Nothing. This is what i feel. This is what i am going through. This is the state of my thoughts. Nothing.
And if youre a writer, thats a pretty bad state to be in.
You have no ideas. No thoughts. No plots, not even the most simple one.
You have no feelings. No empathy. No apathy. Nothing.
Youre a blank slate.
And youre doomed.
This is what i have decided to write about. Nothing. Not anything.
Not the nature. Not the political system. Not the social injustices or the human frailties. Not even on daily life. I want to write about nothing.
Let me first describe my life of nothing.
I wake up everyday late. I spend hours in the bathroom, to the annoyance of my family. I spend time on my computer doing nothing. I eat lunch. Spend more time doing nothing. I sleep and dream of nothing. I eat food. And before bed i sit to write, and realise how my life is filled with nothingness.
Maybe ill try tomorrow.
Today is another brand new day. Of nothing. The same old routine. The same blank life. The same blank mind.
This time ill try writing a to do list. That should come to something right?
Next evening. Staring at a piece of paper with the words "To-do list" scribbled on the top.
Tasks done - nothing.
Another well spent day.
Its not like i don't try. I do try. I try very hard. It doesnt matter if im only thinking of trying it, at least im thinking about it.
Day after day. Week after week. Month after month. Of nothing.
As ancient sounding authors would write, its been many moons since ive written something.
I still stare at tha blank notebook, turning slightly yellow at the edges, wondering, hoping that my brain would light up soon.
Days are now getting blurred. Ive been visiting people. Drinks. Dinners. Meetings. Text mesaages. Calls.
And still. I feel. Nothing.
No emotions. No thoughts. Just a blur of a day. I just feel nothing. And also, i feel tired. Very,very tired. Of feeling nothing.
Tonight i stare at my blank notebook, thinking nothing. And i write.
I write about nothing. I just spill the processes of my mind unto paper, i realise that, maybe nothing isnt that bad.
Its a terrible feeling no doubt. You probably feel like you should feel something. And you don't. And thats ok.
Its ok to feel nothing. Sometimes boards must be cleaned of everything before ideas comes in.
Slates need to be clean to become useful again.
White must be used as a base before other colours can mix to make a stunning painting.
And a notebook must be empty for the author to pour her words onto it.
Its ok to be nothing. Cause its from nothing that beautiful universes spring from.
Youre a blank slate.
And youre beautiful.
