Dark Side Of The Morning

The Farewell

The flames of pyre rose high into the night. A sharp contrast to the scattered dark all around. Air thick with ashes and heat that could melt coldest of hearts. But not hers. Sia reminded herself- she did not have one. The priest's voice rang through the silence of the night. The crackling of wood in the background almost felt like a silent final lullaby. He won't come back. He's gone now. The patterns in the burning fire played with her mind. All the times her old man had been there for here, she couldn't bear letting her emotions take over her. Sia never knew her mother. She was always told she had passed away when she was just a tiny baby. Also that she had grown into a spitting image of her. It was always just her father. He was the last shred of humanity that held her to earth. The desperate attempt of God to bring back whatever was left within her. He too had given up it seemed. On his death bed her father's words failed him. But his eyes spok e eloquently. They searched hers frantically for what she knew he could never find- happiness. It had bugged him all his life, no matter how hard he tried, how hard he worked, with all the money in the world he could not see what he wanted to see the most- a smile on her face. Even in his death the bloody tears refused to drop. As much as she tried to will them into being her feelings it seemed had- the last of it at least- had died with him.
Sia drew a straggered breath. It was difficult. There was a sharp pain everytime she tried to breathe in. So she stood there practicing breathing in steps. 1-2-3-2-1 the counting made it better. Numbers made everything so much better anyway. The were cold calculated measured and had no interpretations but just what they said they were unlike words that her father loved so much. As a child she would sit beside her father as he worked on his enormous elaborately carved sagwan desk just writing away. it fascinated her the most- him busy working on things she did not understand then- lots of numbers. He would then stop writing to look at her. He'd draw a children's story book with cartoons painted on its corners and words- She'd hate it. So she'd slip away from under his arm slowly hoping he wouldn't notice without a word. And he'd pull her back wrap her in warm blankets and put her to bed. The burning smell of wood now surrounding her just felt symbolic, almost poetic.
"Sia", she turned to look at the voice who called her. Appa, one of her's father's closest companion. An old man with years of experience as doctor. He had given his best to save her father. Kind eyes, balding white hairline and a rather tired face. He looked like he had aged several years overnight. Past month had been tough on him. He had lost his closest confidant and most trusted friend. If anyone shared my father's worries with almost equivalent ferventness it would be him. He had no one else to call family too. The two of them shared a long history and business interests. They had helped and seen each other grow over decades. "Its time, the car is waiting" he said with an almost apologetic voice. She could feel several eyes on her. She wondered if they were waiting for her to break down. Show some kind of weakness, let out a sob, something! Anything! But she just couldn't feel her insides yet. The congregation had already started slimming, most slipping away after murmuring soothing condolences at her. She willed herself to nod at everyone, never meeting their eyes. Even if it meant she didn't quite comprehend the meaning. She drew a deep breath and turned towards the remaining audiences and gave a shaky nod. Finally allowing appa to steer her away from the mortal remains of her father. They'd be back again to fetch the ashes. Her father wanted the ashes to be scattered in ganga. The ghat of banaras was lit with several families gathered for last rites of beloved. Nameless faceless people somehow connected with each other through pain and angst. While the river washed away the tears silently. She turned one last time to watch the reflection of burning pyre alongside the moon in vast patra of ganga as she bid the final farewell to the man who meant the world to her.

