Maybe not, though. There is no one to be better for, I don't think. If I am stuck here, as a prisoner rather than a guest, then the only thing I have to do is stay. I am not held to any sort of standard. If anything, all really bows to me, in my own little realm that I can rule over. Sure, I can venture out beyond the boundary and be violently observed, but there's not much else to worry about if I stay here. My own little safe haven in the cold dark, catering to my every need. Even now, I still get gifts, like a mirror, and a bathtub that lets me soak in warm, dark waters. I hope there are other people out there as well. I really do. It's not fair for me to be the only one with all this privilege.
That's another thing: what is the truth? What is there to even learn about this place beyond what I already know about it? If anything, I already know everything there is within my own space. Beyond here doesn't feel, I don't know, worth my while. Every adventure out into the deep has been nothing but a mind-numbing series of painful fucking existence. Reflecting on it makes me shiver horribly until I want to roll into my bed. Despite that, though, it's in my dreams that I keep seeing it– the five pupils that shine deceivingly in the dark. It
I saw it. I saw it out in the dark again, I swear to you. I can barely see them near the horizon. I knew it. They're real. They're real and they're tormenting me again. That can't be possible though. They were in my dreams, it's just a monster in my head. It could be me seeing things, I hope, but I don't want to take the risk again. I need to cover myself and so do you. Hide under the bed and never come out until you're certain it's gone. Be wise, take your own advice.
After all, I'm my own audience here.
Seven
Years. It feels like it has been years since I last had the courage to write in this journal after hiding away for so long. I wasn't smart enough to bring anything with me under the bed, but I thought I saw it look away for a moment and I took my chance. Now I am stuck under here with me and myself. I'm done with hoping someone else will read this. These are now my thoughts.
What happened in those years? I look back and most of it is a blur, but I remember the hatred. I remember stuffing it down until I could feel the oil slip through my lips again. I also recall the times I spent sobbing to myself as hope slipped away from me. My space. My COMFORTABLE space is now invaded by the thing with five eyes. It stares at me through the bed, although I'm certain it could only be guessing where I am. Nothing can see beyond the dark shadow my bed casts on me. My pupils could give me away, should I look back at it with the same level of violation, but why would I ever want to do that? Instead I choose to look at the mirror next to the bed, only to see... nothing.
Why is there nothing? I thought I had pupils, a mouth, a nose, a face that looks human. There's nothing looking back at me through the mirror, possibly due to the darkness of the bed. Well, I suppose that's both a blessing and a curse. For one, the monster can't tell I'm down here for sure, yet it's impossible to see myself either. I put my fingers to my face, only to feel a cold, hard surface with sockets. Five sockets. No.
That thing changed me. That fucking creature made me rot into something that looked like it, there's no other explanation. That THING RUINED ME. First it torments me endlessly, and now it's molding me into some horrid fucking creature. It doesn't want me. It doesn't want me and it wishes it could kill itself. And yet I cannot bear to look at it. Its gaze makes me freeze in my steps, piercing my heart and causing me to spiral out of control, the same way as when it saw me float into the endless void. There is no malice, just torment.
Oh God, the oil. It's spilling again. I can feel it gushing out of my face as I write this. The floor is already stained enough from before. Any more than this and it'll spill out beyond the sheets. I'm not capable of staying here much longer. I can't face this. Please, if anyone is listening, if anyone is there, let me stay here a little bit longer. PLEASE, I'M SCARED. LET ME STAY. I CAN'T LET IT SEE WHAT I HAVE BECOME. GOD KNOWS WHAT WILL HAPPEN PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
Layer One: Infinite Intuition
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