21 . sink or swim

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chapter twenty one
SINK OR SWIM

chapter twenty oneSINK OR SWIM

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   NOVA HAD left the rat with Hagrid, but what she was carrying with her now, was a new heavy truth that she had tried to fight during the past weeks.

   When Nova had finally given in to Dumbledore's ‘offer’ for the job as the assistant librarian of Hogwarts, she had known that she would have been faced with the Potters last living offspring, and she had feared it as much as she had been fearing the return to the castle and all her still alive and vivid memories.

   Harry Potter, as Nova had told Hagrid (not that she needed to), couldn't look more different than Jonathan Potter, and though Nova didn't want to, pointing out all those differences became a daily habbit, whenever Harry crossed her path.

   Blonde, messy hair, round hazel eyes, a stubby nose and freckles on his light coloured cheeks — Jonathan and James Potter as well as Jonathan and Harry couldn't look anymore different than they did. There wasn't one thing reminding Nova of Jon when looking at his nephew; not one thing in appearance, but oh so many in his actions and behaviour.

   Hot headed at times, but kind in the depths of his heart, brave to a point where he became reckless, and ready to give everything for the ones he loved — Nova had heard all the stories of a way too young boy with a lightning scar defeating monsters and evil with not even knowing a proper protection charm, and she knew that Jonathan and James looked down at Harry, bursting with pride.

   Harry Potter entered the library, not wasting even a blink at Nova, as he straight headed over to his two best friends, leaving Nova drowing in bittersweet thoughts of what could have been, if there hadn't been a war back then; if Sirius and Regulus hadn't fallen for the dark side; if she hadn't been promised to that cruel man; if Jonathan and her had just have had the possibility to —

   "Nova? Are you still on this planet?"

   Her focus clearing as if waking up from a trance, Nova's cheeks heated up being faced with Remus all of this sudden.

   "I'm sorry, I — I was —"

   "Looks like you've caught some Wrackspurts", Remus chuckled.

   "Some — excuse me, what?", asked Nova, blinking at the professor in confusion.

   "Nevermind", Remus laughed, "I have this Ravenclaw second year, Luna, who asked me when we will learn about Wrackspurts in my class. I had an ... indeed very interesting lesson about them after class." As Nova still looked at him dazzled, he added with a smile, "Luna has a very blooming imagination, even for a Ravenclaw."

   "Oh, I see", Nova said, her cheeks still burning.

   She had done a lot to avoid Remus during the past days, and Remus himself didn't much seem to mind. She hadn't seen him around the library as often as she used to. But then again it had been full moon just a week ago, and the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor was still looking quite exhausted.

   "How can I help you?", she asked, resting her sweaty palms on the pile of books placed on the desk in front of her.

   "It would pretty much help me, if you'd stop going out of my way", he said, the smile still on his lips.

   "I didn't —"

   "You did", he cut her off with a laughter. "Really, you could have just waited until I returned from Severus, it hadn't taken that long."

   "What did he want?", asked Nova in a sad attempt to change the subject, and Remus seemed to smell her plan.

   "That's really not the place to talk about it", he said. "And to be honest, I didn't intend to end our last gathering like it did."

   Her hands pressed onto the books they still rested on, being glad there was a table between the two of them. It was a strange kind of magnetism that seemed to force her closer to him, while all she wanted to do was running away and hide just again.

   "Well, Snape obviously has quite a talent to ruin a moment", she muttered more to herself, but of course in the library's silence she couldn't been overheard. "I mean ...", she added, remembering what kind of moment Snape had ruined. "I ... Well, you don't need to tell me what he wanted, if you don't like."

   Picking up the pile of books, to finally give her hands something useful to do, Nova straightened her back and avoided Remus' eyes.

   "It's not like I don't want to tell you", he replied, "I just don't want to tell you here. How about you come to my office after dinner? I —"

   "Remus, I ... I don't think that's a good idea", said Nova, and turning around, she walked down a long aisle framed with high shelves, randomly taking a turn and vanishing out of Remus' sight.

   He didn't even call after her, he let her run away just like that, and though she was the one trying to hide from him, his lack of ambition to hold her back was hurting somewhere deep inside.

   Rounding another corner, all the books tumbled from her arms, when she bumped into the person trying to turn from the aisle she was about to go.

   "Sorry, I —"

   "Stop apologising, would you?", Remus Lupin asked, having Nova swallowing thickly. "Why are you always running away from me?"

   Frustration and anger were mixing inside her, and Nova left the books laying all around her feet, as she furrowed her eyebrows.

   "So you're blaming me for running, while all you do is pretending that nothing happened at our last gathering?", she blurted out in a sharp hiss. "Blimey! We both know what would have happened, if Snape hadn't stuck his ugly nose out of your fireplace! And I can't have that happening! So stop asking me on those gatherings, would you?"

   Blinking, he kept standing like he was, just inches away from her with those books to their feet and her words between them.

   "If I would be able to keep away from you ... Don't you think I'm trying?", he whispered back, his voice much softer than his. "I know what's on your mind, I know this can't — this shouldn't happen! I am what I am, and you ..."

   "This has nothing to do with what you are", Nova replied. "Nothing! From the two of us, it isn't you to be the monster, Remus. You know nothing about me, nothing about my past, or the scars on my body. Whatever Jon had told you, it wasn't more than rippled water, while in reality, it is tossing waves! You'll drown, before you will remember the way back to the shore and away from me!"

   Remus took a step forward, and Nova found her back pressed against the shelf behind her, but she barely felt the pressure against her spine, as Remus warm lips met hers and had every other sensation inside her blowing up in fireworks. The smell of old books mingling with his closeness, and for a second she considered to push him away, if it wasn't for his hands to close around her wrists and pin them against the row of books behind her head. It was the kind of kiss that didn't happen caused by attraction, but pure gravity; unable to find the right words to explain what was going on.

   "I know how to swim, Nova", he breathed when they parted, her hands still caught in his. "That's why I chose to jump into your waters."

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✔️𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐋𝐈𝐁𝐑𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐀𝐍 → 𝑟.𝑙𝑢𝑝𝑖𝑛Dove le storie prendono vita. Scoprilo ora