No beginning no end.

Her

And that's when I noticed, I had to sit there and let them use me, what could I do? What I wanted to do was yell and run away, But there was nothing I could do. I sat there lying on the table while they walked out and slammed the door on me. Is this any way to treat someone you love? I cried and cried, tears filled my eyes, everything got blurry. I look out of my apartment window and the lights are blurred from tears, even though I'm sad, scared, uncomfortable and these heavy tears that fall from my eyes that are weighing me down. Even though all that is happening, I could still look outside and see something so beautiful, through all this pain i see beauty in front of me. I get up from the table, I know what I've done is wrong. But they did it first. What was I supposed to do? Not defend myself. Everything is so unnecessary , I walk to my kitchen and grab some water. Tears make it hard to see and all of a sudden a sound of shattering glass rings to my ears. I start crying even harder, I start wobbling toward the door and open it. Now  I'm running down my long apartment hallway hoping to find the person I love, the person that I still love even though they've left me to bleed and cry and feel the misery I feel, how could I ever leave.

As I'm running I think of what I used to think about people who would go back to their horrible abusive, yelling, screaming, depressing relationships. But now I know, once you love someone even though they did all that to you, even though they hurt you so bad. You can never let go, because that feeling when you are in their arms , their warm comforting arms, all the things, all the horrible horrible things they did to you just disappear. They dissolve into the rest of the memories you have in the back of your brain. Never to be thought of again. That's what I feel when I see them standing across  from me. Their back is faced towards me, I hear them tying to speak and cry simultaneously.

"I'm sorry I'm so, so, sorry, please forgive me for what I've done. Oh please do you forgive me?"  They pled on and on. "I'm horrible I'm disgusting for what I've done to you a gorgeous, delightful, joyful, soul like yours. How could I have been so cruel?.." they continue on and on. I sat there listening to their pleading sentences. But the thing is, why is their back still faced to me. What expression are they hiding under all this "sorrow" and "empathy" they feel for me? Never trust someone who doesn't revel themselves to you. Because you never know what face they are making whilst saying those lies to you, their back against you making them trust you. Manipulate you.

I  start walking towards them. They turn around but it appears as I was wrong.I never trust anybody, the past has ruined the word "trust" for me. But this time, they turn around, their face bright red, their eyes barely open from all the tears. They are sad. They feel for me.

I continued walking towards them, Their arms reach open towards me. "Collapse into me. Fall into me, and only fall into me, only fall for me. Trust me, please. Fall into my arms and trust me as I would for you. I will always catch you when you are about to fall and bring you back up."

I stare hard. harder than I've ever stared at someone's face before. I study  their face, their expression. "Sometimes you didn't catch me, sometimes you left me to fall. Why?" That's my reply, that's all I can force out of my mouth. "You hurt me. Like you did a month ago, you hurt me. Why do you hurt me and then come back to me trying to recover me from your cause?" I stare at them, and they stare at me.

Their eyes were a deep dark solid brown. Kind of like an dark dark oak tree. Their hair that falls in-front of their face, the strands of hair that fall in front of their face , expressing a stressful and corrupt feeling.

I give in I couldn't do it. I run up into his arms. I accept him back into my life again. He throws his arms around me, claiming me again. I no longer refer to him as a stranger as and unknown stranger labeled, they. I use he now knowing that I accepted him back into my life once more, knowing it will only end up like last time.

I look up at him, his eyes full of tears. "You see , you collapse into me and I caught you. Just as promised." I regret it already, I flow with him. He drags me along with him, but I never pull back or refuse to do something he doesn't want to do. I just flow.  Allowing him to take control over this flow.

And that's when I start to cry. Cry and cry it's never ending they flow out of my eyes. He pulls my face towards him, his face comes closer to mine. His lips touch my lips. He roams his mouth over mine. Again, he takes control over me, he flows with me, and i flow with him. We both connect with each other.

He releases his mouth from mine, looking down at me with a smile, he was smiling but his eyes only said "pain" to me. His smile looked fake with all the sorrow in his eyes. For the first time he's sincere about his empathy towards me. He really does feel for me this time, instead of leaving me like he always does. "What changed you?" I asked him this, but I could hear the hesitation in my voice, I know he could hear it as well.

"Everything." He replies.

"The way you came back for me, I finally felt your feelings towards me, how much I really do mean to you. What changed me was when you decided to for once chase after me.I wanted to see if you would ever come back for me even if I just left you on the spot."

"Would you keep believing in me, like I believed in you?"

I stand looking at him, processing this response.

"So when you ran away from  me every time,  you were playing with me. Testing me. Toying with me? Teasing me? What was your motive?"

"I wanted to see you come chase for me, I loved when I felt your presence behind me. It felt so good knowing you finally came and chased me. I want you to miss me, so that you will always come back to me, And love me even harder."

When he says this I freeze up. I am blushing in the middle of our apartment hallway. Luckily no one has come out of their apartments yet that's probably because it's 11 at night.

"Do you want to come back to my place now?"

Yes of course I do. I want to come back so bad. I want to feel him again. I want to feel him on top of my body, Putting pressure on me. Making me feel secured and safe.

I want to lie and say "no I don't wanna go with you." But I can't resist him. I want him. In fact, I crave him. And so I say "yes, im tired and want to sleep now."

After saying this I feel the immediate regret. All this man does is pump my heart full of hope, but then I'm left hopeless. And I'm left hopeless by the person who pumped me up with the hope.

He walks me to his apartment. He closes the door behind him. Now I start to feel nervous. I know what's coming next, he pins me against the door. Gripping my shoulder tight. Squeezing them even. "You know I love you so much, you know that.. Don't you?"

I stare at him blankly, I don't know what to say he just comes at me with this out of no where?

He breaks my thought by the feeling of his lips pressed onto mine. With his hands up the back of my shirt his fingers crawl over me, his hands roam over me. He pulls away from me with his one hand on my waist, and the other one of my face. Cupping my cheek.

He breaths against me. "You know how much you ruin me, do you?"  He says this like he thinks he doesn't ruin me the same way I ruin him. We both ruin each other. And we both affect each other in all the wrong ways.

His hand that was on my waist is now tracing the rim of my bra. I sit there, my eyes close. I don't know what to do. He slowly moves his hands around me now hes un clipping my bra. His other hand that was cupping my cheek pulls my bra off my shoulders. Now all I have on is a shirt.

He pulls away for a moment taking his shirt off. As much as I don't want this I do.

I just wish I could stop flowing with him.