The CleanUp Man (A TayNew FF)

Chap. 1 Sunrise And A Mess.

So this very morning, I woke up on a wet spot, to the sound of nerve-wracking snores, with hazy thoughts stumbling through a banging headache, and a limp dick in my ass.

As I became increasingly acquainted with the sights, sounds, and (ick) smells of my present predicament, a feeling of nausea started to overtake me.  I slid off of flaccidity with the grace of falling slops and quickly eased off the bed, managing to take two steps towards the bathroom before pain registered and my body completely accordion folded to the ground.

The added agony of my body hitting the wood floor, missing a giant area rug by mere centimeters, increased the nausea, and I could only lay helplessly as river of vomit spurted involuntarily from my mouth.

Shi-ah-it!

The door of the room opened and through the space under the bed, I saw a pair of feet rush then suddenly stop, tsk and slowly walk out of my view as the person walked around to the side of the bed where I was. 

Sprawled naked on the floor, rumpled hair, chin dipped in stagnant puddle of cold throw up, I only had enough energy to wallow in embarrassment.  Salvation was a pair of last night tossed boxers, (possibly... mine?) spied only a few inches away but it might as well be on top of everest for in terms of ability for my aching body to snatch them and drag them on.

The pair of feet walked closer and finally stood in front of me, and I didn't even bother to raise my head, I only closed eyes and groaned praying for death right now or at the very least a six month coma.

Hands down this definitely is NOT my proudest moment.

"Nice to know you're still alive."  I heard a voice saying, as the person stooped down into view. 

"Sheesh!  Whaaaat a fucking mess!"

Yup. Just kill me right fucking now! Right FUCKING NOW!

I'm inwardly crying as I felt something soft and airy flutter and fall over me.  I squinted through bloodshot eyes and saw the blurry image of dark hair falling over a hand partially obscuring a face. 

"I'm not gonna look.  Let me at least help you to the bathroom so you can clean up.  I promise I won't look.

See!  I'm not looking!"

Easy to say when he already saw me naked.

I weakly shook my head still mortified by the situation as I gingerly felt around to see what was on me, it felt like a sheet.

"I know it hurts a little but still...  Let's get you cleaned up, while this blackout idiot continues to noise pollute the entire block."

He tucked the sheet under me and rolled me a little to make it easier to pick me up, then started tugging me to a standing position.  Every single solitary ache and pain was amplified the higher my crumpled body rose, more so in the depths of my spine and literally pain in my ass.

"Coooooooome oooon..."

"Okay... okay I'm... Shiiiiiiiiit!"  The moment I was fully on my feet, the headache, backache and ass ache kicked in full force.  "That fuuuuuuucking hurts!" 

I teetered a bit, my head still a little foggy as he maneuvered me around the mess on the floor and ushered me into the bathroom.  He turned on the water then told me to wait a bit. 

He was back in seconds with a toothbrush, loofah, a towel and clean clothes, a bottle water and some painkillers. "There's plenty of toothpaste, shampoo, soap... shower gel... take your pick."

I mumbled a thanks as he closed the door. 

I spent a lot of time in the shower inhaling steam and wincing through the events of past twelve hours, reveling in the sensation of the liquid heat along aching body parts. 

I'm no virgin, but last night I think I may have over done a few things.  Starting with the drinking. 

Especially the drinking!

Ugh! I think I'm going stone cold nonalcoholic after this.

I stepped out of the bathroom clean and citrus vanilla lavender scented from head to toe, to the musical ambiance of snores that seemed louder than before my shower, and a room smelling and looking noticeably cleaner than I had left it.  I rubbed my face in frustration even more embarrassed that someone else had clean up my mess. 

I slunk around the room, avoiding looks towards the figure on the bed, trying to find my things; car keys, wallet, discarded clothes, a semblance of dignity... (I hope that's everything) then slipped out of the room trying to find the exit. 

"Oh thank God!"  I exclaimed slinking as fast as I could towards what looked like the front door.

"I made breakfast if you want a bite."  I nearly jumped out of my skin, when the guy from earlier called out from the kitchen.

"Uh... Thanks, but no thanks." I fumbled with the stuff in my hands to avoid looking at him.  "I need to just go."

"That's a hall closet..." He stated nonchalantly from his pose against a counter and I stilled.

"What...?"

"The door you're about to open is a hall closet."

"Oh..." Must it be embarrassing just to leave this already horrendous situation?

"So the front door is...?"

He put down the cup he was sipping from pointed to a door on the other side of the kitchen.  "There."

"Ah... Thanks!" I was feeling a little apologetic.  "I'm sorry about...  In there... The mess..."

"No problem.  Nothing new..."

"Do... Do I have to return these...?" I tugged at the shirt I was wearing.

There was a twinkle in a pair of the most remarkable, steamy dark coffee colored irises I'd ever seen as he smirked. "Nope. They are his clothes and he's not the type to... you know... meet a person more than once..."

I wasn't bothered by that statement since I don't want to see that guy or even this one again either.  Even though he seems familiar I don't even remember his name.

"Although...

I'm surprised he's still knocked out, that's a first. You must have really-"

"Looky here..."  My entire head heated up like it was housing a volcano.  "Weeeee're going to pretend this never happened, you never saw me, and if you see me again it's the first time!"

"Not quite."

"What do you mean not quite!" My embarrassment was starting to turn into worry.  "You and your fucking... jackhammer buddy aren't gonna try anything funny like using pics or vids to blackmail-"

"WE have classes together... New."  Now he looked irritated.  "I... was only pointing out that it wouldn't be the first time because we have class together."

I closed my eyes feeling more embarrassed and took a deep breath.

"Ah..." And... this just keeps getting worse... Now to top it all off I inadvertently just became a huge ass.

"Sorry I... Thank you for..." I heaved a sigh.  "Know what..?  I'm just... gonna leave."  I fumbled valiantly with the door knob before mercifully it opened. 

"Have a nice..." Wordlessly he waved me off with a salute and a flat smile.

"Right.."  I ducked out the door into the sweet freedom and relief of morning air and the warmth of sunshine.

Alright... Now... where the fuck... did I park the car...?
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