irreplaceable

1

2015, 15 years old.

It really hurt when Sophia was told she had to leave the place where she grew up in. It wasn't where she was born, but it was where her heart was tied to. But what really hurt was seeing him cry in front of her the night when she left. Do you still cry? She wonders.

The wind was loud that night. "Almost as if it wanted me to leave with her." He told himself that, just to try and feel a little bit better, but it didn't work. Nothing worked out lately.

They were standing a meter away from each other, Jeno and Sophia, in a park near "work". This park held even the memories they couldn't remember anymore, the park where they ran to together with Jaemin, ever since they met back in the summer audition of 2012. The memories were filled with happiness, but they were about to make a new one filled with the total opposite. "It was going to be hard to forget" Sophia thought, and it was.

Jeno had asked his manager, more like begged, for some time alone on their last day together. It was a bit hard for them to be completely alone because there was always someone watching, but he managed to convince her. He wanted to tell Sophia lots of things, but he needed at least some minutes to properly say goodbye. He'd been so angry at her for not staying, that he felt he had lost the little time they had left.

They stood there in the slight rain, in the almost dark park except for the court's light posts, and they stood there for nearly 30 minutes before anyone dared to speak. The cars down the avenue were the only ones that could be heard, not even their breaths.

— I promise I'll be back during the holidays — was the only thing Sophia could come up with.

Jeno turned his face elsewhere in hopes of preventing Sophia from seeing the tears falling down his cheeks. The ones he'd been holding in for days, the one that came unannounced and naturally without permission.
Sophia had never seen him cry for real before, so this might have been what could break her to a million pieces, Jeno's tears begging for her to stay.

Jeno looked at her again, discreetly wiping the tears that were now on his chin, about to fall to the ground and to be one with the rain.

— You don't have to leave yet. You can keep trying at the company. I feel like they still have something planned out for you. — Jeno said with such a soft voice that it hurt. It sounded so broken at the same time, and it was not the first time he said it or the first time he sounded like this. It seemed like he didn't get tired at all of saying it. Over and over again, not taking no for an answer.

— I don't think so, Jeno — Sophia answered with nothing more to say or do.

Sophia has been training for 3 years already alongside Jeno, and whilst he'd already made it into next year's debut group, she'd achieved nothing besides being underweight, prominent dark circles, and fallen dreams before her eyes. She knew and completely understood that 3 years training meant nothing because there had been girls training for more than 10 years, but she was not made to endure that much. She simply couldn't.

— I can convince Manager noona to talk to him — He was referring to the company's CEO. And he was quite insistent, taking a step forward and looking directly into her eyes. He was serious about it. His eyes looked tired, tired of trying hard not to let go of the tears. Sophia's were tired as well, puffy because of the constant crying throughout the last few weeks.

— No, Jeno. I'm leaving and it's decided. My dad is not giving me options, we're just leaving and that's it — she took a step back letting go of his hands. Holding them only made her hurt more and more. They were so cold.

— I will talk to him. Let's go right now — Jeno took Sophia's hand once again and took off towards manager noona's van.

Manager noona took care of Jeno, Sophia and the rest of the rookies ever since they were very young. Though she was also young, she felt like a second mother to them. She really cared for them and she really loved them, too. And there she was, on the driver's seat carefully looking at them with the windows down, and listening to every single one of Jeno's pleads. It even looked like she was feeling Jeno's sadness, she felt really bad and it really hurt her to see him being so insistent like that. He was never like that! He never shared his feelings out loud like he was doing at that moment, so it hurt her, it really did.

— Stop it, please — Sophia stood firmly, not letting him pull from her arm again. — you're only making me feel worse — and it was then that her voice finally started breaking.

— I'm sorry — he said whilst, once again, looking down at the floor. He fumbled with his hair trying to keep it casual, he failed. — I just don't know what I'm going to do — he chuckled. Not a funny chuckle nor a sarcastic one, but one that felt nervous and very scared.

— Nothing. You don't have to do anything, Jeno. Just do what you always do — She said, chuckling as well. She turned to manager noona who was still in the van, she was pointing at her watch, meaning that they had to leave.

— I can't do what I always do because everything I do, I do it with you — Jeno let out almost in a sigh. His voice as quiet as possible.

— Jaemin would hit you if he could listen to you saying that — Sophia tried to make him laugh, but he didn't. — We should go — she said while signaling the van.

— So, this is it? — he said. His voice was full of disappointment and anger.

— I promise I'll be back in summer and for Christmas. Dad said he wanted me here, so we'll see each other soon, I swear — Sophia offered her hand, in hopes that this would make Jeno trust in her.

And Jeno took her hand, but instead of shaking it, he pulled her into her arms. He held her strongly, very strongly. He thought maybe if he clung onto her, she'd choose to stay. Jeno held her for quite some time without saying a thing, and she didn't try to move at all. They'd hugged before. Their shared birthday celebrations forced them to do so at least once a year, but this hug was different. In it, the need and desperation could be felt. It wasn't until Jeno spoke that Sophia couldn't contain herself anymore.

— Don't do this to me. Please, don't leave me, Sophie — Jeno said with the most pain Sophia had ever heard or felt coming from him.

Sophia started crying and her shoulders started shaking. She could feel Jeno's shirt getting wet under her face, but she didn't move away. She just couldn't. She felt that being in his arms was a need that she would have to forget, because soon it would be out of reach.

Jeno was the one to break from the hug. He did it only so he could see her face. He had always thought that she was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen in his life, and he felt guilty saying this,but he thought she was most beautiful when she was crying. Her eyes bright like bubbles, and her nose so pink that Jeno wanted to take a bite and see if it really tasted like marshmallows, as he always thought it would.

He stared at her firmly for a few seconds before taking her chin lightly, and then bring her into what would be his first and only kiss. Jeno silently swore he would never ever kiss another mouth, because no mouth would he ever found, that would taste like hers. Its taste like her everyday grape lip balm, and the cotton candy they had before coming to the park.

It was just a small kiss, a peck even, but it was the best thing that has happened in his life until now.

A flash could be seen in the background. It was obvious that they were being followed and spied on, but deludedly, they believed that they'd respect their last moment together.

Sophia pushed him hard, and this broke his heart.

— You shouldn't have done that— Sophia told him whilst starting to run towards the van. He ran behind her, picking up the pieces.

When entering the van, the soft sobs coming from his manager could be heard, and how she struggled to wipe the tears with her jacket's sleeve.

And throughout their way home, Sophia cried. She was looking at the window in hopes they wouldn't see her, but it was obvious and hopeless.

She didn't want to look at him, she couldn't. She knew that if she even took a glance at him, she would die. But he did. He never stopped looking her way, in hopes that she'd look back to tell him that she'd stay. And his hope never fell, not even when she hoped out of the without looking back at him.

Next chapter...

Sophia fulfilled her promise of visiting Korea every time holidays came by until 2018, and Jeno never dared to touch her grape lips in any of these occasions.

Jeno was dying to do so. He was dying to touch them and bite them and leave his mark and name all over them, but he just couldn't, not when both his best friend and Sophia were looking at each other that way.