Hugging the Future (SAMYU AU FF)

Feeling

Playing hide and seek wasn't nearly as fun as it was when he was a kid. The seekers had become too many, too obsessed, and too scarily driven by greed of attention and money. Among many things he wished for when he left his career behind, freedom was on top of the list but it seemed like it might be the hardest to obtain. Even after more than a year of being a nobody, even when he can be sure that no one has any more interest in his life, he was still in hiding. The inveterate habit fostered through over ten years of being known by too many people was regrettably ingrained, in his daily life.

Life, if you can call it that. Outside his small circle of family and friends, even himself was bleary of what kind of life he was leading, except he knew that it wasn't too bad nor was it great.

For example, he really enjoyed the time and privacy he had, including for that one late afternoon he decided that the weather was too beautiful for him to not go outside and break some sweat under the open sky instead of the while ceiling in his boring home gym.

He for sure didn't intend for it to be ruined by a full-speed flying cylinder-shaped plastic in the midst of his third km, nor by a loud cry from a giant baby that was responsible for his pulsing temple.

It has been long since people cry upon seeing him and he had forgotten how the not-so-normal antics became normal to him. So, the long stare and the round eyes that seemed to be digging into his soul, he didn't take note of, not until the unknown man dropped and wailed like those kids deprived of candies.

Is this man fucking serious? Yes, it was a man, though he acted like none at that moment.

Must be a joke, he narrowed his eyes, still somewhat expressionless, contrasting the faces of bystanders who had started to surround the both of them.

He wasn't in an ideal situation. He was always conscious of his status, or rather, his non-status. And being in public attention was the last thing he wanted so it was understandable that he wanted gone. As soon as the wailing hiked a pitch higher, he pulled his hood tight and turned to walk away.

But then the whispers started.

Not the whispers!, he groaned loud enough for only himself to hear. He had seen too many sappy dramas during his free time to know how the situation will soon progress. The loud whispers filled with assumptions were definitely not on his side.

Grudgingly, he walked closer to the man who's still looking at him like he's the most wanted murderer in the universe and bent down to finally acknowledge the man's very existence.

"What are you doing?" he kept his voice low.

"Y..You—" he heard the man said in between loud sobs, the index finger pointed at his nose. His eyes narrowed even more, brows knitted.

"You're Sa—"

His reflex manifested in his palm that swiftly went over and ceased the man's voice. He squatted down and patted the man awkwardly on the back with his other hand. "Ha ha ha," he laughed awkwardly. "Shut up."

For people with no context, he really looked like a bad man. Hell, he himself didn't have any context as to why the unknown man would cry that loud and if it was of happiness or terror. It wasn't like he was dead. Well, some malicious comments in the internet did say he's a dead man with no chance to return but people couldn't possibly be so stupid as to believe he's actually dead dead.

Shit, what if this man is an anti? But do I still have those? Bad news if it was the case. He just cupped his palm over a stranger's mouth in an all-black attire usually associated with criminals; yeah, it was looking really bad.

The whispers became louder, assumptions grew south.

He immediately took his hands and pulled the zip to his hoodie higher. "Do you hate me?" he whispered.

The man shook his head vigorously.

"You're making me look bad."

He saw the man's Adam apple bobbed up and down, before the crying stopped almost immediately. Then, the weirdest thing happened. In between stifles, the man laughed loudly; obviously faked and dramatic, yet effective to disperse the crowd as the man stood and made a gesture of sorry and I'm okay.

When the last of peoples who lingered around to make sure the man was really okay finally went back to jogging as well, the man's face returned to the first expression he saw before the whole crying fiasco; face red and wet, eyes threatening to break the dam once more but he could see that the man's quivering lips was forming a smile.

"You're Sam Lin, you're the Sam Lin."

Sam Lin. So familiar yet so estranged. It was a stage name, a combination of his English and Chinese name but no one really calls him that. At least, not one he's close or worked with. After no longer being the one Sam Lin, Sam was just Sam.

Sam lowered his eyes, feeling rather perturbed by the onslaught of unnecessary memories of the past and somehow reminded of the good, the happiness in the form of fans. The man standing in front of him should be one, he thought. He brought his eyes to once again meet the man's and smiled softly.

It was returned with a beaming smile and two common words that stung so harshly, bloomed so fragrantly and meant so differently.

"You're okay. Sam Lin, you're okay."