nothing but thoughts

chapter 1 - adolescence and dreams

Let's imagine a dark room, a mysterious and strange room, but paradoxically with a cozy atmosphere, windows with red curtains and a floor with black and red checkered squares. In the middle of the room thete is a figure with an evil look, symmetrical horns on his forehead and a distinctive nose, bulging eyes, which were frightening, next to this little devil a table with a record player playing a calm song, "jazz". The devil seems to know me very well and I talk to him like a great friend, he helps me with my problems, my traumas and my dark secrets that i hide from everyone, and helps me get over them. A polar bear who invites me to a tea party at the North Pole, we ride in the cold to have the possibility of getting to our warm tea, we spend hours talking about how I should have behaved on such an occasion in a certain period of time, we tell jokes and stories and the old bear dies. All the dream world stops.
These are some of the many dreams that I have and even though I don't know how to explain why I can say that this dream has a meaning, whether it's its therapeutic meaning because I have someone to talk to who understands me, but for that I already have friends who understand me. understand almost as well as that figure. It must be one of the mishmash consequences of being a teenager, but after all, does anyone else think the same as I do and have already thought? Could it be that deep down we are all exactly the same and the pattern of personalities is only based on the education that the person had in his childhood? Or maybe, just maybe, each person is unique, an unlikely thing, since personality patterns, however wrong and uncertain they may be, have a grain of truth. A dream is a hidden space in our mind that shows us memories that awake we could probably never remember, I'm not sure why they can't be remembered, but I just know that there are things I know about in dreams, but apart from that I don't exist. Even though dreams are a hidden space, they can be mastered if the person is concentrated, manages to be aware and control the dream so that it is what the person wants. It's as if when we go to sleep, snuggled up in our bed, between the sheets, our brain explodes with emotions and we activate our explorer spirit and we go in search of what has already been forgotten, we end up digging for a buried truth, among the "earth" of our mind. No one knows the true meaning of your dreams, but that's what makes life so exciting, discovering the non-existent, finding the unlived. We are only given hypotheses and theories. Funny that we use the brain to discover something formed by his thinking, isn't it? But what do I know? After all, I just know that I know nothing, it's impossible to understand all the thoughts that are given to us by our brain, some are dark, make us afraid of ourselves, but others only show the tenderness that may or may not exist in each one of us. of us, sometimes we even trick our brain with thoughts we want to think, but we don't agree. But even though it's difficult, it's funny to speculate to try to guess what our brain is thinking, even though it's ours. I'm just another teenager trying to get into the norms of my own thinking. There are many other humans who don't do anything to be able to think like me, so I feel grateful to be blessed with the power to think and be able to change everything around me.
A teenager has to keep many things in his mind to maintain his social image: his body hygiene, his physical shape, the people he talks to and what he talks about, his personality. This is all to show a good first impression that is desired by everyone who may possibly be a friend. If you want a social life, you need to follow rules, stabilized by "normality" this is also another interesting word, because everyone can have a different perspective of it, but one day, any person thought about them and the majority of society agreed having once these rules have become something absolutely obvious that must be followed by everyone, otherwise they would be rejected by their possible friends. Every day, every human has to follow these rules and is always worried about them, people carry an insane weight of concern for these rules, which does not let them enjoy the little time we are here. But if everyone carries this so-called weight, leaving a wave of stress and sadness to those who care about it, why follow rules? I think it's just to be able to relate to each other, which makes sense, since there should be a minimum of rules, but not those that prevent us from having fun.
Surely there is someone whose thoughts are occupied by these rules that they don't follow and who would that person be? A nothing? A social reject? What is a purposeless human being anyway? I like to think that everyone has a way of thinking that everyone has a purpose even if it is just to exist. But after all, a teenager has such a complex and confused mind that he is never satisfied with anything, his perspicacity is so idiotic that it's even fun. Adolescence is a time when trying to please everyone or provide help to everyone, often a teenager's mental health is terrible. Listening to other people's problems only makes everything worse. The mind that was already a bunch of scribbles becomes like a noose tied to someone else's scribbles, something that can lead a person to depression. At the end of the day, people enter a store for its window and not for what is inside it. The shop windows have to be eye-catching, different from the others. A teenager who doesn't have an easy love life, gets sad and can have irreversible behaviors and actions... The power to control someone's life is an extreme mental abuse, which can leave both the victim who is suffering badly and the manipulator who you may have the weight on your conscience and feel exactly like the victim, there are "manipulators" who don't even realize they are in this serious situation, which generates a cycle of scribbles looking for a circle. There is a greater probability that a teenager who is being manipulated will dream about his handler, as his brain cannot generate other thoughts that are not about the image of the handler. It is difficult to know that you are being manipulated, due to the emotional dependence that the manipulator creates in the bonds of the mind, so the person infiltrates your blood, like the venom of a snake, makes you follow his orders, to that he doesn't have problems with which he has to create bonds, from one day to the next someone's fragility can give in to the evil of another and his life turns upside down. Being controlled by someone and you don't even realize it, because that person is important to you and will be by your side forever, like a close friend. In life, we are the ones who guide our path, regardless of whether someone unconsciously or purposefully seems to control us, the decisions to follow that person will always be ours. Being manipulated by someone is like singing without knowing a script, our life guide is made by us, but when someone meddles in it and is aware of it, they are capable of destroying our guide and putting us on bad paths, the our eyes fall asleep, we become blind to good choices and we satisfy the bad intentions that others have on us, And even for someone smart, aware of everything it can be difficult to predict someone's intentions, people who are used are usually not very smart. Our dreams are always connected to our emotions and whenever there is a person we like very much and we are "obsessed" with them it is more likely that our dreams have us and that person as characters, I would call this obsession emotional dependence, emotional dependence it's having all our emotions controlled by someone unintentionally, it's when we leave our trust and feelings with someone and our life becomes dependent on them. Adolescence is certainly the most bipolar phase of human life, because in addition to all the changes and possible pain that someone will have to go through, in the end it is one of the most fun phases of life. And all the traumas that went through in that phase one day, will be our reason for being strong, because it is with pain that you learn, it is impossible to find a 100% pure human, the dark matter of our brain is so big, we have no idea how it was created and when, all we know is that everyone can be evil and everyone can be a good person, it all just depends on situations thoughts and education. After all, I'm just a teenager who is trying to express his thoughts with expensive words, but maybe in the world of adults my words don't make sense, and maybe one day I'll regret all of this and that in a world without hope and with meaningless words, I'm sad that I didn't enjoy my adolescence.