abyss | b.e.

II. Commence

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None of it was new. It was never new. The buzz of the kids in the halls, lockers closing way louder than was needed, and countless feet hitting the ground all at different times. None of it was new.

What was new was Junior year.

Nothing could be worse than the previous years. After being bullied all of my life for being fat to being smart, I feel confident that this years going to be better.

I'm on Lexapro, an antidepressant and anti anxiety medication, which means hopefully this year won't be that bad.

I flowed along with my peers, making my way to my first period class already filled with students. I took a seat in the back knowing that we would be given assigned seats sooner or later.

I know everyone at this school. It's a plus and minus.  Being the popular unpopular kid used to be fine but as my mental health decreases, the more I want to slip away and never be seen again.

As the bell rings everyone takes a seat and the man up in front of the board starts reading a syllabus after his introduction as 'Mr Connerty'. Interesting.

"We will have seating charts and those will be who you sit with for the rest of the year" he asserted.

As he gets into the syllabus more, and I'm falling asleep, the door swings open and a girl in some baggy clothes saunters in.

"Oh hello Billie! Why don't you have a seat next to..." he stopped and looked around for an empty seat, and I scooted my body and backpack so they were hiding the empty spot.

But he saw the seat and told 'Billie' to sit next to me. She walked over and aggressively shoved my bag off the seat into my lap sitting down and man spreading in her seat. What a bitch.

We didn't talk at all throughout the rest of the period which was fine by me.

Overthinking was one of the worst things someone could do in highschool, and I had been doing it my whole life. While I don't give a flying fuck about the girl next to me, my stupid brain got in the way and thoughts that she hated me and that I was a bad person swarmed in the beehive that is my mind.

Class ended and I grabbed my belongings and headed to the next period, chemistry honors. I love math, I won't lie and say I always have but I certainly do now. After 7th grade, it all clicked in my mind and made sense. So as long as this chem course has math, I'll be fine.

Chem was fine. We didn't do any math or chem at all today, given the fact that it's the first day. I'm not really friends with anyone in that class so I once again sat alone in the back.

After the 2nd period we have a break and then lunch. During our 'activity period' I went to the library because I didn't know where else to go. I sat in the stacks at the back and listened to music in my headphones. I could have read a book, I like reading, I just needed a break from my brain and the amount of unbelievable things it can think about at once. So I sat back and waited for lunch.

After a good 10 minutes of sitting with my eyes closed, I opened them to check the time on my phone but I didn't get to check because standing at the bookshelf next to me was the girl from my English class. She didn't acknowledge me but I knew she knew I was there and I knew she knew I knew that she was there. After a minute of me staring at the back of her head she walked away and soon after the bell rang for 3rd period or lunch.

As I headed to my  3rd period class, I already started to notice the looks and whispers that were typical behavior for the kids around me. I thought maybe it wouldn't happen at all this year or at least a lot less, but kids are still kids and it was wishful thinking anyway.

3rd period, french, flew right by. My teacher, Mme Angèle, was the sweetest and funniest teacher I had so far and I was genuinely enjoying it. Billie was in that class but we didn't sit close and I don't even have any reason to hate her.

After French was lunch and then study hall. Both were very chill and I just did whatever I wanted because I didn't have homework yet.

The first day was actually not nearly as good or bad as I thought it would have been.

I can only dream of what tomorrow and my second set of classes holds for me.

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A/N

Thanks for reading <3

-I