I am beautiful with you...

"Here goes nothin"

I couldnt sleep, curled up in Andrews arms. He snored gently, and I nudged him, quietly waking him. His arms tightened around me and he murmured in my ear,
"What is it babe? Can't sleep?" I rolled over in his arms to face him and he kissed me softly. I couldnt contain the hot tears that started to roll down my cheeks. "Oh Rach, baby don't cry, it'll all be okay!" My shoulders shook with heavy sobs as i choked out the words that had been troubling me, "im going to miss you so much, what if we can't handle the distance?" He held me tightly, whispering reassuring words in my ear, until I finally drifted off to sleep, safe in the knowledge of what I thought was certain. My last thought before sleep overtook me was, god i hope he's right.
Andrew woke before me, but let me sleep. He woke me with toast and tea, and a sad smile on his face,
"Its time to get up honey, todays the day!" He shook me gently awake. I sat up in bed, and slowly nibbled on the toast. He'd brought my favourite, marmite, and strong, hot tea. I glanced around the bedroom, one final check before i left, make sure i have everything i need, i can do this!
As i loaded my bags into the car, Andrew gently pulled me to one side.
"Im sorry that I cant come to the airport with you babe, but I got you this," he pulled a small box out of his pocket. My eyes widened in shock. He caught my worried expression, and reassured me with a small shake of his head. "Dont worry, its not that, I want you to wear this and think of me." With that he opened up the box, revealing a slim silver chain, with a single, delicate charm, an infinity sign. My breath caught in my chest, it was so beautiful, and so me. I blinked back the threatening tears that were pricking the back of my eyes and swallowed. "I, I don't know what to say, its so perfect." He caught my face with one hand, "We'll get through this. Just remember all the good times, and if you ever feel lonely you'll have a little reminder to help you push through it."
I threw my arms around his neck as I let the tears fall. "I love you" I murmured into his chest, "I'll miss you so much, but I love you, domt ever foget that." He held me tight as i sobbed in his arms, then tilted my face to his, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. He kissed me gently, and poured every emotion into that last kiss. A kiss that was to last me for six months, until I could visit.
As we drove away, leaving behind my life, the man I loved, and my home for a full year, i tried to relax, to tell myself that it would all be okay. My aunt put a reassuring hand on my knee and gave a gentle squeeze.
"I bet when you get there you'll forget all about it, you'll enjoy yourself so much that you won't miss us at all!"
I knew she was right about enjoying myself, I was certain that I would, visiting France had been my dream for years, and here was my chance. "Thanks" I mumbled, "I'm going to sleep for a bit, I didnt get much last night"
I curled up against the door, and let my thoughts drift. I soon fell asleep, but on the way I dreamed awful things. I woke with a start from a dream in which i returned home to find Andrew with someone else, "I just dont love you any more, besides, its much easier to have a relationship with Hannah, since she never left me like you did!" He told me. I touched my cheek, and my fingers came away wet with tears. I noticed that Aunt Carol was looking at me strangely, as though she could see straight into that awful dream.
"We're here, don't worry so much, youre giving yourself nightmares again." I stared at her im open mouthed shock,
"How did you know?
"Come on Rachael, you cant fool me, you talk remember? Besides, youre crying, thats not nothing." I sat for a moment, wiping my eyes, and sat up, "right, shall we? Here goes nothing!" Carol gave me a sad smile, "thats my girl, come on"
We got out of the car and pulled my cases out of the back, I tried to take the larger of the two, but Carol insisted on taking them. I briefly considered fighting it, but I knew it would be no use, so i grabbed my hand luggage and we set off into the airport.
After a tearful goodbye, and many hugs and kisses, i was checked in, and sitting at the gate, waiting for my flight to be called. My phone started buzzing, though since I was leaving at 8am I couldnt imagine who would be texting me already! I unlocked the phone, and clicked on the notfication, "2 new messages." I opened the first, from Andrew, telling me he loved me, and he missed me, and that he'd skype call me as soon as he could. I bit back the tears, and quickly opened the second.

"Rach, youve been my best friend for years, and I love you with all of my heart, I'm going to miss you so much, but I know you'll have a fantastic time, and you'll be amazing. You're more like a sister to me than anything, and I hope you're ready for lots of letters and photos of me to make sure you don't forget me! Love you so much, and good luck!"

That did it, I burst into tears right there in the middle of everyone. I understood what she meant when she told me I was like a sister to her, because she meant the same to me. I thought back to some of the best times we'd had, especially at the camp where we met.
It was an annual school trip, with four schools being brought together to get to know one another before the big move up to high school. We had been split into groups, mixing the schools, and that was where I met Andie. I was as shy then as ever, but this girl was infectious, soon enough I was laughing and joking with the rest of the group. I made a lot of friends at that camp but looking back, 8 years later, she was the only one who really stuck through everything. We'd never had an argument or fallen out, as teenagers tend to do, and she'd stuck by me no matter what ridiculous problems I had, from guy trouble to actual serious problems, she was there for me. I did my best to do the same for her.
Sitting in the airport lounge, crying my eyes out, I texted back, telling her I loved and missed her, and that although France was a long way away, I was still always going to be there for her. This was the hardest part of leaving. Saying goodbye, not that I had the chance to say all the goodbyes I had hoped I could.
I hadn't said goodbye to another best friend, his name was Ryan, and quite frankly, I loved him. I knew I could count on him to always be there. The presence of his girlfriend the last time I saw him, however, made our evening tense, to say the least. It was just a night out, with all my friends. One last celebration before I went away, but she took his attention all night, I barely saw him. It sucked.
I was jolted out of my memories by my flight being called, so I took a deep breath, gathered up my things, and left home.

"Here goes nothing" I whispered, gathering my bags, "bye"