long as I keep seeing you or hearing you my brain knows its you. ".