LARA CROFT: PARAGON OF INFAMY THE NATIONAL ENQUIRER, DEC. 2022 BY HARTFORD COMPTON
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DULL IS NOT THE WORD WE WOULD USE TO DESCRIBE THE EXPLOITS OF LARA CROFT, PROFESSIONAL, UNPROFESSIONAL, OR OTHERWISE. HER NAME ALONE IS SYNONYMOUS WITH THE DUBIOUS AND QUESTIONABLE, AND WITH SUCH A GLARING REPUTATION, ONE WOULD THINK SHE'D DO EVERYTHING WITHIN HER POWER TO TURN THAT ILL PERCEPTION AROUND. AND YET, IT'S AS IF SHE PREFERS IT. DESCRIBED BY MANY AS A CHALLENGING WOMAN, CROFT IS THE FOCUS OF WILD SPECULATION AND INTENSE DEBATE IN BOTH THE SCIENTIFIC AND POLITICAL COMMUNITIES IN ADDITION TO THE POPULAR PRESS. IDEALIZED AND VILIFIED IN EQUAL MEASURE, SHE IS PERHAPS ONE OF THE MOST FASCINATING, CONTROVERSIAL, AND ENIGMATIC FIGURES OF OUR TIME.¹
* ROCKY BEGINNINGS Born in Wimbledon, London to the wealthy Croft family, Lara is said to have been a difficult birth. After a long and intense labor, Lady Amelia Croft and Lord Richard Croft welcomed their only child into the world, and even from then, the rumors began. The newly made parents could not wash the stain from their internationally known elopement scandal, and such negative attention grew into their family life. Lara was raised among the grand Abbingdon Estate in Surrey, and though a child of scandal, seemed to live a most idyllic childhood. This was until her mother's unfortunate passing in a plane crash flying through the Himalayas, when Lara was only four years old. Lara's father never recovered, and it in a way, neither did she.
Alone within the manor halls with a near absent father, young Lara was noted by private tutors to be exceptionally skilled in her adolescence, taking a liking towards horseback riding, tennis, archery and other aristocratic sports as a way to time. By the time she was twelve, her father held his own slew of problems: his archaeological research had been completely discredited, and he had been deemed "mentally unfit" due to outrageous claims based in fiction. Tragedy struck Lara again, when only a few months later, her father Richard Croft took his own life.
* LEARNING THE ROPES Despite her personal tragedy, Croft had already gone on to become notably daring among her aristocratic peers, said to have felt "limited" by the upper class culture when coming of age. By her late teens, she began to grow outside of her late father's reputation and into her own: a young Countess with a radical thirst for adventure. (It's said she began to take up a habit in shooting, albeit "too keen an interest."²) Unconventionality became her norm, to which she delighted in disturbing the status quo in any way she could. She was and still is regarded as too forward and insubordinate because of it. One thing was certain: The mercurial Lara felt her best living on the edge, much to the fright and fascination of the British upper class. Historical expert Madeleine Hovan weighs in: "It's not uncommon for so called 'black sheep' of the family to feel stifled by aristocratic life. Nobility as a lifestyle can be very suffocating. What is uncommon is the way Lady Croft goes about her estrangement from the life she grew up in. Her every decision is an act of defiance, an act of risk. In a way, she's spitting in the eye of anyone who expects her to conform...An admirable feat, but quite brash as well."
* A LEAP OF FAITH Lara leaped into the archaeological world at the age of twenty-one, fresh out of University College London where her studies focused on classical archaeology. That summer, Lara and her crew of 18 ventured to an island within the famed "Devil's Sea" (or "Dragon's Triangle), an area rich with paranormal legend. Only 3 of 18 returned. The crew was stranded on the island of Yamatai for weeks at a time, doing all they could to survive. The harrowing story of the Endurance crew as they were called, made international headlines as Lara and the other two survivors described unexplainable experiences and claiming to have seen the supernatural. Of course, without any evidence to support, Lara especially was seen as severely disturbed, and was reportedly forwarded to a psychiatrist for treatment.
* LEGAL TROUBLE As the last of the Croft family, we would assume Lara to have inherited her family's enormous fortune along with its estates. But in order to inherit, her mother's remains would have to be identified in order to confirm both parents' passing. Lara would also have to be deemed "fit" (or mentally sound.) As of writing, Lara is currently undergoing a bitter legal battle over control of the Abbingdon estates with her maternal uncle Lord Atlas de Mornay.¹ Whether she will acquire the Croft assets is uncertain, but it makes us wonder: how does she fund such a radical lifestyle? ²
* CONTROVERSY FOLLOWS
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It seems Lady Croft just can't keep her hands to herself. Nothing stands in the way between her and what she seems worthy of taking, no matter how controversial. It's in an archaeologist's right to preserve and protect the relics of the past, but what do we do when our said "archaeologist" prefers to keep those relics to herself? Lara's methods have been frequently called into question by government officials and other practicing archaeologists. She has been described variously as anything from cavalier to downright irresponsible. Some scholars have suggested that her notorious lack of documentation and brute force methodology have contaminated countless sites and done more harm than good. There have even been (unsubstantiated) allegations that Lara actually takes items from these sites before informing the international community of their locations, and that she is nothing more than a glorified treasure hunter.¹
"It's a global theft," explains Trinity College Dublin Professor Hayes B. Cahalane, "and it's happening right under our noses. Everything she finds, she takes. Sacred, priceless artifacts that have meaning, that have significance, she prefers to use for decoration—which is just unacceptable. I've heard she's got a title now, 'Tomb Raider,' that's good, because that's all she is." But her escapades aren't limited to tombs: It's rumoured that she's stolen from museums, unveiled exhibits, and wildest of all, that she may have black market connections.
* LUCKY IN LOVE? Lara might be focusing on what next antique to call her own, but she isn't without her suitors. It's hard to say if the archaeologist is truly lucky in love, as it seems her romantic endeavors never last, but it seems she doesn't discriminate. From journalists to socialites, from relatively unknowns to mercenaries, to even the top of America's celebrity echelon, as different as they are, one thing is for sure, these liaisons never end well. "Uniquely volatile," is what Tobias Kingsley, Earl of Farringdon and former suitor calls her. "A vixen. She'll tell it to you as it is." When asked if he'll speak to her again, Kingsley replied "not if I want to keep my head."
DESPITE THE TABLOID PRESS'S INFATUATION WITH HER, Lara Croft guards her privacy with complete determination. She has never granted an interview nor made any personal comment to any of the rumours associated with her.¹ Maybe we should leave her to her own devices, but we can't help but want a glimpse inside her own mind, and what she thinks of all the noise she's made.
We asked our guests: What do you think Lady Croft is up to now?
— "Doing something she shouldn't." — "Getting into trouble." — "What does it matter, when we'll all read it in the papers tomorrow anyway?"
The National Enquirer reached out to Lara Croft for an interview on this article. She declined.
