Dear Fred

The Why's and How's Of It ALL

Dear Wattpad World, 

It is strange to for me to put pen to paper, as the old folks say, and yet people have done so for thousands of years. 

There is an inherent need built into us humans to "tell", to make ourselves known or heard. Even before language and words, we had pictures and symbols to keep the stories alive. Is that what sets us apart from the other ape like beings? Was our need to be remembered our path to evolvement? (It can't only be our brains, because look at some of us these days!) 

This is how Fred came into being. During the 'Pandemic Times', the first lockdown to be precise. I sort of, well, if I'm to be completely honest (and I always am. To a fault at times) lost my shit. Panic, fear, anxiety terror all crept in. Actually they fell on me like a ton of bricks. Like the anvil slamming the poor coyote flat in cartoons. How do I keep my kids safe? How to feed said kids since every stream of income was immediately cut off overnight? How do I find the love of my life if I can't touch anyone? ( not as pressing as the other issues but remember, I was in complete meltdown mode)  Thankfully I have the wherewithal, thank-you years of therapy and healing, to try and pull myself out of my crying, binge eating/media steaming craze of being locked down and unable to touch or see anyone, other than my two girls. Who I love but come on, they were teenagers. I was going crazy and spiraling downward!

I meditated, did a card reading, and the cards basically told me to put on my big girl panties. Which, for the past two weeks I hadn't been wearing pants at all, let alone big girl ones! So that's what I did. I put on pants and went for a walk. And you know what? I found my big girl panties! Amazing what a simple walk can do. I was a creative without an outlet. I was a social being without any way to engage in person. And I needed to journal my thoughts out of my head before it exploded on me and then I would be no good to anyone. I came home, opened the computer, went on to Facebook, and started writing. Why on Facebook? Probably because I craved connection, normally no one would see how scattered and rambling my thoughts really were, but this allowed a little bit of me out into the world when we were so isolated.

Dear Fred. He started out as just a name so I had a person to write to, but quickly morphed into my dream man. Albeit fictional (I'm not that crazy to think he is real!) Fred saved my life in a way, and our letters helped others feel less alone in the madness. Fred is the most wonderful of listeners, he has no judgement, no unkindness, and he is all heart. He really is the best soul out there. 

Love,

Chandra and Fred

xoxo