spamton x reader - [[BIGSHOT!!!]]

Part 1 - hey every!

I wandered through my street, what an awful garbage dump. And it's been awfully lonely since Susie and Kris moved away to another city, God mother fucking damnit.
I was thinking of just going for a relaxing, nice walk but now i'm just getting REALLY pissed off. I'm going home, there's no other explanation.

As I was walking, I heard almost some kind of rustle in an alleyway, the street now barely had anyone in it. Nobody had made any noise, and being the curious fucker I was, I went in to investigate it, It's probably just a raccoon or something, like I give a shit though.

There was nobody THERE, eh, probably just my stupid imaginatio-

"[HELLO] EVERY!!!"
"WHAT THE FUCK -"

"IT'S ME! YOUR FAVOURITE [#1SALESMAN1997]!"
There was a small, petite man looking at me from a garbage bin, a large grin plastered right onto his pale face, he had slick black hair that stuck up at the back of his head. He had glasses that made his eyes almost invisible, one lens a neon yellow, the other a bright pink. He wore a white shirt with a black overcoat, alongside grey trousers and shiny black shoes. He immediately hopped out of the bin, his hands moving eccentricaly as he talked,
"YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE [all alone on a late night?]!!!"
"Uh, yeah? So?"
"WELL BOY HAVE I GOT A [[DEAL]] FOR YOU!!!!" he spoke as if he was in a commercial, it sounded like he was shouting at me actually.

"What is it?-..."
"FOR THIS [I'm having A great time] DEAL!!! YOU ONLY NEED TO PAYY 892 [kromer]!"
"thats- that's a lot of kromer... Who even are you?! "
"I AM YOUR FAVOURITE SALESMAN, SPAMTON G SPAMTON!!!!!!"
I've never heard of Spamton g spamton before, nor do I even know him. He definitely isn't my favourite salesman
"MIGHT I SAY, YOU LOOK QUITE [angelic] AND IN NEED OF A [good deal]! FOR THAT I SHALL REDUCE THE PRICE TO ONLY 632 KROMER!"

angelic? Me? Why is he complimenting me?- I've only just met him, he can't say that straight away,
"Alright, 'spamton' ...what's the deal?"
"THIS [great bargain priced deal!] IS [hyperlink blocked] FOR 632 KROMER"
he began laughing hysterically after that,
"YOU WANT IT"
"YOU WANT [hyperlink blocked] DON'T YOU?"

I stayed silent, what the Fuck is a hyperlink blocked.
"..."
He spoke again, something of a different topic
"SO, WHO ARE [HOT SINGLES IN MY AREA?]- UHM- I MEAN YOU."
What the fuck?- He keeps having little glitchy moments, saying things he doesn't want, or mean, to say.

"I'm y

, I guess?-"
"THAT'S A VERY [pretty] NAME! OR [handsome] WHICHEVER YOU [ preferred options]!!!"I chuckled a little at his 'complimentary statements'
Actually, after talking to him for a little while, I found he wasn't all that bad. He actually ended up leading me to his shop... Or house? It was kind of both actually, he claimed to live there, but it's also where he sold all of his items he said were on 'half price'... which in reality, were really overpriced.

I actually felt a little sympathy for the little guy, I mean, he's been living in a dumpster his whole life. So, y'know, I did what any person would do.
I let him go into my house, of course.
Just for a little while I suppose

I suppose.
He can stay.
For a small while.