MAKE ME FEEL

Prologue

Unfold

HAPPINESS
(n.)

-the state of being happy.

SADNESS
(n.)

- the condition or quality of being sad.

ANGER
(n.)

- a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility.

FEAR
(n.)

- an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.

DISGUST
(n.)

- a feeling of revulsion or strong disapproval aroused by something unpleasant or offensive.

SURPRISE
(n.)

- an unexpected or astonishing event, fact, or thing.

ANNOYED
(adj.)

- slightly angry; irritated.

AMUSED
(verb)

- cause (someone) to find something funny; entertain.

DISAPPOINTED
(adj.)

- (of a person) sad or displeased because someone or something has failed to fulfill one's hopes or expectations.
- (of hopes or expectations) prevented from being realized.

LOVE
(n.)

- an intense feeling of deep affection.

Happiness. Sadness. Anger. Fear. Disgust. Surprise. Annoyed. Amused. Disappointed. Love.

Iilan lang yan sa mga common na emotions ng tao. At iilan lang din yan sa mga bagay na alam ko ang meaning pero hindi ko alam paano maramdaman o anong pakiramdam. Yes, you read it right. I've never felt those emotions. In short, I'm literally emotionless.

Alexithymia. It's a condition marked by lack of feelings, it can be difficult to recognize the symptoms of alexithymia. Since this condition is associated with an inability to express feelings, an affected person might come across as being out of touch or apathetic.

I'm not sad about it nor angry for having that rare condition. How am I supposed to feel that anyway? I can't feel it. I can't feel anything. I'm either as good as dead or a human robot.

This, is the real definition of 'fucking breathing but not living'.

"Alexi!" someone shouted. I just continue walking because I'm already fucking aware who is it.

"Alexi! May thymia ka dude pero hindi deaf." Here we go again with this fucking line of him. I don't know when did he start calling me 'Alexi' or called my condition 'thymia'. He's fucking insane, you see.

"Anong kailangan mo?" sagot ko sa napakawalang kwenta nyang sinabi.

"Galit ka na?" sagot niya na mas lalong walang kwenta.

"Really? That's it? Are you fucking kidding me?" Since the day he discovered my condition, he's been asking inappropriate and stupid things.

"Well, malay ko kung may nararamdaman ka na diba? Don't you want to be check or something?" I continued walking while he's beside me.

"What for?" I replied nonchalantly.

"What do you mean what for? Edi malamang para malaman mo yung cause or kung may cure ba yan. I don't know when did you become brainless. As far as I can remember emotionless ka lang eh." he sighed as if he's so problematic because I'm so stupid.

"Fucking funny."

"Oh? Weh? Alam mo na ang funny?" he stop in front of me and started checking me out.

"Am I stupid? Alam ko ang funny I just don't know how it feels. Besides, I didn't say your funny. Don't you know 'sarcasm' dude?" I hit him on his head and continue walking.

"Saglit kasi!"

"Ano ba kasing kailangan mo at pinepeste mo na naman ako ha?"

"Eto na nga kasi pre. You see, I'm grounded. My mom took my car. I have an important meeting to attend to. Pano na ko nyan?" reklamo nya.

"Di ka ba marunong mag-commute? Dude, it's so fucking simple. And what important meeting is that?" he immediately throw daggers at me upon hearing 'commute'.

"Commute dude? Are you fucking serious? I'm with a girl and you'd expect me to commute? And when did you see me commute in the first place?"

"Then now is the time to experience it then. Good luck dude." I told him then I pat his shoulders.

"And no. I won't let you borrow my car." I added.

He froze.

"Seriously dude?" he shouted.

That's what you get from fucking calling me Alexi. This is one of the advantage of having this condition. First, he can't piss me off. Second, I can piss him off. Third, there's no way he can emotionally or physically torture me. Fourth, I can.

-----------------------------------------------------------

NOTE:

Hi! :) If you're interested and wanted to learn about Alexithymia, you can easily search it on Google. I dropped the link here where I copied the description of Alexithymia.

Alexithymia is a true condition but my work isn't. I used it as a way of spreading knowledge about this kind of topics that people don't talk and know about. Again, this is purely a work of fiction.

Still, I hope you will enjoy reading it because I really do enjoy writing it. Thank you! ♡

-Dion

-----------------------------------------------------------

For the information:

Dictionary

Definitions from Oxford Languages

https://www.healthline.com/health/autism/alexithymia#causes