Super Glitches 5: The Soldier's Vow

Marching Orders

"What I meant," Shaade said as we walked, "was that you look like him in that Torchwood scene."

"Which one? There are four seasons, y'know."

"Seasons? Since when did you get American?" Shaade teased. I raised my eyebrows and stopped walking.

"I'm from America originally," I said. Shaade also stopped walking but in shock, not stubbornness.

"Are you?" he said in surprise, turning to me, black eyes wide. I nodded.

"I lived there from birth - that is, Illinois - until I was four years old so as a child I spoke with a strong Western accent. I moved over to England when I was five after living in Germany for a year. My accent was quite a shock and a curiosity for everyone I met and as a consequence I was bullied and forced to adapt my voice so that I sounded English."

"Wow," Shaade said, blinking a few times and then resuming his walk, linking arms from me. "Can you talk your American voice for me? Please?"

"No. You never said which Torchwood scene, by the way."

"Oh, yes. I was referring to the 'contraceptives in the rain' bit. And now you told me that you're actually American and I notice your rather fetching outfit-" He paused and looked me up and down, an approving smirk on his face "-you really are channelling the spirit of John Barrowman today, my dear boy." Shaade wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me to his side. My coat had absorbed all the water and a large damp patch started to spread across his freshly-dried T-Shirt and jacket.

"Hmm. Well, I should probably get back to training." I sighed deeply and tried to untangle myself from Shaade's grip. He refused to let me go, a large smile growing on his face. The more I struggled the bigger his grin grew until his face seemed to split in half.

"Oh won't you stay with me," he sang, "'cause you're all I need..."

"Shut up!" I giggled, finally breaking free and darting away. My coat billowed up and then snagged my legs, the damp material creating a heavy, inescapable curtain. I tumbled to the floor, leaves messing up my hair and mud sprinkling across my nose like Georgina's freckles.

Shaade knelt beside me, laughing that peculiar, high-pitched laugh of his. "I'll only help you up if you promise to use your American accent from now on."

"Alright," I said reluctantly. "Help me up."

"Ah ah ah, you have to start now," Shaade said, wagging his finger at me. I sighed and repeated but with a fuller, higher, camper sounding voice. Shaade burst out laughing and pulled me up, almost carrying me. I shrugged him off and marched away, grumbling.

A wheezing, giggly sound slowly caught up with me. Shaade put a hand on my shoulder, still doubled over, eyes full of joyous tears.

"Oh Lord," he said at last, wiping his eyes and stretching his back. "That just made my day."

"Shut up."

"Eheheh! My oh my, you, Josh, are fantastic." By that point the assault course was in sight and Emmi and another instructor were calling for me and Shaade to return to our stations. Shaade ignored them, turning his back on the entire army. He sighed deeply and gave a final laugh.

"Remember," he said, trying to be stern but with a smile twitching at the corner of his mouth, "you must talk in your Illinois accent and explain to everyone who asks the story and you can't blame it on me. Understood that?"

"Yes sir," I grumbled, giving a mock salute, brushing stray hairs off my forehead. Shaade smiled and gave me a quick kiss before sprinting off, diving headfirst into some sort of mudbath.

A mild electric shock jolted me back to reality. I looked down and saw Emmi's yellow rabbit sat on my one foot, staring at me.

"Pik-aaaaaaa!" it wailed, bouncing back to its trainer. I watched it go, following it at a distance. 

"Josh, go and have some lunch and get a change of clothes," Emmi said, regarding my 'drowned rat' style with a look of alarm. 

"The canteen won't be open," I said. Emmi raised an eyebrow at my 'new' accent but said nothing on the subject.

"There's a stand outside," she said. "It sells packets of fries and stuff in packets that say 'Reggae Reggae Chicken Wrap - Put Some Music In Your Food'."

"Huh?"

"It's from a TV show, don't question it. Look, just go." She waved me off and I retreated, wringing out my coat as I went. 

Reaching the courtyard where the supposed stall was I flung my coat over a nearby bench that was lit up in sunlight. I unhooked my suspenders and let them hang around my waist, a leather belt keeping my dark trousers up. Glancing at my reflection in a nearby window I realised that Shaade was right - somehow I had become Captain Jack Harkness simply by wearing what was put in the wardrobe in my new bedroom.

As I looked at myself and compared my physique to that of a fictional character it started to rain. I tilted my head back and grinned.

"Contraceptives in the rain," I quoted. "I love this planet."