Curse Of The Mundane

Something was missing from her life. She used to be fun. Memories of a young adult whom she no longer was broke through. Riding with friends to a party or to a pub, images of a girl with a wide grin spread across her face in excitement with the car window open all the way, the warm summer sun on her face and the wind blowing her dark brown hair back as everyone in the car tossed witty banter around and shared mild gossip about other people who would be at the gathering they were heading to. Memories of laying blissfully on one of a few towels lined up next to each other in the sand under the blistering sun after a swim in a very fresh and cold ocean only to playfully jolt up after having more freezing cold water cascade onto her upper belly and seeing a friend laughing above her, a water fight ensuing with laughter and play. Gatherings around a table or a bonfire at the end of a big night, secrets shared and love freely given in the intimate glow of candles or fire, and the shine and glare of them sparkling on the whisky bottles and glasses.

As she wiped the steam off the mirror after a shower and paused to look at the reflection of her naked body, turning from side to side, grabbing her muffin top and running her fingers over the stretch marks on her fat padded belly she felt like a shadow of her former self. She used to be pretty, funny and adventurous. And now she felt like she had murdered her life but it didn't stay dead, it came back as a zombie. She is now a frumpy married mother of two with the fashion sense that screamed "I just want to be comfortable." Her life before was a complete contrast of what her days were like now. She missed herself. Where did she go?

Her days were currently filled with crying children and their demands, mundane tasks and waiting for the next crash and burn to end while enduring days of feeling like a pale, unkempt, washed out shell of a human, coffee being her only salvation between demands. She was always waiting for the opportunity for a quick and secret shot of pleasure in any form it came, the magic in the moment being it was for her and only her. Secret chocolate quickly eaten and never savored in a quiet place in the house while the children were watching TV. A 10 minute conversation with a close friend before the children caught on and started intruding on that time with the most entitled attitude they could muster, a rushed and not quite fulfilling orgasm in the shower while the children were asleep at nap time. Small moments she could steal for herself.

In desperation she tried to break up the monotony with little wins such as creating a beautiful garden, adding school commitments to her already large list of things to do, socializing with people she didn't quite fit with.

But nothing. Filled. That. Gaping. Soul. Hole.

That was until a coffee date at a quiet and out of the way cottage café with an acquaintance and prospective friend ignited a genuine interest in the tiny bit of soul she had left. The way she spoke about spirituality, tarots, ghosts and witchcraft, and the out of the ordinary nature of this conversation stimulated her interest in a way which filled her with intrigue. She went away from that meeting feeling something new, like something was right, as though she was looking down a path into a deep forest and was taking her first step into the vast unknown, ready to become lost and yet found at the same time. She researched, dabbled and experimented with different herbs, crystals, scrying methods and spells. At first it was white witch business. Fierce protection around her home, a fertility spell for a friend, dreaming of and communicating with loved ones who had recently passed, all of the prayers she sent into the universe over herbs, paper, jars and fire were fulfilled. She then got a little more into the grey area. Cursing the penis of a friends philandering husband and creating fast karma against those who wronged her. She was very powerful and it was easy to have her prayers answered after they were sent into the unknown.

One day she couldn't help but feel that gaping hole inside her soul re-open slightly. What was it that she needed? Maybe it was a space she needed, a space in the home just for her. She thought about it for a couple of days, mentally taking inventory of all the corners and little nooks in the home where she could set it up and what she would place where. One day she was outside in the backyard gardening when a particular spot grabbed her attention. This was perfect! It was outside away from the noise, the chaos, the monotony inside the house. In the garden she could commune with nature and do her spells in peace. She could make a small private area in the corner which was surrounded by lush plants, a large tree with branches above to give shade on a hot afternoon. She decided to cast a spell to help make this space everything she ever wanted in a private, tranquil space. She wanted something exciting to happen in her life and she wanted this space to reflect that, she wanted fulfillment and spiritual adventure, and this place would give it to her. She set up everything she needed for the next day so she could quickly cast it in the morning while the children were watching their favorite cartoon. She thought about it all night. Words popped into her mind as though they were not hers.