Daughters

Marja-Anne Karlsson

"Oh my! is that the radiant Anne and her even more beautiful mother Margaret" that voice belongs to Commander Allen Clark's wife Shelby , she has just about the loudest Boston accent in existence, she's nice though just loud. 

My mother stands up to hug her and asks how she is, they continue in their own conversation before a but eventually she turns to me.

"Its been so long since I've last seen you! last time i saw you you were still in pink and look at you now wearing that lovely green, it so compliments your skin it really does" I smile awkwardly, I've never taken well to compliments it always feels like I'm supposed to say something back more than just thank you

"Thank you Mrs. Clark I appreciate the compliment greatly, I think we all know what the green means so I'm very excited" I lie through my teeth about the green, I hate this color, It means ill have to be married soon, I'm lucky I haven't been married off already.

We sit and talk until its time for the birthing ceremony, I'm not allowed inside so I just sit and wait in the living room alone or so i wished to be alone. I saw the Carter's oldest son Matthew walk in the room dressed in a grey suit, he straightens his tie and sits on the couch in front of me crossing his left leg over his right.

"Blessed be the fruit" he stares at me, its somewhat uncomfortable.

"May the Lord open" I responded in a sweet voice, dare i seem uninterested in him and he makes a scene.

"I hear your parents new handmaid hasn't produced yet"

 how does he know this before even i officially know this.

"No, she had not, but god willing she will produce a child soon" why are we even having this conversation. I can see his expression change from stoic to somewhat nervous, like he cant think of what to say next, his right leg starts bouncing shaking his left leg. 

"That green color looks nice on you, I assume you know what it means" he says nervously, you can almost hear the shaking in his voice.

ah now I see why he's actually talking to me.

"Yes, I know what this color means, and god willing the Commander will pick a good husband for me" I almost want to vomit saying that, the Commander picking my husband sounds more like a nightmare than a romance.

He shifts in his seat before getting up

"Well then I will get going, have a good day" he leaves the room as quickly as possible, some would say he's flustered, i say he's a virgin with a hard on to get married.

I see wives flood back into the room with Mrs. Carter, she is holding their new daughter, everyone is celebrating and drinking. I really just want to go home.

After a few hours of chatting about boring things we went home, the Commander went to his office and my mother went to sleep so i decided to stay downstairs with Sarah, Lily, and OfRobert. We all stood there quietly waiting for someone to say the first thing. The tension was growing with every second so i decided to say something.

"So the Carter's had a girl, I dont remember what her name is but yeah...so...what do you guys think about that?" i dont know what else to say so i hold my breath until Sarah opens her mouth

"Praise be Gods mercy for a healthy baby, all we would want in this world is a healthy baby" Sarah mutters, I know this is kind of a weird topic for her sometimes, I know why she's a Martha which probably makes it weirder, she had a hysterectomy in her 30's because of uterine cancer but for some reason they said that was a sin.

Its become awkward again. I'm not sure what to say. I heard a rumor but im not sure if they like gossip. fuck it. ill say it anyway.

"Y'know I heard there is a place in Gilead where none of these rules apply, like for the guys at least. I heard they have marthas there and girls" As i say that I know i risk a lot if they are more pious than me and tell the Commander, I look at their eyes and see more shock than anything else. Lily's head shot up so fast her greying hair fell out of her hair cover. Sarah slams her arm on the table and angrily whispered.