1.1 | daunting medleys

twenty-five | on the bad days

The metallic taste of blood filled her mouth. Her chest constricted till it felt Tabitha would die.

Music will take you nowhere.

She opened her mouth to scream but nothing came out.

I love you, that's why I am doing this.

Tabitha couldn't breathe. Her phone was ringing non stop. She couldn't answer. She couldn't move. She was tired.

Music is for people with no future. You are bright. You will make me proud.

She hated how weak she was. How Tabitha was trembling like she was cold, but she was. The cold crept into her chest. She tried but her chest was beating fast, she rolled over and burrowed her head into the space between her knees. Her fingertips were as cold as ice. She felt hot but cold crept up her spine. She was weak. The world was silent, like it gave her space to breakdown.

You are forcing me to do this, Tabitha. I don't want to, but don't worry. It will hurt but I do this because I love you. Her mother said, her eyes as fierce as it was downstairs, was alight from the fire, as she burnt the first and last violin Tabitha ever owned.

You are hurting yourself, darling. She whispered as twelve year old Tabitha fought out of her grip to save her beloved instrument, crying as the violin burnt to a crisp. Her palm hurt and the smell of her burning flesh was imbedded in every molecule of oxygen that she shakily took in. Her skin burnt off, it was grotesque looking. Blood and blackened skin covered her palm. She didn't cry. Just watched as fire ate at the wood until tears from not blinking filled her eyes. Just watched until smoke filled her lungs. Just watched.

Her phone kept ringing. She watched it ring on her bedside table. Tabitha was numb. She reached out for her phone, and when she saw Oliver's name, her hands trembled. He'd called her 11 times already and it was made twelve when the call ended. He called again, and she swiped, tears falling down in fervent drops.

"Tabitha? Are you alright?" He asked worriedly. His voice dripped in honeyed care.

She smiled cynically. "No." Her voice cracked halfway and pain spilled through. What she said came out hoarse, and she winced because her shoulders hurt, her knee hurt and her chest felt like it was caving in within itself.

Oliver was silent for a while. "I'm here." He whispered tenderly. "I'm here if you need anything." There was ruffling in the background, and the low hum of distinctive chatter. Tabitha put the call on speaker and laid down beside it, and as she listened closely, she could hear his tortured breathing.

"I'm here. If you need anything." Her eyes were shut, she wanted to forget her violin. She wanted to forget her mother. She wanted to forget her family's situation. So she did, by imagining how Oliver would have looked at the moment. If his hair was messy, or if his tumultuous grey eyes were closed. Did he have the same soft yet broken gentleness in his eyes? Was he angry at her for disturbing him? Did he despise her the way the world seemed to?

"Will you talk to me? About anything? Please." Her voice was soft and rough, and a tear slipped out.

"Of course." His voice pulled Tabitha out of the dark. "I'm at the hospital. I'm okay but my sister's not. She got bit by a snake in my grandma's garden and my mum's freaking out. I managed to get some of the venom out and I've never been that scared in my life."

Tabitha smiled ruefully "If you need to go, I understand. Hope your sister's okay."

"My sister's fine, Tabitha. She has my mum with her at the moment and you have me." He whispered the last part slowly.

Her fastly beating heart calmed, a little. "I'm being a bother."

"You aren't. I don't think it's physically possible for you to bother me. I'll always make time for you, just like I am now." His voice was slow and tempting, and Tabitha's cheeks burned. She smiled, despite the wet trails on her face. Her head seemed at peace, just listened to him talk to her. Her heart thrummed to the tempo of her anxieties and fears as they calmed.

"Are you still here, with me?" He asked when she hadn't answered him.

Tabitha murmured, even though her head hurt and her eyes were swollen, even though she want to close her eyes, even though she was spinning. "Yes."

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