The Book Club

Chapter Eleven

I snapped awake, I was laying short ways on my bed like some kind of psychopath. I looked around, not seeing Nancy. A panic filled my nervous system before I realized the shower was on. There was a soft humming from the bathroom. I slid off the side of the bed onto my feet. She left the door open. I didn't think. I didn't think at all. I just walked into the bathroom and opened the shower curtain. Nancy noticed almost immediately. She didn't cover herself, instead she just grabbed my shirt and pulled me towards her. The water on her hands soaked into my shirt, dampening the area she grabbed. She pulled me into the shower, the water running over us, immediately soaking my clothes. I leaned against her, letting the water run over my face. She was mine. The beautiful girl standing in front of me, in my shower, completely naked. I did what any reasonable person would do and kissed her. The water ran over our lips as they connected. There was a moment where the only thing to be heard was the sound of the water and a soft moan that escaped Nancy's lips into mine. Holy shit. My hand rested on her hip before she moved it behind her, placing it on her lower back. I was going to miss this. I'm going to miss every single bit of her, every single square inch of her body, every single aspect of her life and her smile. I'm going to miss her bubbly personality and how she always seems to make me feel like the luckiest person in the world.
She stepped out of the shower as I dried myself off with a towel. She wrapped herself in a towel and looked over to me, her eyes looking me up and down. Part of me wanted to scream but instead I just smiled and looked down, avoiding her eye contact. I wanted to scream so loud. I just wanted to tell everyone "THIS IS MY GIRLFRIEND." She was so perfect, so sweet. I knew I was going to keep her forever just by looking at her. She was quite literally a goddess. Just the way she stood in front of my bathroom mirror wrapped up in that towel. I covered my mouth to hide a smile. "I can feel you staring." She said with a smile that I could hear in her voice.
"I'm not staring, I'm admiring. There's a difference."
"Do you want to show me that the difference is?" Nancy turned to me, her eyes almost seductive as she looked me up and down. Before I could answer there was a knock on the door, loud enough to hear it from in the bathroom. I sighed and dropped the towel to the floor, walking towards the front door. As soon as I opened the door, Steve and Eddie forced themselves into the house holding multiple boxes.
"What is happening?" I asked quietly as I let the boys take over the house.
"Oh, we're partying tonight. We're gonna get fucked up in honor of your recent engagement to Nancy." Eddie showed a snarky smile as he spoke. I froze.
"Engagement?" I asked with a blank stare, my eyes fluttered before I looked to my bedroom. Nancy walked out with her hair wrapped in a towel. She immediately met eyes with me then scanned the two boys with the cases of alcohol.
"Well, you told Nancy she was your girlfriend and that you loved her in the same night so you might as well get hitched by now." Steve continued after Eddie, only making things feel worse. I suddenly felt like there was a crushing weight on my shoulders. It's not that I didn't love Nancy but just thinking about marriage made me feel light headed.
"You told them?" I looked over to Nancy as she removed the towel from her hair, letting her wet curls bounce around her face.
"Well, I told Steve." She said quietly, giving me that 'am I in trouble face.' I let out a soft sigh then rubbed my hand over my face. I smiled as my hand slid off my face.
"It's okay." I turned to face Steve and Eddie, "we aren't getting married. That's like the least of our priorities right now." I turned back to Nancy, trying to cover up the fact that I just said I wouldn't marry her. "I mean I would want to eventually but it's not exactly legal and I love you but I'm too young and-" Steve interrupted me by holding a beer in front of my face. I looked over to him disappointed. "Isn't it like 10 in the morning?"
"Rob, it's 3:36pm."
"That's still way too early to drink." I reminded Steve.
"Not if you're getting hitched." He joked back.

