BILLIE JEAN ( eddie munson.. ) ✔

019. But Now I'm Drowning..

Devin turned on the water. He began washing his hands from dirt he carried with himself from the quarry.

"It wants you to feel this way," Billie said, monotonously, because had she let her tone fluctuate the way she wished it had, this had the potential to turn into one of their usual, counter-productive discussions, which became thrice as frequent since their mom died. She never quite understood why they've grown apart, because to her, it always seemed like Devin reverted back to the devious years of childhood, trying to rewrite all he had grown to be. He was becoming someone else.

Devin's hands stopped moving through the pouring water and Billie believed that was the reassurance of him actually listening to her. She finally threaded a step closer to him and further from the door.

"Whoever is doing this to us," she sighed, "wants us to feel isolated, cornered, scared, lost... cold."

How unfair was the bitter taste of knowing Billie's simple words were describing thoughts Devin's subconscious had been fueling and growing at the back of his mind ever since the beginning of the spring break, when this started.

"Even when it's not here, you can still feel it," Billie continued. She felt the cold chill starting from her left shoulder, covering her neck, and then her whole arm too. Devin's left arm hurt from the inside of the bone he had broken in their old house, then his bruises came alive in a vibration which has been there for so long he grew used to ignoring.

With a shake of his head, Devin dismissed the sensation Billie was making him aware of all of a sudden. He had enough on his plate without her digging into his well built walls. His hands started moving away, violently rubbing and cleaning under the stream of water.

"What I am trying to say here is that you are not alone-"

Devin slammed his hands, turned into fists, over the water tap, turning it off by the sheer force of the impact turning it. He huffed a laugh while his unclenched hands found comfort in gripping instead the cold edge of the sink. Drops formed vein-like rivers, draining off his skin onto the floor.

"Billie, Billie, Billie...," he sighed. "I've been alone for almost a year already."

She didn't even have the time to think of speaking when Devin already continued, "Poor little Sam." Breaks cut the fluency of his sarcastic sentence, spoken through a snarl which had once been a smile, before the joy got killed out of him. His elbows started shaking and Billie's inhale stopped her chest from rising, freezing it in place, much like it froze her from taking any steps forward.

"Poor little Billie," Devin repeated with her name as well. "And oh, praise Barry, without whom we wouldn't have lived through that night. But what about Devin?" He paused and his head started turning slowly, to the side. "What about me?"

Billie would have expected anything but to see Devin's eyes filled with tears. Heck, considering how the last days have been, Billie heard his tone drop and assumed she was already floating off the ground or already possessed by the Mirror Man. But to see his real eyes look at her that pained, that angry with bottled up emotion, that was the unexpected chain of water around her neck.

Because now, at last, she remembered the night their mother died. He had cried out in pain when he broke his arm, but she remained paralyzed, too scared to move down the stairs. And when she did climb down, she saw he had fainted so she moved to save Sam.

She did what she thought was right. Prioritizing in order to survive.

"You all forgot I even existed," Devin sighed and dropped his gaze back down to the sink, defeated. Water clogged around the drain, not going down. In that pool, he saw his reflection right before the surface rippled under the first tear which dropped off the tip of his nose. "And if my own family doesn't want my company, then why should I even bother? But I did bother. Causing trouble was the only way to get your attention. Pranking Sam got him and you talking with me again. Getting detention got dad to knock at my door from time to time. Truly, Billie, I am just too tired to seek anyone's attention in this family anymore."