It had been a month since she returned from varanasi, it hadn't been difficult month. Sia had been drowning herself in work. She rarely returned home so that there was no question of emptiness of the house engulfing her. She stayed away at several properties owned by her company. They were a legacy hotelier family. The business had been started by her grandfather. But wasn't until she was born that her father was able to make it grow. The wealth amassed over the course of last two decades and a half ensured they stood at the top of the industry. He was a self made man, her father. Sia stood watching over the large glass window of her property in manali. Completely and totally ignoring the buzzing of her phone on the glass top table. The room was dimly lit with an off white carpet. The air was misty and cold. She sipped on her chai and opened the file sitting nearest to her trying to read through the transactions. The phone buzzed again but it wasn't appa, she smiled it was about time he gave up. He knew just how adamant she could be. Instead it was adv Desai. Sia knew this was an escalation. Adv Desai was the man who had handled the legal transactions of her father for a long while. She knew couldn't ignore them anymore. She sighed lightly and put him on speaker. "Book the flights for tomorrow" the man almost half screamed at her across the line. "Namaskar uncle, no greetings today?" She tried to keep the mischief out of her voice and failed as a tiny laugh escaped her. "Thats it! You are coming home tomorrow and I am sending you tickets over email and it is not open for discussion!" He barely concealed the haste in his voice as if speaking fast somehow translated to a successful conversation. "Kaka you know I have a pack schedule" she tried to reason with him already knowing it won't work anymore. There was a prolonged pause where she could imagine him trying to calm himself down, "We are reading your father's will Sia" . Now that was unexpected. "We tried to put it off to try and fetch you some time but we cannot anymore" the tone was dry and stony. "I would rather you didn't make me impress upon you the gravity of situation over a call, you will take the flight from Chandigarh tomorrow. And I will see you for dinner" he took another pause and tried to put it as gently as he could almost pleading now. "Mani is worried about you. she's been trying to let Appa reach out so as to not boggle you but she'd storm wherever you are if she doesn't see you soon. Do you hear me?" She felt like a small kid being reprimanded, it wasn't a very nice feeling. She lightly closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose trying to relieve the headache and said, "I understand, I'll be there"
She slammed the phone on table and closed the file. She was beyond processing any more information for the day. She fell back on the boss chair and gulped the rest of her cup in a shot. Its not like she needed her father's inheritance to make it on her own. She had already built enough of her own. But the pain she knew she had caused him in his last days did make her wonder if he'd write her out. She was seventeen when she started her own venture. Her father had invested, giving her an initial boost but she had managed to double it and buy him out within two years. At a very young age she had managed to make a name for herself in the industry. Her father had already given her all she really needed- profile, experience and work ethics. Bharat group wasn't just inheritance for her. It was the very reason to exist. All her life she had watched him work hard for it and she just wouldn't trust anyone else with it. She wasn't deaf to all the gossips in the market about her being the only child. It was horrible enough that people somehow thought being a woman handicapped her capabilities. She was even without the label of being his daughter the most promising candidate for the profile. Her old man could be ruthless and adamant though. She knew very well she got it from him. He had tried very hard but in vain to get her to meet prospective grooms. She knew it wasn't really about the company just about her lack of personal life and her efforts thereof. Towards the end of his days he had morphed into a father more than the business man that he was. Age had mellowed him down. He spent his life all alone drowning in work but he had his daughter to live for. When the reports of his cancer reached him it killed him to imagine her living on her own. That's when it started really a string of matchmaking attempts. He'd have given anything he had to just see her find her happily married after. On his death bed the eagerness had turned into angst and later desperation. She had watched him quietly wither away. That is all he could really think about. Sia couldn't look at him without feeling almost guilty about it. Almost.
It was beyond her to change the horrors of her past. She loathed men. It was unreasonable hatred and she knew it, despite her several attempts to talk him out of it her father blamed himself. Guilt, Love and determination are a rather deadly combination, Sia thought. How far would a dying man go? Was the last thought before she fell into an uneasy sleep.

Sia hoped next day would be a blur but it wasn't. The drive through serene mountains was anything but calming as it should have been. She was painfully aware as each moment dragged on an on. It was mid day when she finally reached the airport. She grabbed an aloo paratha on the go. She found a seat in the rather packed lobby after her luggage was checked in. She left a seat empty between her and the family with small kid. This was the best way to avoid unnecessary human interaction. She quickly started nibbling on her paratha. People tended to leave you alone if you were eating- introvert hacks 101. But her relief was short lived as it just took half a minute before a bespectacled man in a large blue jacket grabbed the seat next to her. She focused on her lunch as the kid started wailing. His mother was flustered, apologising in their direction as she calmed him down. The man beside her reached into his bag and pulled out a book and started reading. The kid saw the picture on it stopped crying. Watching the book curiously he leaned over his mother's shoulder. The book owner then started talking to the kid narrating the story animatedly. He spent rest of the hour reading to the kid nestled on his lap.
The flight was about to take off when the man with the book approached the seat next to her. He settled down quietly resuming the book he was carrying. "Is that a science fiction?" Sia asked lightly. "What?" Said the boy peaking behind his thick rimmed spectacles and large bangs that almost covered his entire forehead. "I saw you were reading to the kid." She said. He looked at her first time clearly seeing her "It is" he continued. "Its about a lost advanced civilisation, kids usually love those kind of stories" Sia smiled at him and looked out the window as the flight soared above the clouds, she dozed of before she could realise herself. When she left the flight at destination she saw his head disappear between the swarm of people. She found car waiting for her in parking. There was a rush of thoughts and worries that drove the boy with book out of her mind.