A Brutal Bliss Beyond this Empty Defeat (Markiplier X Reader)

Chapter One

CW: Depictions of mental illness

The room was cold.
The thick frost on the glass outside my window cast away any possible light coming from my backyard, and the heater was humming softly in the corner beside my closet. I glanced over at my small alarm clock and saw that it was only a quarter past 8. While I didn't want to leave my warm sheets, I knew it would be better for me. Climbing out of bed felt like pulling weights that have never been distubed off of shelves. My head felt foggy; my mouth was sour and dry. I headed to the bathroom in utter silence, my socks grazing the tile.
I looked up at myself in the mirror.
I could feel the grease in my hair and the invisible weight on my shoulders. I could see the dried eyeliner smeared against my red and puffy eyelids. I felt the built-up deodorant marks on the same black long-sleeved shirt I had been wearing for the past four days. I picked up my toothbrush, but couldn't bring myself to put it to my lips. Everything felt so far away. I slammed my hand against the counter as tears filled my eyes. I turned around in frustration but was faced with the pile of dishes I had been accumulating near my bedside.
I knew I wanted to get better, but the thought of leaving the mental state I had grown so accustomed to terrified me.
While it took great strength, I started small. I managed to take a warm shower and put on a clean white button-down. I threw on a thick brown coat and wrote down a list for the store.
Pistachios
Popcorn
Milk
Eggs
Crackers
Meds
The list was simple enough, but would hold me over until I had to return.
I left my house and felt the small flakes of snow kiss my face. Winter tends to come quickly where I live, but this year it felt like there was no room to breathe between seasons. My car was beaten up and on its last limb, but I was confident enough that it would get me to my destination and back. The drive was quiet. Through the window I could see children playing games as the adults engaged in small talk. It had felt like forever since I last went out into the public. The more I thought about it, the less and less I seemed to remember. It was upsetting me. I wanted to remember. When did I last-
The sounds from cars behind me filled the air as I realized I had been holding up traffic. I shook my head and tried to simply focus on driving rather than let my thoughts consume me. By the time I had made it to the store, it was nearly 10. I dashed inside, hoping to not be seen by too many people around me. After getting my few groceries, I was headed to the checkout. I stood in line and observed the people around me. In front of me stood an elderly woman, to the right was a young kid, maybe around 16, and behind me was a man about my age. Something about the man behind me was intriguing. He stood with such presence and confidence. I think that made me value him slightly more.
The woman in front of me was taking a lifetime to reach for her card, and I could feel it irritating me. I almost felt guilty. I know it isn't her fault, but I wanted to leave the store. I wanted to go home and return to the only life I knew. I wanted to just-
I felt a tap on my shoulder.
I turned my body around and was facing the man behind me.
"Excuse me, I think you dropped something."
I tilted my head downwards and saw my driver's license.
I slightly muttered under my breath, as I grabbed it off the floor.
"Thank you." I whispered.
"Oh, it's nothing. I saw you walk in, so I felt obligated to tell you something. My name is Mark, by the way."
"I'm Y/N." I responded.
I kept my head down to avoid eye contact, but I could feel him looking at me. I eventually gave in and perked my head up. He was smiling at me, so I nodded my head and smiled back. I could see he wanted to say something more, but the words were stuck in his mouth.
"Hell of a freeze out there, huh?"
Whenever he talked, his words rolled out in such a distinguishable way that it was almost impossible to ignore him.
"Yeah, my house was nearly freezing this morning." I followed my response with a short laugh to hopefully ease the tension, for I'm not the best at meeting new people.
"Same here. The cables broke, so I'm going to be out of power for a while. I was actually planning on heading over to grab something to eat after this. Would you like to join me? It'll be on me."
I grasped the license in my hand with a little more strength than I had been doing the past few minutes.
"Oh, I'm really not too sure." I knew I wanted to join him, but something inside me was still nervous.
"No pressure at all,"he said, "I understand we just met."
I fumbled with my words as I glanced at my watch. It was nearly 11:15, and my stomach was beginning to crave sustenance. I hesitated before letting out a short response.
"Sure, I'm willing to make a new friend."
I saw his eyes brighten and facial expression shift to a smile.
"Meet me at the old diner, you know, the one down 45th street."
The old diner. Infamous for its vanilla milkshakes and warm meatloaf. God, I haven't been there in ages. Before I could reminisce about my past encounters with the nostalgic restaurant, it was my turn to have my items rung up. The cashier grabbed my groceries with such aggression that it almost made me feel like I was taking up her time. She finally finished scanning everything and threw my belongings into a thin plastic bag. "$24.56." Her voice sounded croaky, as if she had a decaying frog in her throat. She glanced up at me, and I could see her poorly bleached hair splitting at the ends as well as a tacky red lipstick rubbed on her lips. While it wasn't an appealing sight, I almost felt bad for her. I handed her my money, and she placed the change into the register as if she's done it a million times before. I gave her one last glance before grabbing all my things and heading out the door. I looked back to Mark and gave him a weak grin. I walked to my car and placed all of my belongings into the trunk. I got into the drivers seat and turned on the heater. I was headed to the diner.