First love/ late spring

Harry Potterx reader : Despair

{type} y/n and Harry have been dating for a year, but she is confused about her feelings towards harry. though she thinks she loves him and did at one point, she doesn't know if the feelings are still there.
{warnings} none
{song} Despair - leo.

y/n pov

"Hey baby," harry said while coming over to me, I waved back, trying not to show my lack of affection. I know what you would think, the Harry Potter is flirting with you why would you second guess doing the same back?

But, I'm not sure how to act. Not even sure how I can keep my pride intact. Well, I don't know if this is it. But can't you see? No i'm not falling for him. So, please have mercy on me. 'Cause it's not romantic, I swear. I'm not gasping for a-a-air. I want him to be here, But please don't come near. 'Cause even though i'm pretty sure my heads exploding, i'm not ready for hand holding. It's not love I swear, it might be closer to be despair.

I feel horrible. Lately I have been distancing myself from my boyfriend, not because I didn't love him, because I didn't know what I felt. I felt like I needed to be alone just to think, but no matter where I went he was there.

He was a shadow on a sunny day. He was like hair, no matter how many times you cut it off, nothing stopped it from growing back. Every time I was with him my body language and words told him I loved him, that he was an amazing boyfriend and that he was the love of my life. but my mind would constantly say the same words.

Get your heart away from me. You'll pull me into a trance, and even though I think about you day and night i'm not sure if this whole love thing sounds quit right.