Veterans know all this, but for the newcomers of xReader fanfics here's the key:
y/n = Your Name
l/n = Last Name
e/c = Eye Color
h/c = Hair Color
h/l = Hair Length
y/h = Your Height
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I sit on the edge of my worn down apartment building and look down at the ground, 4 stories up. What would happen if I jumped right now? 4 stories isn't very much and the ceilings are relatively low inside. I might survive.
20 minutes ago I was safe in my bed, playing dating sims and eating candy I bought afterschool. Now I'm wondering what the point of it all is. Why do I sit at my computer all day, failing classes and ignoring my friends-- Why do I stick around when I spend all my time in a fantasy world anyways? All of the lonely, insecure, and confused feelings build up inside me. So I ask myself again; out loud so I can hear my thoughts over the thumping of my heart like a train so focused on the tracks that it can't see the dead end quickly approaching: "What would happen if I jumped right now?"
Let's weigh the possibilities!
1- I survive. I fall off the edge and get rushed to the hospital when they eventually find my body. I go into a coma, or I get nursed back to health- go home and get back on my computer. I would miss a few weeks of school if I'm lucky, but I guess that wouldn't matter too much since I'm graduating in a few months.
2- I die.
The word has a sense of finality to it that leaves a sour taste in my mouth. I don't want to die, I realize. How silly of me to think of killing myself without even thinking of the end-goal. Pity me. The young-adult who can't deal with the consequences of their brash decisions. I should've never made it past 17.
I don't want to die, but why shouldn't I? To wait for that game to be released? To sit on my computer for another week of nothing, again and again. To go to college and sit on my computer-- this time without my poor loving parents going out of their way to pull me out of my room to go grocery shopping? This isn't living. I'm dying and now is the time to put that slowly approaching conclusion into my own hands, not for any god or sciencey shit to decide. My hands.
God, I'm so tired. I realize. I don't have the energy for this. The air on this roof is suffocating and I finally realize I've been crying this entire time. I stand up from the ledge and look down. That's not a very long drop... I forgot I'm scared of heights...
"So, what if I do die?" What happens after that? Maybe I'll go to heaven-- or hell. Maybe it's all just a black nothingness. Maybe if I'm lucky I'll be reincarnated into a model, or some popular person with tons of friends and the body of my dreams. I laugh, but no smile reaches my eyes. I close my e/c eyes and take steady breathes. In through the nose, out through the mouth; just like those meditation videos I used to watch to help me sleep. They never made me fall asleep but the deep voice of the speaker was quite soothing, I remember.
My mind wanders again to what happens when I die. Maybe when I die I can be reincarnated into one of those games I wasted my short life playing. Like one of those dating sims that made me feel attractive for the quickest moments. My first thought was Andromeda 6- no, that's too risky. As exciting and sexy as it would be, I'm not very capable of defending myself and I'm not in the mood to die as soon as I'm reborn. Maybe Seduce Me? I giggle escapes me. No, that would be quite interesting, but still too dangerous and I don't want to sleep my new life away.
I look at the city streets before me. Empty. The sun is nearly set and hides from me behind the building across from mine. It's Tuesday night, 7pm. Everyone is at home eating dinner, washing dishes, watching movies, and I'm committing suicide.
I walk away from the rooftop's ledge. Shaking the jitters and doubts from my hands. 4 Paces. I'm facing the door-- the rooftop's exit. "I'll walk backwards 5 steps. If I fall, I fall. If I'm still on the roof I'll ask my parents for therapy and go to sleep."
1 step backwards. My heartrate spikes and I close my eyes. Taking in deep breathes and wiping my eyes quickly.
2 Steps backwards.
3 Steps backwards. Doubt creeps into my chest. It hurts. Regret for an action I haven't yet taken eats away at my legs, making it hard to take my next step back. I hesitate.
4 steps backwards. Oh god. I feel it My feet are at the edge. One more step and I will fall. Stop hesitating, y/n. Stop thinking and just do it!
5 steps backwards. I fell. I'm falling- I don't have enough time to even think before I'm on the ground- Writhing in agony.
My breath knocked out of me and my chest being stabbed with thousands of pins and needles, more and more until I cant even feel a thing. I go numb all over and the moon taunts me from the corner of my vision. I want to rip it to shreds with my teeth, but I can't even focus on sending the moon death threats as my eyes go foggy with tears and I choke on my sobs and the metallic taste in my mouth. I try to forget where I am, pretend I didn't take 5 steps back.
I shouldn't have taken 5 steps. Why did I take 5 steps? I should've stopped at 4. I close my eyes.
Then I die.
YOU ARE READING
Sunset Bird Ruined My Death
FanfictionAfter years of y/n l/n sitting on their computer they wonder "Why am I still alive?". After deciding to jump off the edge of their 4 story apartment building, in death y/n finds themselves in a train station. The train is a one-way to Sunset Bird...
