AAMININ KO NA, GUSTO KITA.

VII

But still I kept mum. I'm not in the mood to hear her sermons.

"Magsasalita ka ba o si Xyle na lang ang tatanungin ko?" Left with no choice, I need to answer Shyriz but not with the exact answers to her question.

"Let me talk to him, bababa na ako." Diretsa kong sagot kay Shyriz.

Tatayo na sana ako sa pagkakaupo nang bigla akong pigilan ni Shyriz. Galit galitan lang to kanina, it was her way para pagsalitain ako.

Walang sabi sabi, she enveloped me in a warm hug. A hug that I needed. Hindi ko namalayan na umiiyak na ako—lagi na lang akong umiiyak.

"Shhh...Lagi mong tatandaan na hindi ka magisa okay? Nandito ako, nandito kami. We won't leave you." She said as her soothing hands calmed my nerve down.

I was about to speak so that I could explain why am I acting that way towards Xyle.

"Hindi ako ang dapat makarinig niyan, hindi naman ako ang jowa mo! Andun sa baba yung dapat na makarinig ng explanation mo though hindi niya naman hinihingi."

Hesitating if I should voice it out or if should just keep this to myself but...

"Natatakot lang ako...natatakot ako na baka mapagod na si Xyle sakin, natatakot ako kasi baka isipin niya that I am taking him for granted—"

"Are you?" Shyriz spoke and I am not naive not to understand that she's referring to my last words.

It hit me.

What if I'm being too selfish. Baka nga natatake for granted ko na siya ng hindi ko namamalayan.

Then everything flashes back.

-

I immediately phoned Xyle's number the moment I went away from that reunion. Nanliit ako dahil sa mga sinabi ni Lola, kayang kaya niya akong patayin gamit ang mga salita niya.

I reached a park. I sat down on one of the benches then tears started dripping off my face. At that time wala na akong pake sa hitsura. I just want to ease the pain.

"Mama Cy!" A worried shout from Czar.

I quickly wiped off the tears that won't stop dripping off.

I don't want Czar to see me in this state. No one should see this vulnerable side of me—this season of me.

She hugged me warmly and tightly.

"Ahm Mama Cy—"

"Cy?!" It may looked disrespectful but I broke Czar and  I's embrace and I run and dragged my wholebeing to the man that just arrived.

He hugged me. He really knows what I needed.

"Anong nangyari?" Xyle mouthed.

"Maybe you should ask Mama...and Tatay I'll be going with Mommy muna, she also needs someone right now." And that's when I realized that Cielo was the one who saved me from Lola's slap and I never expected that she'll do it for me—given our situation.

He just let me cry kahit na basang basa na rin ang balikat niya dahil sa mga luha ko.

"Take me home, please." I pleasingly asked him under my breath.

He kissed my temple. "Okay, let me take you home."

The ride home was unlike the usual. Only momentarily beeping of the horns and multiple sniffs and sighs were heard.