Why me? //First Fanfiction! Suntan, maaybe angst, maybe fluff. Idk.//

Chapter one

I didn't realize where I was at first. I rose up and looked at my surroundings, I was at the pond. It was dark out. Probably night already. It's me and my friend's hangout spot. Why was I sleeping here? The grass was cold and wet, presumably from yesterday's rain. It was a heavy downfall, and my friends had dragged me, away from my comfortable, warm bed, and at the same time, ruining my peace. I enjoyed their company, but at the same time, sometimes I wish I could just sleep all day like I used to do. But those times are gone now, I can't be a useless, lonely shut-in for the rest of my life. The guilt still remains from what I did, and I regret it so much every day. But it's been four years now. Time to move on. But I can't.

I thought of yesterday. Kel and Aubrey had ran to my house, Basil lagging behind. Both Basil and Aubrey, especially Basil, was clearly out of breath from running, but Kel seemed to be fine. Not much of a surprise taking the fact he played basketball into consideration. He had screamed out my name.

"YO SUNNY! WE WERE THINKING THAT WE COULD HANG OUT AT THE POND, WANNA COME WITH US??!" Kel had shouted in excitement. I simply nodded as a reply and he had already taken my arm, and starting running before I could change my mind. Aubrey and Basil said hi and I did a small wave when we arrived. I don't express myself much. It has always been hard, even before Mari forcefully left us. Basil and Aubrey had left the spot first, a while after we finished our normal chatting. Them talking and me nodding every once in a while. Me and Kel stayed behind and talked a moment before he also left. I think I fell asleep sometime soon after that.

"Are you sure you wanna stay here? Alone?" Kel almost sounded worried, he didn't have to be. I nodded at him and he turned his back to me and left, not without giving one small last glance at me.

I began to think again. After the... incident... from 4 years back, Basil had just as myself been staying locked in his house for a long time.  And now, 3 months after I told them the truth, we are all friends again. I have such nice friends.

After I confessed, they didn't believe me. But after Basil confirmed, and said it was his idea, they had to. Hero took it the hardest, he ran out of the room, tears streaming down his face. How could I do this to everyone? I'm awful. I don't deserve to live, I should just join Mari. I can hear her voice telling me to do horrible things to myself. It's okay. I deserve it.

After I was done pondering, I tried with all my might to actually stand up, and I succeed after a few tries. My back and legs were entirely soaked. Not surprising since I have been laying on wet grass for around two hours. Maybe I should take care of myself more. I started to walk back from the pond, through the park. It was empty. I looked at the sky. What a bright moon. Its light shone through the quiet trees. I walked down at the side of the road, my house creeping closer. But just as I was about to turn right to my road, I heard someone shouting from my left side.

"SUNNYY!!" It was Kel. I turned and looked at him. I gave him a confused look. He ran closer until he could put his right arm on my right shoulder.

"Where ya been man? I was looking all over for you! Your mom said that you weren't home yet, so I went out to look for you, but I couldn't find you!"

I gave him another, confused look. Why was he at my house?

"Ohh why I was at your house? Well, you forgot your notebook! Here it is! And I promise I didn't look at it!" I stared at my notebook in his hands. I didn't even realize I had actually forgotten it at his house last time I was there. I continued to stare at him, not for a specific reason. Just kind of admiring his features-. Wait? Admiring? I looked down at my feet. I swear I could feel my cheeks turn red. He's my friend, I can't say that. It was weird. I decided not to think about it, so to not get more confused than I already was.

"Oh right! I almost forgot! Your mom told me to tell you that, you have a doctor's visit tomorrow! She asked me to take you, so we are gonna have to take the bus tomorrow! Since I don't have my driver's license yet.. But it's okay! I'll come pick you up at around ten, so be ready!" I wasn't really listening to what he was saying, but I understood the gist of it.

I really hated going to the doctor. I hated going to the hospital. Last time I was there, was when I had to tell them the truth. But that's not the worst part of it. The worst part was going to the roof. I had backed down in time, but it was still an awful thought. What was I even thinking? I don't regret hesitating. Especially since me and Kel are closer now. He's a good friend honestly. One of my only friends. If Kel didn't take my confession about the truth of what happened that day so well, I don't know if I would still be alive today.

"So, do u wanna walk alone or do u want me to walk you back to your house?" Kel asked me. I shrugged and gave him a look, to let him know he could choose.

"Okay so, then I'll walk you back to yours, and then go back home!" Kel said to me. I liked his choice, but it felt nicer that he chose to walk me home, even if it wasn't even that far. It was pretty cold outside, wouldn't surprise me if it was after midnight. Kel took my hand in his, it was warm. After laying on the cold ground so long, I was not so surprisingly, really cold.

"Oh my god Sunny, WHY ARE YOU SO COLD!?" I slightly flinched from the sudden shout from Kel.

"Oh sorry dude, but seriously what did you do? Don't tell me you fell asleep again?" The last words sounded a bit serious, but I stopped in my steps, looked at him, looked away, and nodded. It was embarrassing to admit I had been sleeping for so long in the cold grass, but I couldn't just lie to Kel.

It was silent for a while, I could feel his eyes staring at me. I wanted to say something, but I couldn't get anything out. I turned my head back to him, and our eyes met. I could feel my cheeks getting hotter and turned to look straight again. Why did that happen? Why did my cheeks get hotter? That's weird. Is it because it's cold out? Might be.

"Sunny, dude, you can't just sleep on the cold grass for 3 freaking hours! I know its summer but seriously? You could have caught a cold! Look, your cheeks are all red, you must be sick already!" Kel sounded more worried than mad. I felt bad. He didn't have to care this much, but he did, he's so thoughtful.

"...Sorry..." I said in a whisper, it was quiet so he could probably hear it either way. I felt embarrassed.

"It's okay! But please don't do it again? For me?" I looked at him and nodded. All this time and he was still holding my right hand. He started to walk again, pulling a bit on my arm, but not so much that it hurt. Kel was smiling his stupid grin, I really liked his grin. He took me all the way home, even if it wasn't long. Nothing really happened after that. I went to sleep. I didn't have any dreams. Lately, ever since I confessed the truth, I haven't gone to whitespace. It was a room I usually went to in my dreams, it was completely white, with only a computer, a notebook, a tissue box, and my sisters cat (Mew). I missed whitespace sometimes, but it's best not to think about it. And so the next day came.

// Hope y'all enjoy it, even if it was shit. Word count:
1433 words //