Hold Me Down

Chapter 15

"Ali," Hanna confesses, crossing the room to sit besides Emily with a heavy sigh.

Emily startles at the mention of Alison's name. "What?"

"I went to see Ali yesterday," Hanna starts and Emily can sense a reluctance in the other girl's tone— as if Hanna doesn't want to even speak Alison's name in Emily's presence.

"And?" Emily implores eagerly. Despite her fear of hearing what Alison might have to say about her, she's hungry for information about the blonde. She needs to know what Alison is thinking, how she's feeling, what she's been doing since that dreadful day in her room—and if anything Alison has said might suggest that she'll eventually be open to speaking to Emily again.

Hanna takes a deep breath and speaks without meeting Emily's eyes. "We talked for a while and she told me not to hate you on her behalf."

"Oh," Emily mouths quietly. That's not at all what she was expecting but somehow Alison always manages to surprise her.

"If she doesn't hate you, then maybe I shouldn't either," Hanna continues with a half-hearted shrug, although she doesn't sound too sure.

"What does that mean?" Emily asks, her forehead creasing and her mouth drawing closed as she tries to decipher the motive behind Alison's words to Hanna.

"It means I'm still trying to wrap my head around all this," Hanna answer a little impatiently. "Hearing that recording was disturbing," the blonde pauses to shake the frown from her face. "And I don't know if I'll ever be able to get Alison's cries out of my head. Or look at you the same way again and not picture you doing that to her," Hanna adds with a shudder and Emily feels queasy at the description. "Knowing what you did—hearing it—it's a lot to process." Hanna pauses again to take a breath and look at Emily before continuing, "But you're still one of my best friends and I'd like to think we're not the worst thing we've ever done."

Emily offers a watery smile in Hanna's direction as she starts to feel a little hopeful—like maybe she hasn't lost her friends for good.

"That doesn't mean I'm don't hate what you did though," Hanna adds firmly.

Emily nods, feeling the tears slip down her cheeks. Spencer had expressed a similar sentiment to her when she had first found out and Emily doesn't fault either girl for feeling that way.

"I know. I hate it too," she agrees.

She hears a sniffle and the release of a shaky breath and glances up just in time to see Hanna swiping at her own tears. Emily quickly looks away—feeling useless at her inability to offer her friend the comfort she needs or face the damage she's caused.

"So have you heard from Charles again?" Hanna asks after a beat, seemingly trying to change the subject and ease the tension in the room. Emily doesn't fail to notice that A is now considered a light topic of conversation in comparison to herself.

"No," Emily grounds out, her jaw tightening at the mention of their tormentor.

"That's good."

"Is it?" Emily asks, her voice rising as she gets herself worked up thinking about the shadowy figure who continues to make their lives hell. "He's probably just laying low while he plots out the next phase of his plan to ruin my life. I still can't believe I did exactly what he asked and he punished me anyway!"

Hanna arches an eyebrow at the brunette's little outburst. "When has A ever played fair, Em?"

"This isn't a game, Hanna! This is my life!" Emily rants. She knows she's the one who hurt Alison, but A exploited their privacy and humiliated the blonde in front of all their friends. A did this to her. To Alison.