Unrequited Love | [Meteor Garden] Huaze Lei

Chapter 11

The man explained as Xiang Li whispered, tears starting to gloss on her eyes, "You... never forgot about me?"

The guy just let out a breath and a smile etch on his face when he look at the woman in front of him, he slowly shook his head. "I never did... I love how you act normal with me when we met again, it made me comfortable. When I kissed Shancai out of emotions, I can't say it was accident nor I meant it. When I saw you there, it made my heart ache for a reason, seeing you that broken like how I left you, made me scared that you will treat me differently because it was the second time, that's why I started to let everything with you, stayed with you so you will never leave me. I know you were not gentle with me like you used to, but being by your side was enough for me."

"I know I can't possibly give you my feeling back, but please understand, I'm trying to know why you chose me out of all people" Lei said as he took hold of Xiang Li's hands.

"Lei..." the girl whispered as she shook her head towards the guy, "Please don't force yourself to love me. That is cheating on the other person..."

Lei just smiled and sat on the bed, towards Xiang Li, "I'm not forcing myself, I'm letting myself fall for you without knowing. I know this is not the right time but I'm telling you, in the future, you will see me always with you."

"I want to show you that I can give back everything you sacrifice for me, to avoid you being uncomfortable with me. I told my intention for your further understanding. I know... you might thinking I'm using you to forget Jing, I never had that thought. On the rooftop with Shancai, I know our talks must have reach your ears, before I got to explain, I don't know how..."

"I was helpless, I don't know how to explain knowing I was in the wrong. But I don't want to hurt you that time so I put it out on a different woman. But I never knew it will still have the same effect. It hurt me, that should be having comfort to say your worries to me, I never knew Daoming Si will be the one hearing you out."

Xiang Li stared at Lei for a second as tears fall out of her eyes. "I don't understand what your were trying to make me feel... Lei"

Lei just chuckled sadly and let go of my hands, " I know, my head was in a mess right now, I don't know how to put my intentions on the right words"

"I'm not proud of how cruel I can be, yet I still recall your name and birthday. I apologize for not being able to think that anyone has ever begun to truly love me. I apologize for being blind; I never intended to abandon you and the precious memories you shared with me. You'll find a better lover than I did. I'm trying to let you know that you deserve someone better because I am aware that I don't deserve you."

"The manner in which you looked at me, in ways no one has ever been able to. And it appears that I hurt your feelings. I couldn't bear seeing you like that. Knowing even I can hurt some to that extent"

Lei wipe the girl's tears as she laughed sadly, "Please don't hurt me again..." the girl begged as Lei hugged her carefully, "I won't, so please don't cry again because of me"

"Rest Xiang Li... you need it"

She heard the man mention as she started feeling sleepy. She must be really tired... mentally and physically.

Lei slowly lay her down but his gaze was still on her, bruises from the harshness of the encounter of yesterday. Unknowingly, tears he was helding back slowly fell from his eyes as memories of the past flooded back to him.

"Lei, Xiang Li seems to have liken with you." Jing mentioned to me that made me look a little confuse. Who is she? Why was she suddenly brought up on the conversation. 

"Oh, the girl who hangout on the rooftop" Meizuo ask as Jing nodded with a smile. "She is just an acquaintance"

I answered when I remembered who she was, Jing look at me, "It doesn't seem like it" 

"I have no intention on being friends with her. Did she mention such things to you?" I ask Jing, I'm worried about what can that girl said that might effect Jing's communication with me. "It's not like that Lei."

"Well Xiang Li is indeed a perfect woman. She seems flawess"

"What about it?" Ximen and Meizuo talk about the girl as I just drank on my wine glass. "She seems to taken a liking with you, Lei. Don't you like her?"

Jing honestly ask I shook my head in disbelief. I don't want anyone other than Jing, and the girl surely known I like Jing already, I'm quite obvious. to begin with. When I heard Jing leaving, I was planning to follow her and the girl we were talking about, Xiang Li talked to me about how she feels.

Which I rejected, I never harshly did but I never understand the reason why me out of all people. But from that time, I saw what she really feels like. I never knew she have the intention to made me realize what I was lacking on. But I misunderstood that time.

I only know how to look down on myself that's why the reason why Xiang Li loved me because of me being friends with Daoming Si. Followed by she was younger than me, I never knew her that's why I have no reason to love her.

But when I met her again in the rooftop, I can't forget how I judged her that time when she only spoke out for her broken heart to me. Those years haunt me...

I never knew I would take her outburst seriously, but she was right on one thing. We are really the same person trying to make the person who love us, give that same affection back. Seeing her live normally before, I don't know whether being close to her will clear the anger between the both of us.

But the emotion, anger, never really appeared after that. I just have the comfort I needed, when I met her again. I realized how big her role was on my life. She changed, how she act, she became more gentle after years passed. She prioritize her talents more than anything else. And, she didn't let our conversation hold her back. She grown to be a strong woman, that changed her perspective in life.

The time she pursue me to followed her again... there was something that was making me hope for her to held me back. And I will surely stay that time. That time, I thought she completely lost her feeling and I was also glad. My emotions was mixed, I don't know who I really love.

Being with Jing in Paris made me somehow, guilty of leaving China. Her tears on the day I left, was engraved in mine, including 8 years ago.

My trip to Paris, I just treated is something where I travel with a different woman. When I found the reason to go back, I didn't knew I was also heartbroken that time. But it didn't stop me on buying Xiang Li the things she can't and wouldn't try to achieve. The things I did just to forget Jing, I never thought of getting comfort from her, and it seems like I misunderstood her intentions on it.

I should have made myself realize that she understand me, better than anyone.

I don't want to used her to make me feel better, I don't want to hurt more than I already did. Yet in every action I did, seems a stab to her heart. I don't know... how to make her happier with me.

That's why... this year, both of us will start from the scratch and earn each other's love. We started  to a rocky relationship, and I was the cause of it.

This year, we will start our story.

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Author's Note

Sorry for the Long wait everybody, I kind of lost my motivation and face to face classes started, activities, consecutive exams and quizzes stop me and writing seems a distraction to me. My time was precious and in this Monday, I will have another exam, I just need to write because I kind of thought of reading this book again. But I might make another chapter in Christmas Break.

I hope for everyone to understand <3. 

-Love from the Author