The Gay Delusion

9: The Guilt Delusion

Emilie blushed, raking her fingers through her fringe self-consciously. 'I was really hoping none of you would ask, but oh my gosh, it was just so, so bad,' she groaned, sinking deeper into her seat and hiding her flushed face behind her tub of potato salad in embarrassment. 'So bad. I can't even remember anything except for the fact that I passed out while he was trying to put on the condom.'

'You're joking,' I said, looking at Emilie in horror. My heart sank for her; the endearing honesty that drunk people possessed (when they weren't verbally and physically bitch-slapping you, that is) always made me smile. Emilie must really have liked Jason from bloody IT for her to have gone on about him so much.

'That's not even the worst part - he was so nice about it when I woke up! I was there just lying on his bed without even my knickers on for half the night, completely konked out while he slept on the sofa like it was no problem at all. I am mortified, Laina. I even considered calling in sick today because I didn't want to risk seeing him.'

It seemed like I wasn't the only one who was trying to avoid someone today.

Felicity, who had been trying so hard not to laugh until now, her teeth firmly clamped down on her bottom lip, snorted then. 'Oh Emi, I'm so sorry, but that's just so tragically hilarious! That'll definitely be a story to tell yours and Jason's kids.'

'I'll never be able to look him in the eye again,' she said, shaking her head and burying her face in her hands. 'We were going to have such sweet, glasses-wearing babies!'

'Don't worry about it so much,' I assured Emilie, reaching over and squeezing her arm. 'Those dreams haven't been shat on and shattered completely. We've all had bad nights, and we'll sort you and Jason out, won't we, Fliss?'

'Besides, speaking of not being able to look people in the eye again...' Felicity nodded towards Corinne, who had been walking through the office with her head down and getting on with all of her own work for once in her life. Earlier that morning, we learnt that she'd been given a disciplinary by Kate, who had been absolutely mortified to hear about what had happened at the party. ('She should've been downright sacked, but family perks, I suppose,' Felicity had growled when she heard, eyes narrowed and arms crossed like an angry schoolteacher.)

'I never would have guessed that she'd fancied Ronan all along though,' Emilie said quietly, her voice full of astonishment as her pink cheeks slowly lost their colour again as the topic moved away from her awkward night with Jason.

'What are you saying?' Felicity joked, although I was pretty sure that she was partially serious. 'That Ro's not gorgeous enough for her to fancy?'

'No, of course not!' she said quickly. 'We all know Ronan's lovely, but I expected her to go after someone more...obviously good-looking, if that makes sense?' Emilie explained thoughtfully, tapping her spoon against her bottom lip. 'Someone like Griffin, who I thought she had a thing with, anyway.'

My insides clenched at the mention of his name, while Emilie and Felicity exchanged glances. They turned to look at me curiously at my abrupt reaction, which had been to glance down at and suddenly become very interested in my nails. Hmmm, now that I was looking at them closely, they were desperately in need of repainting, the pastel grey having chipped horrendously and making them look grubby.

'Speaking of Griffin,' Felicity said slowly, 'what happened to you two after Bitchface bitch-slapped him across the face? I didn't see either of you for the rest of the night.'

'Nothing,' I said casually, using my thumbnail to chip away at some of the remaining nail polish on my pinkie finger to add to the aura of nonchalance, and still avoiding eye-contact with both of them.