𝐌𝐀 𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐄 | GENSHIN ONESHOTS.

#𝟎𝟎𝟒. 𝐕𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐎𝐔𝐒. | asking "what am i to you?"

You won't be getting one tonight, you know, but you concede with a nod. Not that you'll wait forever, ―but it's only fair to give him time, to process, to reflect, and to search for an answer that he currently just isn't privy to.

And that's okay, even if it hurts.

#

𝐃𝐈𝐋𝐔𝐂's, ― silence is deafening. All the words he doesn't say, all the ways in which he hesitates, have you choking on all the pride you had to build up over weeks just to ask him the question in the first place. It feels silly now, maybe even pathetic... You fear you should have just kept your mouth shut.

"Diluc... What am I to you?"

His composure has fallen, slain to its knees by a single inquiry that has him reeling. He's a man of few words, but this quiet is different than any other you've stood before him in. It's heavier. It slithers in your veins and whispers derisory words to your heart. You want to apologize, but you can't find the will to even part your lips that are pursed into a tight line in a futile attempt to stop them from quivering.

"I was hoping I'd never have to answer that," he admits, "though I know that's a selfish request."

He'd sought comfort in your virtue, ―in the unlabeled haven you'd offered him for so long now. The most dangerous thing is to love, he knows, and he's yet to heal the wounds of his past, leaving him desolate and yet desperate for a safe place to stay and a soft place to fall. Even more so, up until now, he'd believed that was in you. But what he realizes now more than ever is that that was an unfair weight to place on your unknowing shoulders. And he knows you deserve an answer, despite greedily wishing he could deny you the right to one.

"I'm sorry," you apologize softly, "if you don't want to say anything else, you don't have to. I didn't mean to put you on the spot like this, and if you want me to leave for now, I understand."

"No," he shakes his head, "there's no need for that."

The pause he takes between that sentence and the next feels like a lifetime for you. It's barely a few seconds long, but an infinity hangs low behind the curtains. Sometimes, forever only lasts a fleeting moment.

"You are someone that I... Value," he decides, "someone that I have a lot of respect for. Someone that, while I know you don't need it, I would protect with my life if it came down to it."

Thankfully, you highly doubt a situation will arise where he'll ever need to do such a thing. But just the fact that he would do something so drastic for your sake has to count for something, right?

"I don't know what I should call you. I don't know what I should call whatever it is that's happening between us. And if I may be honest in this, —I worry that putting a name on it will make it so permanent that losing you in any sense would be the final straw for my heart."

That isn't what you want. If tying yourself to him will result in a loss to any piece of himself in any circumstances, you just won't do it. In the end, you love him enough to keep him at arm's length, so close and yet so far, if that's what he needs from you. Maybe this is a line you just shouldn't cross...

"Just let me know," you request, reaching out with a slightly hesitant grip.

His fingers curl around your own, letting you know that it's okay.

"Whenever you're ready. I'll be here."

He takes your hand and kisses the back, right at the ridge of your knuckles. His lips slit into the grooves between them. You shiver at the way his warm breath ghosts gently against your skin.

"I assure you; I won't make you wait any longer than what's necessary."

#

𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐋𝐃𝐄, ― stares at you with a mixture of emotions, —none of which you can really put distinctive names to. You fear you've overstepped in a way you can't take back.

"... why would you ask that now?" He replies, voice steady, but so soft that it seems almost deceptive.

"What am I to you?"

You swallow, hoping to loosen the unseen grip that squeezes at your throat. It does little to help, and you find your eyes drifting down to the green grass. Stars shimmer in the sky overhead, once offering comfort and courage, —but now they seem to mock you with their twinkling laughter. Up in the heavens, they needn't concern themselves with the likes of you, so insignificant to them... They can chuckle from way up there, because they don't have to feel this pain.

"I just wanted to know," you reply, too nervous and ashamed to meet his gaze.

You find a blade of grass to play with, weaving it between your middle and index fingers. Childe makes an attempt to sneak a peek at your face. He isn't able to see, but even if he could, a part of him already knows what he'd find there behind your eyes. He doesn't know if he's ready for that.

"I'm a harbinger," he says, "I come and go before you know it. One minute I'm here, and the next I'm a thousand miles away."

But you already know that. You've experienced it firsthand, —but he always comes back, and that's what keeps you holding on. He never leaves and fails to return. Like the whispering winds of Mondstadt, he arrives when you need it the most, and with a gentle touch, he convinces you that everything will be okay.

"I'm sure there's hundreds of people in Teyvat just like me, right? Who think of you fondly enough to wait around for the next chance at seeing you once more," you say softly, but you couldn't have predicted just how hurtful those words would be to your own heart.

To think he looks at someone in the same manner that he looks at you, —takes others out on late night walks and stargazing hikes, to think that he lets the backs of his hands brush against theirs too.

"Not at all," he shakes his head, and you dare to glance up again as he draws his attention to the sky, —as if he's reminiscing on something, on a nostalgic feeling that filters through his ego and his pride.

A sadness glazes over Childe's eyes.

"I chase danger, and it follows me in suit," he continues, "so I have to pick my moments carefully. I'm not naive to not realize just how reckless I am, and I don't want to drag anyone I care for into these messes I make with me."

"Other than my family, there's really... Not anyone I return to like this. Just you. I don't have business here the way I used to when we met. All of that was settled months ago. I come back here to see you, —catch a glimpse if that's all I'll get. It's the closest thing I have to home away from Snezhnaya."

Is that your answer? You're home to him?

You don't ask. But when he points to the sky and says Monoceros Caeli shines brightly tonight, you move closer.