Pancakes for dinner - JJPOPE

Chapter five

JJ supposes she wouldn't mind if he goes into the choir room and finishes up the chords. Shrugging his shoulders, JJ takes hold of the acoustic guitar he always plays and disappears out back, slumping into the usual comfortable seat that he sat at. The chords that they had completed were all written out through his songbook, just the last two verses to perfect and he would be finished.

Getting himself started, JJ plays over the chords already figured out, singing softly along to the words as his fingers pluck beautiful melodies, the song piecing together perfectly. For once in his life, JJ actually felt pride swell through his stomach in himself for how his voice sounded. He was always told that it was too soft, too sweet for a boy his age, and JJ believed it. But now, listening to himself, eyes closed, the music taking over, it was perfect to him in every way.

The last chords aren't exactly easy to piece together, however, JJ manages to complete at least a draft of melodies for Miss Davis to read over before he finalises them. Glancing at the time, JJ realises he still has fifteen minutes before the last period was to begin, and decides against going off to find the group, staying put in his seat, thumbing over the chords once more. JJ wasn't interested in hearing any stories from classes or how Pope's date had gone and what they did. All he felt interested in this moment was humming harmonies and getting stuck in his head.

He is so engrossed in the music that he doesn't even hear the door to the room creak open, the only sound snapping JJ from his song's engrossed thoughts being the familiar pad of John B's footsteps. Flicking his eyes up from his hands, almost dropping the guitar to the floor, JJ's heart leaps into the back of his throat. The song is held open in his hands, eyes travelling across the words, and JJ can't help but panic.

Lunging from his seat, JJ screeches "put that down!" snatching the book from John B's hands and holding it protectively over his chest.

Eyes blowing wide with shock, John B's hands fly up in surrender. "Sorry, I'm sorry." He breathes out, just as frightened as JJ. "I shouldn't have invaded your privacy.. But.. why does it say ''for pope?"

JJ's heart skips a beat.

"Is he getting you to write something for him?" John B voices, tone confused, snapping through JJ's panicked facade. But with one glance at JJ's face, the pure terror, JJ knows he sees right through him. John B's mouth drops in realisation, before he's closing it, running a hand through his hair. JJ bows his head. "You.. You like Pope."

Swallowing the lump in his throat, willing the burning tears away, lower lip wobbling, JJ nods. "Yeah.." It comes out as a whisper, barely able to be heard, his voice cracking painfully.

John B's arms wrap themselves around JJ suddenly, tucking his face into the crook of his neck with a hand to the back of JJ's head. JJ freezes, just standing there, before easing into the warmth of John B and holding onto him for dear life.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He questions, pulling away and cupping JJ's cheeks. "I could've helped you out."

Shrugging, JJ sniffles. "I guess I just needed to be sure, you know?"

John B nods. "Are you sure?"

Smiling tearily, JJ nods, no longer afraid to speak the words. "Yeah." he breathes, letting the tears fall slowly one by one down his cheeks, John B's thumbs wiping them away gently. "I.. I.. I'm gay."

Saying those two words brought a heavy weight off of JJ's shoulders and allowed him to finally breathe for the first time in years. He was finally able to say it, to speak his truth.

John B smiles at him, that warm, comforting smile that eased the racing of JJ's heart and hugs him once more. "I'm so proud of you." He tells him softly, rocking them side to side slowly. JJ whimpers into his shoulder, gripping tightly at the back of his shirt. "I can't imagine how hard that must have been for you to say."

"It was even harder to accept." Says JJ, chuckling through his tears.

John B holds him tighter.

Finally telling John B made so much anxiety disappear. JJ always knew he would accept him, of course he would, they've known each other since they were little kids, that's too strong of a bond to break over something like this, but that didn't make it any easier. Having him tell JJ that he was proud of him was a big blow, for JJ hadn't been told that since he was a little kid and his mum was still around. Every chance she got, she made sure JJ knew how proud she was of him. And now that she was gone, it was hard to tell himself that.

"I love you." John B concludes, breaking their hug just as the bell rings.

JJ smiles. "I love you too."

That night, when they snuggle into bed, a whole load of self resentment disintegrates and a new fear appears. What were the others going to say?

For the rest of the week that fear stays lodged in JJ's brain, no matter how many times he tells himself that nothing will change. Him coming out as gay would only change how free he felt in himself, it wouldn't change anything within the group.

This weekend, the group is spending the night at Sarah's place to change things up. The entire time JJ's packing his bag, his heart pounds against his chest. He knows he doesn't need to tell them now, he could tell them any time, but he felt as though if he didn't, he never would.

JJ can feel John B's eyes on him, watching him closely from his seat on the bed, his bag packed and ready.

"You okay?" He asks, shifting in his seat to be closer to JJ's now pacing figure.

Running his hands through his hair, JJ heaves out a long breath. "I.. I'm gonna tell them tonight." JJ says, nodding to affirm himself. "I'm coming out."

John B reaches out and grabs hold of JJ's shirt, forcing him to take a seat. He does so with a sigh, easing into the touch of his hand on JJ's back, just resting there. "So you're ready? You're not just forcing yourself to?"

JJ shrugs. "I feel ready, but I also feel like I'm gonna vomit every time I think about bringing it up."

"Well that's normal. You've got something to tell the group and you're scared. That's valid."

"Yeah but.. What if.."JJ trails off, hanging his head.

"What if they don't support you?" John B offers, confused. "Dude, Kie and Cleo are dating. How could the group not support you?"

JJ shakes his head. "It's not that.. I just.. I don't want them to see me differently, you know?"

John B furrows his brows.

"I don't want them to think that I'm not the same old me. The jokster, stupid friend of the group."

"You telling the others you're gay, something that's part of who you are as a person, could never take away how they see you." John B says, voice stern, his arm now around JJ's shoulders. "You will still be you, JJ. Goofy you who makes us all laugh when you know we need it most. Out or not."

JJ smiles softly, leaning his head against the crook in his neck. "Thanks, John B."

"So, are you doing this?"

JJ nods. "Yeah. Just one thing."

"Yeah?"

"Please don't push me into Pope." Says JJ, laughing at the expression of shock on John B's face. "I know your tricks."

Raising his hands in surrender, John B gapes at him. "I do not."

"Whatever you say, man."