The Hockey Game ~ Trevor Zegras

9

*Lilly's POV*

I have not been doing very well lately. I have been very much in my own head and it's as if my thought's never stop. I've had to start going back to therapy every week again. I was doing so good and now it's like I'm back to square one. And although Trevor, Maria and Anna have been by my side the entire time I still feel so lonely.

"Hi Lilly" My therapist Sara greets me as we walk into her office. I just give a nod not really wanting to say anything yet. When we get to her office I sit down on the plush comfortable couch and Sara sits in her office chair.

"How you doing girl" I like Sara. She's not a therapist that is serious all the time; it's like she's just a good friend checking up on me.

"To be honest, not very well. It feels like my world is falling apart. I'm having nightmares every night again. And I wake up thinking it's still real. Then I'm stuck feeling like crap all day" I explain and Sara listens intently.

"Have you been taking all your meds?" She asks and I nod my head telling the truth.

"OK, have you been using the coping mechanism we have talked about? They have helped in the past." I nod no and point my eyes to the floor. I completely forgot about them. It seems like I'm forgetting everything these days.

"Alright well there's one thing you can try. I'm also going to add a sedative onto your prescriptions. You'll take it before you go to bed and hopefully that will help. Now let's forget about that for a couple minutes because I want to talk about what's new in your life. Anything that could be a trigger for all these feelings coming back." It can't be everything new that's happened has been the best thing to happen to me in years.

"I made some new friends at a hockey tournament. I'm the closest to Trevor and Maria. But, they're all really nice. I don't see why any of them would trigger me" Sara nods and gives me a solemn look.

"Tell me about Trevor"

"Well he's really sweet, won't let me open a car door, talks to me anytime of the day if I need to talk to someone. He actually skipped school the other day because I was having a really bad day and he just spent it on the phone with me. He's also adorable. He has really fluffy hair. Really he's just the absolute best person." I gush as this is the first time I've told someone about Trevor besides Anna.

"So it sounds like you are pretty smitten about him. Lilly, have you thought maybe this relationship is reminding your subconscious about the beginning of your past relationship." Shit that can't be true right? Trevor is nothing like that dickbag. Right?

"So what uh what do I do?" I manage to sputter out as tears gather in my eyes. I can't have anything fucking good happen to me since Clayton.

"Try taking things slower. It sounds like you guys are constantly talking to each other. Remember that you and your mind need space to yourselves sometimes. I'm not saying you have to drop him out of your life, because he does sound like a good guy, just apply some pressure to the brakes. Ok? And it wouldn't hurt to talk to him about all of this"

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"Hey Trev, are you alone right now?" I ask as he answers the facetime and his gorgeous face blesses my phone screen.

"Yeah what's up?"

"So you know how the other day I didn't want to talk about what was making me upset?" Trevor's face turns serious and he adjusts his position on his bed.

"Yeah" I take a deep breath and decide to just get it over with.

"Well my therapist advised me to talk to you about it so uh here goes nothing. Uma when I was 14 years old I got my first boyfriend, Clayton, who I thought at the time was the best guy in the world but really he was just an asshole in disguise. After 8 months of dating he uh took my virginity and then dumped me. He told our entire school that I was a slut who gave it up for anyone. And everyone turned on me. People I had been friends with since preschool just dumped me in the trash. The only person who stayed was Anna and I am so grateful for her. Clayton was a rich popular asshole so the whole school wanted to be on his side. Girls would put notes on my lockers and whisper things constantly. And that's why I do online school now." I paused giving Trevor a second to process everything before I continued and I reluctantly took a look at my phone screen. Trevor looked distraught but there was also a twinge of anger in his eyes.

"Screw that guy flower, he never deserved you matter of fact he doesn't deserve anyone or anything. Guys like that should be exiled to a different fucking planet." He was now pacing around his room phone still in hand.

"I know, but uh I have more to tell you" Trevor Quickly got a hold of himself and sat down again urging me to go on.

"Well lately I've been having nightmares reliving stuff that happened throughout the relationship and everything after. The other day when you stayed on the phone with me I hadn't slept that night because I was too scared to see it all again. Anyways uh my therapist thinks that our relationship could be a trigger. And suggests that we kinda take things slower. And I know that you're nothing like him, you have been nothing but nice to me and everyone around you. She thinks that my subconscious is just recognizing this as the beginning of a relationship. Which I don't even know if it is and I just realized that telling you all this is like telling you that I have feelings for you and you might not even have feelings for me. And I'm rambling, please stop me."

"Flower?" Trevor urges me with his voice to look back at the phone.

"Yeah?"

"I have feelings for you too, and we can go as slow as you need. If we're gonna have a relationship I need you to be 100% comfortable. Ok?" I nod my head as my cheeks turn pink.

"Now when was the last time you slept?" He asks and I don't even try to lie.

"About 36 hours ago" Trevor's eyes go big and he quickly gets up to turn his lights off and then gets back in his bed.

"What are you doing?" I ask confused by his actions.

"We are going to bed. If you want me to I'll stay on facetime but if you don't I'm not hanging up until I see you ready for and in bed. Sleep is very important, Miss Flower." I giggle at Trevor's ability to turn the mood light in 0.2 seconds.

"Ok let me go get changed and I'll be back Mr. Trev"

"I'll be here"