Unspoken feelings

Feelings

I knew one chinese boy in my class.

He was so sweet, always waved hye to me and my friends.

After a month, I saw some changes. 

Yeah, he is Chinese all along.

Me and him, cannot be friends after all. 

I can feel his vibes when he's around me. He feels awkward although he was the one who waved and approached me first. 

But I can feel his awkwardness around us, around me especially.

I guess I am not a perfect friend to be with guys. 

I only have once had a good friendship with a guy which turned out him to misunderstood me to like him in a romantic way. 

Its just that, the Chinese boy is so cute and I like to be friends with him although I am awkward around guys.

I don't know, I know I am the problem here.

I don't fit here. 

I miss my secondary school. I miss the vibes, my friends, my teachers, everything.

I don't like it here. How am I going to survive another 5 years here? 

I don't know. Honestly I keep getting nervous in my class and I am treated like nothing. 

It hurts a lot knowing that I am not in a good relationship with my class monitor when I am his assistant. The secretary is fine. But I am not. 

I know I don't have the privilege like the secretary but the only thing I want is to be treated the same as others. As a human being.

How am I going to be in the same class as him and everyone else for another 5 years?

The class monitor have feelings for the secretary. I don't give a damn but please be just.

I don't know. I just need to step down and keep quiet for the next 5 years.

Its only been a month or so, but I can't hold back my tears whenever I meet my sister and my mother every Sunday. My tears came out just like from a damp. So damn much tears and I can't stop crying. 

This is my feelings for now. I really want to have good relationship with everyone in the class because I hate opening my circle and I already have enough. Maybe I shall close it by now.

And go invisible once I graduate. ='(