Intertwine

69 - Happy Birthday

"But you're not so sure anymore." He finished for me.

I nodded. "If this is how normal humans feel after a fight I am very glad I skipped over this bit of mortality."

"You didn't feel great after you'd been shot either." He reminded me. "Nearly died."

"Should have died." I corrected him. "But then I'd recovered pretty quickly once I was out of the coma and up and walking."

"You recovered once you accidentally set yourself on fire." He took a sip of his drink. It was a dark brown liquid reflecting the moonlight coming in from one of the windows.

"You really should have let me know that after I passed out I spontaneously combusted." I muttered.

"But you were going through a magical puberty!" He grinned. "I didn't want to miss the look on your face when the flames started on your hands."

"You're an arse." I pushed his smiling face away with a finger.

"Oh but you love it."

"No, I hate it, and you." I mumbled, deciding in fact, I did want some of his drink. I pulled it out of his hands and took a long swig, wiping my mouth on the back of my hand, before giving it back to him.

"Can we talk about when you were captured by the Ascendency for a second?" The mood between us changed instantly. But the relief I felt that he was asking for my consent, asking if we could, and was doing so in complete seriousness, was enough to ease my racing heart.

"What is there to talk about?"

"When I saw that video of you, I was terrified." He paused. "I thought I might have lost you for good. They called Bucky by his other name, James. When I heard you and Aditi talking I didn't want to think it was the same James from the video, because I know how much you care about him, how real that connection must have been and still is. I realised just how many times I haven't been there for you. And some of those times, he was." He looked over at me. "I read the report of Aditi's dream about you."

"The report?" I asked. I hadn't heard about this.

"She had a vision of one of your experiences from the past. A bad one. You had been screaming out for me to help you."

I knew what he was talking about instantly. I'd been trying to block it out of my mind since Gunn had mentioned it in that house in England, the one where it had taken place.

"That man," I swallowed, "he created the Ascendency after I tried to kill him with my powers. He wanted to have that ability. You know it was the same house they captured me at?" I laughed dryly. "I've been shot, stabbed, tortured, poisoned, beaten up, impaled by a giant pig, had my heart broken and yet that was still the worst night of my life. I realised that night that I was the only person who could save myself."

"I know." He said sadly. "And that breaks my heart. I know you don't need my protection, but I want to protect you nevertheless. You've risked your safety to save my life far more times than I have to save yours. If anything, you're my protector."

I smiled. "I guess so."

"As much as I'm loathed to admit it, I'm glad you found Bucky again, because I know he wants to protect you just as much as I do." He took a sip of his drink. "But that doesn't mean I'm not jealous."

"You told me you'd lost feelings for me, back in the cave." I muttered.

He nodded slowly. "I was trying to hurt you."

"Well you succeeded. That certainly stung." I pursed my lips and looked him up and down. "Did you know sometimes I can hear them."

"Hear who?" He asked.

I gestured vaguely to my left ear. "The people I've killed. The people I might kill. It all started after I made that bargain with my mother. It's quiet, it only happens in the dead of night, mostly when I'm alone. She told me I had to tread the fine line between life and death, whatever that means." I sighed.

"What are they saying now?" Loki whispered.

I closed my eyes. "Some of them are asking for forgiveness. Some are saying they'll never forgive me." I paused, opening my eyes. "Sometimes I hear Fiona. She tells me it'll be alright."

"What else did you mother do to you that day?" He asked, his body fully turned towards me now, his green eyes blazing in the moonlight.

"Apart from giving me control over water and wind, turning my left side into an abstract painting and taking all the colour out of my eye? Sometimes I see colours in my left eye, auras around people, though I think I mentioned that. I can do this thing where, if I try really hard and channel all of my abilities, I can see the value of people's lives, I mentioned that at the time as well." I swallowed. "I think something else will happen though."

"What do you mean?" Loki asked, concern washing over him.

I'd come to terms with this, so I was calm as I said, "I haven't made my sacrifice yet. She said the power to save lives, the power to tread the balance between what is, what was, and what will be, all of it comes with a price. I think that's a price I have yet to pay." I leant my head on his shoulder. "I just hope it's not a price that hurts anyone other than me."

"I hope it's the other way around."

"Well you would, wouldn't you." I chuckled and put my glass on the table in front of me. "I made that bargain knowing that I would have to sacrifice something, nobody else did. I went into it knowing that I valued your life above my own. I don't know when that price will have to be paid Loki, so when it comes, do me a favour and don't be a dick about it."

"I would never-"

"You would." I laughed. "I'm okay with it though. I've come to peace with the fact that this might come at the very worst of times." I sighed. "Though thinking about it, I've sacrificed a lot already."

Loki put his arm around me. "You most certainly have."

"Ah well, that's the hero's lot." I smiled, closing my eyes. "I'm glad I'm not living in the shadows anymore though, but I do miss my cottage."

"I'd like to go there sometime." He murmured.

"I'll take you." I mumbled.

"Roara?" He asked, as I began to fall asleep.

"Yeah?"

"Happy birthday."