It was still way too early to drink but by the time it go to 7pm I was fucked up. It could have been the fact that Nancy dropped on me that she'd be leaving last night or the intense peer pressure that the boys were letting off. I looked across my bedroom where Nancy sat with her back against the wall. She sat under the window, looking up at the ceiling as she took another drink. I felt the one-too-many headache starting to set in. Another part of me just want to say, "Have you told Steve and Eddie you're leaving?" I did say it. I couldn't stop myself. Nancy looked up, her eyes wide with surprise.
"No, I haven't. That's something I just wanted you to know." Nancy stood up off the floor as Steve quickly turned his head to her. "I'm leaving in three months. Are you guys happy?" Nancy set her drink down on the dresser and grabbed her bag, heading towards the front door. I quickly scrambled off the bed. Shit. What did I do? Come on, drunk me. You're an idiot.
"Nancy!" I yelled as I followed her out the door. She was so fast at walking. She was already at her car, about to open the door to get it. "I'm sorry, I didn't know!" I ran down the front of the lawn, stumbling as a avoided tripping multiple times.
"Except you did, Robin. You're drunk, go inside." She opened the back door of her car and threw her bag inside. She slammed the door a little too hard.
"You can't drive you're drunk." I said, struggling to catch my breath.
"I'm not drunk. I haven't had a single drink tonight because I'm not stupid. You remember what happened last time I drank."
"Yeah... you kiss me." I stood shocked, motionless in the terror that filled my body. Did Nancy regret kissing me? I stood there in the middle of my front lawn watching as the girl I love opened her car door and started to get in.
"Robin, that's not what I mean." She stopped herself from getting in and closed the door, walking around the side of the car to where I was at. There was a silence before she reached for my face.
"No, Nancy. That is what you mean."
"It's not."
"It is."
"Robin! No it's not!" She was shouting at me. This was the worst feeling I've ever had. My mom shouted at me like this. She shouted so loud that the neighbors woke up. Nancy did the same, throwing her hands in the air as she yelled. I couldn't help but step back. It was a reflex, I swear. "Robin," Nancy lowered her hands. "If this is how we are now then how are we going to be when I leave?"
"I don't know." I watched Nancy's hands, making sure they weren't going to head towards me. "Wait, are you b-breaking up with me?" I could hear my own words slurring. I was too drunk for this. She didn't even mention breaking up but I jumped to conclusions.
"Robin,"
"You said you loved me." I reminded her. God, why did I say that? That was stupid.
"Sometimes when you love something you have to let it go. People still love each other and break up all the time." Wait? She was serious? I felt my heart fall to my stomach. That hall formed in my throat. What the hell?
"Nancy, what?" I couldn't process the information. "I just called you my girlfriend last night."
"Yeah quite a long relationship." She bit the inside of her cheek. I can't believe this is happening. "I just don't think we're going to be okay when I leave so I might as well get it over with now."
"Get it over with now?" I was almost yelling. It was definitely the alcohol in my blood. I was WAY too drunk for this. "Nancy!" I was crying but also yelling. My throat felt like it was on fire.
"I'm sorry! We both knew it was coming!" Nancy was crying more than I was. There was not a single drop of alcohol in her system though. This is how she really felt.
"Fuck you! You're not sorry!" I took another step back, terrified that this was going to be like the arguments I had with my mom.
"I am!" Nancy threw her hands into the air as she yelled. "You don't know how I'm feeling right now!" She swung her hands down, I jumped backwards, flinching. Nancy paused her next sentence. "Rob, I would never hit you."
I knew she wouldn't but I didn't know what to say. This was the end. "Bye, Nancy. Have fun at N.D." I quickly turned and ran back up to the house, feeling the most sober I had in a while. Before I got to the house I noticed Steve and Eddie standing in the window. Oh shit, they saw everything. As soon as I got in the house I turned and watched as Nancy got in her car through the window on the door. She didn't drive away. She just sat with her head against the wheel, crying.
"Are you okay?" Steve put his hand on my shoulder. I turned and pushed my face into his chest. Steve was the only person who knew how to make me feel better. Not even my dad had mastered that yet. He put his arms around me and held my head to his chest.
"She-"
"We know." Steve pulled my face away from his chest by putting his hands on my cheeks. He used his thumb to wipe under my eyes. "It'll be okay." He smiled down at me. It was weird. I always felt safe with Steve. It wasn't like a friend thing. It was more of an older brother thing. He was my protector. If someone dared to say something homophobic or just flat out mean to me then he'd track them down. He was the most important person to me besides my dad. Then there was Eddie. Eddie stood behind me, his arms wrapped around the back of me so I was sandwiched between the two boys in a hug. It was nice. I felt loved.
I liked the love that Eddie and Steve gave me, but I loved the love that Nancy Wheeler gave me.

Sometimes people still love each other after they breakup.
Sometimes one of them moves on and the other is stuck trying to get over the failed relationship while the love of their life is across the state probably getting college dudes.
I can't compete with that.
I didn't compete with that.
We went from "people love each other all the time" to "people love each other and break up all the time" in a matter of hours.
It didn't matter now.
Nancy leaves for college in a week.
I didn't think we would be broken up this long.