DESTINY CAN BE MISCHIEVOUS

PROLOGUE

"You're my favorite place to go when my mind searches for peace," he weakly smiled at me. "My favorite place is inside your hug. You are my peace. Wherever you are is my home, my only home..I'm at peace every time I'm with you, love.."

"No, I'm not your peace.." I shook my head. "Chaos is what I can only give you..We can't be together," I held his left cheek and caressed it. "I can't be your peace," napahikbi na ako nang nakita kong naluluha na ang mga mata niya. "So, just f-find your other peace..please.."

Hinayaan ko na lang na bumuhos ang mga luha ko kahit hindi ko na alam kung gaano na kagulo ang itsura ko. I even did not resist my sobs to show him that our dilemma was also overwhelming for me. This decision of mine was too heavy for my heart. Pero kinakaya ko na lang lahat ng sakit dahil ginusto kong piliin ang tama.

But the thought of him loving someone else is unbearable to my heart...

"But I only want you..You're my person." Gumaralgal ang boses niya kaya kailangan kong ilipat ang atensyon ko sa laptop ko o sa kung saan para hindi ako maapektohan.

"I h-hope you'll find s-someone who doesn't make you s-sad as what I'm d-doing to you right now," I looked at him straight in his eyes to show him that I was serious with my words, even though I was still whimpering. "S-Someone who reminds you she l-loves you every day. Someone w-who can f-fight for you," I softly proposed to him. "Kasi hindi ko kaya..hindi ko kayang ipaglaban 'to. A-Ayokong gawin mo kung ano ang binabalak mo."

"How can you look at someone you love straight in the eyes, and tell me to walk away to find someone else?" I sobbed harder when his tears started to stream down his cheeks. "I can't even do that to you, Ri. Hindi kita kayang tingnan tapos sasabihin kong 'taposin na natin'. Hindi ko kayang sabihin sayo na maghanap ka na lang ng iba. I can't bear to see you with someone else, Ri.."

"I can't remember that I said that I love you." Umiiyak akong umiling sa kaniya, totally ignored his words and tears.

"No, I can clearly remember what you said to me that night, Ri. Birthday ko noon, 'di ba? You said that you were falling for me.."

Umiling lang ako sa kaniya habang pinipigilan na ang sarili kong humikbi.

"Yes, you did. Sinabi mo 'yon, Ri," nagpaubaya na lang ako nang iharap niya ako sa kaniya para mahigpit akong yakapin. "Kaya nga after that day you let me call you 'love', Ri. Come on, you don't need to lie about that, love..I think you have no idea of how much this is h-hurting me.."

I could not stop myself from caressing his back when his shoulders started to shake. I even bit my lower lip to stop myself from comforting him. Ayokong isipin niya na hindi ko siya kayang tiisin kapag pinakalma ko siya. But shit! Gusto kong suntokin ang sarili ko dahil patuloy ko pa rin na hinahaplos ang likod niya.

"Ri.."

I breathed deeply to do my best to stop myself from whimpering. Nagmumukha akong clown sa ginagawa kong pagtaboy sa kaniya pero pinapakalma naman siya.

"Hindi nga tayo pwede.." Sumubsob ako sa balikat niya nang umusbong na naman ang panibagong luha ko.

My heart could not handle his cries. I could not handle watching him crying.

"Pwede tayo, Ri..Just trust me, please.." humigpit ang yakap niya na halos ipitin na niya ang bewang ko. "I'm so scared to lose you it keeps me up at night. Just the thought of you leaving me,  I can feel everything crushing inside, Ri. Please, let's work this out t-together, Riri.." naramdaman ko kaagad na nabasa ang leeg ko nang sinubsob niya ang mukha niya sa leeg ko. "May naisip na akong p-paraan, hayaan mo lang ako. Kahit ako--kahit ako na lang ang gagawa ng lahat, ako lang ang kikilos. Just promise me you'll stay with me throughout the process. Please, I don't wanna lose you.. I don't wanna lose what we have. Nagmamakaawa ako sa'yo, mahal.."

Napapikit na lang ako sa mga sinabi niya.

Paano ba niya ipaglalaban na itama ang mali?