Daughters

Marja-Anne Karlsson

She leaves my room in a huff and I get out of bed and open my wardrobe doors
"Oh but what to wear! I have oh so many options!" i sarcastically shout to myself, all of my dresses look the same all spring green made of this awful fabric that makes the back of my neck itch. I take off my night gown and slip the itchy fabric over my body before fussing with the back zipper, I then put on my knee length white socks before putting on my shoes. before leaving my room I grab my glasses and slip the cold silver frame on my face. Out of all the things that changed with Gilead these were the one thing I could actually keep, they weren't too flashy and my prescription hasn't changed so nobody has noticed.  

After I head downstairs I see Sarah preparing my breakfast, I sit down at the table and wait for her to tell me its ready, unlike most households I'm allowed to serve myself food. In the meantime I sit next to their handmaid and watch her expression, shes new to the house and obviously she's never happy although nice, who would be in her situation. The air is awkard however with her just sitting there....fuck it im gonna say something.

I breathe in deeply trying to think of a way to start conversation.

"So OfRobert are you going to the market today with the other handmaids? I think we have some chocolate tokens so maybe Lily or Sarah could make chocolate cookies?" really? chocolate? that's what I came up with? 

I hold my breath waiting for her to answer but i actually get a somewhat somber smile from her

"Yes, I will go the market, lily needs some things for dinner so I will take the chocolate tokens as well. I'm sure the cookies she makes will taste good" she continues to give me that sad smile until Sarah tells me to eat my breakfast in the dining room with my mother and Commander Robert, i turn to look at her face again and its reverted to its sad empty look

After gathering my breakfast I turn and walk into the dining room seeing my mother drink coffee and eat nothing while the commander has probably already eaten. I sit down and watch him type away at something on his computer. I started eating my eggs when my mother snaps her fingers for my attention.

"Anne, when we go to the Carters I want you to follow me into the living room with the other wives" I slowly nod my head while chewing on my eggs "and for heavens sake sit up straight, I will not have the Carters thinking youre a caveman" harsh but shes right my back is hurting, i straighten my back and finish my eggs.

Now we will sit in silence until Jeremy tells us the car is ready, the silence is so heavy sometimes it feels like it will crush me, there's not much i would talk about with them anyway but still. I hear the door open and Jeremy pops his head in letting the Commander know the car is ready, the Commander leads while my mother and I follow behind. 

As we pile into the car we only have to go 3 blocks before reaching the Carter's house but it looks unprofessional for the Commander to walk anywhere, this is kind of a waste of fuel to be honest. We pull up to the Carters house, Its white but you cant really tell what the design was supposed to be other than big, I think the word they used before was 'McMansion'. We get there first because we are the closest which makes it the most awkward. My mother gets out of the car and I follow her up the steps of the house before meeting Mrs. Carter, her name is Miranda but I'm not allowed to call her that. Its kind of obvious Mrs. Carter has some plastic surgery before Gilead, she has that tight expression on the top of her head like someone pulled her skin back. She smiles and welcomes us in, its a creepy smile though like the ones you would see in commercials where its obviously fake. As we walk into the living room everything is white it almost feels sterile just like Mrs. Carter, I know that sounds mean but it feels justified in my head at least. My mother and I sit on the conjoined white velvet chairs. I look around as see other Wives filing into the house before I hear a familiar Boston accent snap me back to reality.