A Night To Remember : SunKi

Chapter Fifteen: Story Of My First Love

"I will once I couldn't anymore, so don't worry about me until then. You don't have to suffer with me, Jungwon. It sure hurts, but It's not always going to be like this." I assured him, then smiled as I ruffled his hair.

He wiped his tears and nodded, "I'll welcome you anytime then. I love you, Sun." he told me as he made a sad face.

I laughed and nodded, "I know you will. I love you too, so stop crying already. It hurts me to see you worried and crying for me." I added... "Moreover, you look ugly too," I teased him, causing him to chuckle and roll his eyes at me.

"You're uglier, duh!" he said, teasing me back softly, "So you are in the moving-on process, huh?" he asked a bit sassy, trying to make the mood light for us.

"I am! when we started this, that was the plan anyway."- I told him. "Like you guys said... at least there were no what ifs, regrets, and whatnots, I can finally move on without holding back," I added, trying to sound my usual self.

He didn't say anything and just nodded.

I decided to do that; there's no other choice and way anyway.

The break time arrived fast after four subjects. Nothing really happened but discussions, activities, and such.

"Everyone seems like already have something to wear at the prom, but I'm still looking for mine, How about you?" Won asked me; I nodded at him, "I went to Aunt Celli's shop a few weeks ago." I replied as a matter of fact.

"It hard to find something that will fit at the theme, Mom inquired in some high end brands too but there's nothing." He said now a little problematic,

"Try Aunt Celli's, As far as I know he released another set collection last week." I told him, He has their own designer, but perhaps he didn't like anything, so he still looking for one; moreover, it's too late to create one as it is just a few weeks from now.

Since a while ago, people have been talking about how excited they are about the prom. They were talking about their gowns and what brand, color, and style it is, how it compliments their masks, their expectations of the venue how grand and royal the setup is.

I actually don't have the mask yet, but Aunt Celli is now working on it, and she'll have it delivered this week, so I don't really have something to worry about now.

The venue will be The Castle Hotel (Castle on the Rhine), so surely it's extravagant. This event is the pride of the school where there will be press present, so no wonder.

"I'll tell Jay to go after class; want to join us?" he invited but I just chuckled and shook my head, "No thanks, I don't want to be a third-wheel." I jokingly replied, making us both laugh.

"Let's buy some snacks first. I'm hungry." He told me. I just nodded and walked with him.

We were now in the corridor; I nudged him when he stared back at the people staring at me and glanced or rolled his eyes at them. He actually looks funny,

We were now walking down the stairs when I saw who was coming in our direction. It was Riki, Won's hand on my arms tightened, but I just smiled at him, assuring him.

This school isn't that big and bumping like this is invetiable. And even I wanted to go back and hide from him I will never do that again, Just like now.

Because nothing will happen if I just keep running away, I won't be able to move like before if I won't force myself to move forward.

If I really wanna move on from this one-sided love, I must face it, no matter how hurtful, heartbreaking and hard it is.

I must till I feel nothing and end it.

I forcibly calm myself down, His effects on me didn't change, but I was now able to ignored it. I let out a deep breath secretly and continued walking. Our eyes met halfway but I averted mine,

It was brief, but I saw hundreds of emotions in them, like these past few days, every time our paths crossed somewhere inside this school.

Unlike before, he didn't dare to approach me, he didn't talk to me nor go close to me, all connection between us was cut off, we treated each other like passerby, not even acquaintance but a total stranger with civility.

I guess he also realized that he doesn't like me. He was able to figured it out all by now.

When my eyes landed on him, he was already looking at me, I just gave him a small smiled I could flash.

This was the first time I did. I smiled at him casually, telling him that it was okay. I am okay now even it hurts. I was and continue to be one and better each day.

We slowly passed each other, and my smiles slowly faded when he passed by me, eyes became close to tears, but I didn't let it fall and bit my lips harder.

I thought I was doing fine... I thought I was doing better than the past but why there's tears that want to rush down and familiar pain twirling inside me?

I told one that I had somewhere to go and ran straight to the same garden. I started to hate this place as all I did here was cry.

Tears that I've tried to suppress surged down as soon as I sat down. Why I am crying again, I didn't for weeks, so why I am crying again.

"Sun..." I immediately wiped the tears when I heard that familiar voice. I looked at the one who called me and saw Won, my best friend looking at me worriedly.

I bit my lips and did all my best not to cry and break down in front of him when it was so obvious I cried.

He walked towards me and stared straight into my eyes, Tears escaped, but I immediately wiped it away, not wanting him to see.

"It's fine... You can cry, Sun. You've been strong enough." he said softly as he caressed the back of my hand. Tears fell on his eyes.

Because of what he said, I lost control completely of my emotions. My expression crumbled more as I cried hard and broke down. I covered my lips not to let loud sobs and whimper be heard.

It's really hurt, It's really hurt big time, I told myself it was my last chance, It was okay because it is my last chance, that I should be happy because I was able to say it. I gave myself a chance, But why does it seem not enough? Why there are still tears threading my cheeks? Why did it seem like I was being punished?

I-I'm not okay, I-'m t-trying to be o-one, B-but I-I'm not ok-okay, It hurts, It's hard I-I'm so sorry."I confessed as my voice cracked, even forcing every word to be whole.

He slowly hugged me as he soft tapped my back, comforting me. He waited for me to soothe down before looking at me, cupping both cheeks with his palm. He smiled bitterly as he wiped my tears for me.

"It's fine... You can be not okay, When it hurt so much you can cry, when it's tiring you can rest, When you can take it anymore, you can stop and give up." He told me while tears escaped his eyes.

I continued to cry in his arms. I poured all the emotions of pain, confusion, blues, and more.

At this point of my life, I realized I really needed to give up for real, that I was doing the right thing confronting this even I kept ending up this way. That I need to be contented that I already did everything and tried.

Because of the pain, I was able to wake up to my own reality. I've been running away seems I forgot for too long.. that we couldn't get everything we wanted in this world. Not all people we like could like us back just because we tried and not all feelings could be remanded and equal.

This is the time to appreciate my own worth. To appreciate me more than I appreciate him, More than I appreciate every one.

The time to give me more attention, The time to just think for myself, the time to think for my only happiness, and the time to give myself time to heal, even it means closure.

Closure means ending the story of my first love and having a sad ending in my own book.