Some ugly truths about the world we so desperately want to hide.
This world ain't sunshine and flowers. It is a mean and nasty place. It will beat you down and keep you there if you let it.
All we can do is accept it. - without crumbling.
And you do it. You get through it. Days go by, weeks, months....and nothing changes. You stay strong. You tell yourself it's just for a little while longer, holding on to the thin string of hope that everything will get better. Even though your whole life is falling to pieces right in front of you.
So focused on the future, as the time goes by, we forget who we truly are. We let society blow out the last tiny spark in our soul that defines who we are. Now we are just another machine. Just another corn of sand lost in the sea.
At some point you changed. The happy and optimistic person you were, eager to gain new knowledge, now gone. Instead a shell of your former self greets you every morning.
You don't want to get up anymore, because nothing good can happen today. Right?
You don't want to leave home, because you have nowhere else to go.
So you just lie there crying, overwhelmed by the emotions you feel. You don't know what they mean. Are you sad? Lonely? Do you even have the right to feel that way?
Tears are once again threatening to fall again. No. Stop. You can't break down. You have so much work to do. Who cares if you are sad? Just put on that act you have now kept up for years. "..it will get better.." the voice in your head whispers to yourself
But again. With each passing day you notice that it gets harder and harder for you.
You study - you fail.
Doesn't matter.
New goal.
Next time you put in even more work. You fail.
And as this goes on you become more and more frustrated. Hating yourself for being that way.
You begin to procatinate. I can do this later, doesn't matter anyway. ...And get overwhelmed even more.
Which leads to hatred. Hatred directed towards yourself, school, the world, your life.
Your body is hurting. You can barely stay awake, all you want to do is sleep. Sleep until the pain goes away.
And that's exactly what you do ...but it doesn't help.
Wanna know why? Because this tiredness doesn't have a physical cause. You are emotionally exhausted and can't deal with this anymore. This is your body's way of saying "fuck it, you've had enough. Take a break"
But you can't. And you won't. Still too stubborn. Still ignoring all symptoms you dive deeper and deeper in this endless circle of self loathing and unbearable exhaustion. You can't focus.
But weren't you good at what you're doing once?
What happened?
Yes....What happened indeed..
