THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU ➪ 𝐂𝐇𝐑𝐈𝐒 𝐄𝐕𝐀𝐍𝐒

11.

I look down into my lap, not knowing what to say. Right off the bat, she's telling me the hard stuff. I don't want to cry in front of her, but she's making it very hard. "I know if I tell you what's been going on in my life, you might think it's stupid and that I should just forget about it." She rolled her eyes playfully.

"Reece, you know how many people tell me their problems everyday? It's my job to listen to people and help them. Nothing is stupid. That's why I am here."

I inhale, trying my best not to cry but I can feel that tiny lump in the back of my throat. "I just feel like my life has been such a shit show." I admit, looking at her.

"Why do you think that?" Kelli asked and I shrugged.

"Do you want me to go down the list?"

"No, you don't have to go down the list. But start off with one thing, and then we will slowly make our way towards the other things." She grabbed her notepad from the table beside her and placed it on her lap. "What's one thing right now that's been bothering you."

I let out a shaky sigh. I don't know if I have the strength to do this. I don't want to be this vulnerable this soon. But if I want to get better, and improve on the situations around me... I have to open up. "My ex boyfriend's death." I whispered.

There's a moment of silence, as she soaks it all in. "I mean, I hate him. For everything he put me through. All the yelling, all the name calling, everything. But for him to be so irresponsible and just for him to die." My voice cracks at the end and Kelli looks up at him, with reassurance in her eye. "The last thing I wanted was for him to go."

There's tears running down my face. Me not wanting to be vulnerable is already thrown out the window. "It's during the worst time too. The one person I am in love with and have been in love with for years is getting married in three months time. It pains me because she doesn't give a crap about him at all, only for his fame and money. God, Chris... he's so gullible. I can't ruin it for him though, because he's happy. But he's messing with my emotions every time I am around him. It's not fair."

I let out a sob, burying my face into my hands. I felt her hands on my shoulders, rubbing them to calm me down. "I'm sorry for letting this all out-"

"Reece, do not apologize. You feeling this way, is not your fault." Kelli consoles me. I lift myself back up and wipe my eyes. "Reece, I want you to answer this. Do you think it's fair that Chris is treating you this way?" I shook my head.

"You're going through a lot, and that is okay. I know you're a screenwriter and you like to write stories. Sometimes, the story doesn't always go as planned. Right? It always changing, and sometimes we do not like the way the story is going. We can't change how it ends. Only the author can," She points to me. "You are the author in this situation."

"But what if you don't know how to make the story end?" I cried softly. "What if you are stuck?"

"It's okay to be stuck. Most of us are stuck figuring our ending too. It's normal." She explains. "Life isn't fair. It's not how we plan it. People don't plan on dying, people don't plan on their best friend since childhood to be married to someone else. Right?"

"Right."

"I know it's hard, for it not the effect you." She tells me. "Do you do anything, to help you through all of this? Do you write at all?"

Should I tell her about the book? I mean, after all, if we are going to sob in front of a lady I have only known for ten minutes, might as well tell her about the book.

"I've been working on... a project, for the past few months." I tell her honestly. "Chris's brother Scott suggested it to me. It's all the things I hate about Chris. Everything that drives me mad about him."

"Do you actually hate him though?"

"No, not at all." I whispered softly. "I could never hate Chris. Not as a human. But just his actions... it makes me-"

"Mad?" She asked and I nodded.

"Yeah, mad." I say, and I am realizing that maybe I don't deserve the way Chris has been treating me. It's his fault but it isn't his fault at the same time. "God, there's nobody in this world I love more than him. Like everyone knows him as this huge movie star, who plays this superhero.. but he is so much more than that behind the scenes. He's the most gullible, goofy hearted idiot I fell in love with when I was a kid. I just wish it would have ended between me and us. Not him and Sawyer."

"If you love something, you set it free Reece." She lets me know. "I know it's hard to set the love you have for him free. But if it is meant to be, it will be."

"So what you're saying is, you want me to let him go upon his wedding?" I asked.

She nodded. "To help yourself grow as a person, yes. I know that's not what you want. But it might be something you need. Letting go is hard, but becoming the person you were always meant to be isn't hard."

Right then, I knew what I needed to do. I needed to accept the fact that Sawyer was going to get married to my best friend, despite everyone hating her. Chris wasn't going to end up with me, and as much as it sucked... I knew that I needed this to happen in order for myself to become the person I needed to become. If it had to be self love, or accomplishing a goal.. this was something I needed to hear. Someone to tell me that the situation I was in sucked. But it doesn't last forever.

"Grief is also a process," She touches base on DJ's death. "I know on the phone you mentioned something about nightmares, and how sometimes your ex becomes Chris.. we can work on that. But look at me Reece." I looked at her, with my puffy red eyes.

"Shit happens." 

This was something I needed to hear. Shit does happen. Life turns out to be crazy, but in the end.. it can hopefully become the beautiful story I have planned in my head. It's not like I was never going to speak to Chris again. He was always going to be my best friend no matter what happened. The love I have for him will always be there, but now.. I just need to focus on me. Not DJ's death, not even Chris's wedding. 

For the rest of the time, Kelli and I talked more about DJ's death and to help calm down my nightmares, even though I knew they weren't going away anytime soon. But it's a process. It's a process, and I am hoping that the outcome will be all worth it. I just got to wait for the hard part to get over with.   

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Hello friends! I am so sorry about the lack of updates recently. If were going to be open and honest, I have been struggling really bad mentally. With personal stuff going on, my car breaking on me (and trying to find a new car), work and now school... everything has become so much. I am trying to balance it all. No excuses, I just wanted to let you guys know that I have not abandoned this story, I just want to be able to write something when I am feeling alright.

Also, I loved writing this chapter because at this moment I do relate to it. And to the people who are also struggling with me at the moment. Just know, we are the authors of our own stories. Sometimes, the story doesn't go to plan. AND THATS OKAY! SHIT HAPPENS!

Also, stan queen Kelli.

I love you all, and thank you for being so patient and so sweet! I think theres going to at least be two more chapters left! So stay tuned. HUGS!!!!!! <3