Alan Rickman Character Imagines

Severus Snape part 2

“Know w-why.”  You coughed, your throat so dry it burned. Severus took the seat beside you still holding your hand.  

“We have your note. I took it from Madam Pomfrey's office.”  Remus said handing you your not.  

“Thanks.  Can we have a moment alone?”  You said looking at Lily, James, Sirius and Remus.  You could see James and Sirius were hesitant but you needed to speak to Severus alone.  

“Come on guys, she’ll be okay.”  Lily said, leading them all out of the hospital wing.  Severus slowly took the note from your grasp.  “Thank you for showing me what love was”. You were talking about him, and he knew it.  You did this to yourself because of him and he would never forgive himself for being the reason he almost lost you.  

“You don't know the whole story, you don’t know the truth.  I never used you, I would never use you.”  He sniffled.  

“Severus, I heard you talking to Lucius.  You just wanted Lily, she’s all you’ve ever wanted.  You needed someone to make her jealous.”  

“No that's not it.  I didn’t mean it like that.  When I said she was finally getting jealous I didn’t say it because I wanted her to be jealous of our relationship.  I meant it as she was finally getting jealous of us always hanging out together.  We all used to be friends, the three of us, but since everything that happened last year and us being together she won’t hang out with you because you're always with me. It just seemed that lately she’s been jealous of the time me and you spend together.  When I noticed that I thought maybe if she saw us together all the time then she would get jealous that you don’t spend time with her and maybe she’d come back.  I thought we could all be friends again.  I miss Lily, yes, but I miss her as a friend.  She will never love me and I accept that. Honestly I’m glad because I have you.  I found the person who makes me happier than I have ever been and that is you.  I will never love Lily again, it will always be you, but I miss her friendship and I wish she could look past what happened last year.  Making her jealous was never about love, it was about the three of us being able to spend time together again like before.  If you don’t believe me ask Lucius he’ll tell you the same thing.  Please you have to believe me.  I love you. Baby, I love you.”  He sobbed through his entire explanation. 

Severus hated calling you baby.  He thought it was silly, but he knew that it made you feel better being called baby.  He only called you that when you were really upset and needed comfort and right now you needed comfort now more than ever.

“I believe you.  I’m so sorry.”  You cried, making your throat hurt even worse.  “I’m sorry I should have let you explain.  I almost did it, Severus, I almost left you, I’m so sorry.”  

“Sh, you have nothing to apologise for, I never should have let you leave without hearing the truth.  I should have explained, this is my fault.  You almost died because of me, I.  I’m sorry, everything I touch I ruin.  I ruined everything, I hurt you and I let you walk away after.  I should have checked on you, I should have come to see you but I didn’t.  If you would have died it would have been because of me.”  He matched your sobbs with cries of his own.  

“No, no, I should have let you explain.  I-I’m so used to being unloved.  I’m so used to being hurt by everyone around me that I was too willing to think that you would be the same.  I love you, you're the only person I have ever loved.  You’re the only person who has ever made me feel like I’m worth something, who made me feel like my soul purpose on this earth was more than just taking up space.  You’re my everything, I can’t see myself without you.”  

“Please don’t ever leave me.  Promise me if something like this happens again you’ll let me speak to you. Promise you won’t run off again.  I can’t see myself without you either.”  He pleaded as he held your hands.

“I promise, I promise Severus.”  You choked on your tears.  “Please lay with me.”  He got into bed beside you, letting you snuggle into his chest.  

“I got you baby, you’re safe.  I won’t let anything hurt you, never again.”  

You were released from the hospital wing 3 days later, however Professor McGonagall and Professor Slughorn agreed you would have to go to weekly counseling.  Lily, James, Sirius and Remus still didn’t trust Severus but they would have to learn to live with it because you weren’t letting him go.  The day you were released from the hospital Severus and you went to your room where you searched for more razors or unnecessary sharp objects.  Any that you found you threw away to avoid any temptation. He knew once you started to cut it would be hard for you to stop again. At least this way you didn’t have the ability to do it.

“That's all of them. We’re going to get you clean again baby.  I know you can do it, you're strong.  I believe in you.”  He said cupping both your cheeks with his hands.

“I have you, I can do anything as long as I have you.”  He kissed you gently.  

“Y/N, can we talk?”  Lily knocked on your door peeking inside.  

“Sure.”  You said leaving Severus to talk.

“I know you must still be struggling, what can I do?  How can I help make this all easier?  Part of this is my fault, I never should have stopped hanging out with you. I want to be there for you, I want to help.  Tell me what I can do.”  Lily asked sincerely. 

“Forgive him Lily.”

“What?”

“Severus, forgive him. He wants to be your friend again.  You know he didn’t mean what he said, you know it was a slip of the tongue.  He felt awful about it, he still does.  He misses hanging out with you, so do I.  I miss being able to spend time with both of you.  I miss the days when I didn’t have to choose between my bestfriend and my boyfriend.  Please forgive him, start fresh, that's all I want.  I want us all to be friends again, hell even James, Remus and Sirius have agreed to stop bullying him.  Please Lily.”  You begged her.  

“....Alright, I’ll forgive him.  But if he says anything like that to me ever again.”

“He won’t and if he does I’ll hex him myself.”  

“Okay.”  

Severus couldn’t help but think of that unhappy memory as you lay next to him in bed over a decade later.  Lily and James had long since passed and their son Harry had just been sorted into Griffyndor earlier that day. The boy's presence brought back many painful memories, of course it wasn’t his fault.  However seeing him in the same halls his parents used to frequent hurt both you and Severus.  You both had seen Harry many times before his arrival to Hogwarts, afterall you were his godmother. Harry treated you like a mother, and Severus like an uncle almost.  You and Severus were recently engaged and Harry was happy for you both and he begged to be the ring bearer at your wedding which you both agreed to. 

You were exhausted tonight, the first day of term was always a hard one.  You had fallen asleep about an hour ago as Severus lay beside you reading in bed.  Your hand laying on his stomach. Your scars from that awful day are still present.  They would always be there.  A constant reminder of the time Severus almost killed you, or at least that's how he saw it. You saw your scars as a constant reminder of the time you almost let your insecurities take you from Severus. Severus knew how insecure you were about your scars.  He caught you looking at them frequently, regretting your past decision. Every Time he saw you dwelling on them he took your hands and laid kiss after kiss up your scars on both your arms and always reminded you that you were beautiful no matter what.  He constantly told you that your past mistakes don't define you.  He was right, now you were engaged and you had a godson who treated you like a mother.  Everything was falling into place.  

Ever since that day you felt alive.  Severus was your angel, he changed you.  He gave you something to live for and you would live every single day for him. You live for him, and he lives for you…. Always.