Une Fleure Fanée

Week 9 Part 4 (Wednesday)

     In reality, I'm trying to remember some happy memories so I can front as happy. You are never going to actually be happy, Lilliana. So why are you even going to try? Nobody would care about you or your garbage mental state anyway. I have a hard time grasping onto something. Finally, finally, I remember an old memory of the first time I got my contortion handstand.

     I smile at the memory. It felt so magical. It's become one of my favorite tricks now. Luckily, right as I remember little Lilly finally getting the trick, the car pulls up to the studio. I get out of the car and walk into the studio. I start to get ready for dance class, but Gia pulls me into the women's bathroom and sits me down on the sink so we're eye-level.

     "Lilly, what's going on? Honestly, there's no cameras here. You can tell me," Gia tells me.

     "I'm fine, okay? I just don't think the new meds are working. That's it. I just want to dance today," I say, and it doesn't totally convince her, but convinces her enough to let me go.

     Gia's gonna rat on you, Lilliana. And then you're gonna have to confess the web of lies you've been yelling. Then, you won't be skinny and you won't be a star dancer. Gia sneaks out of the bathroom and I decide to take off my sweatshirt for my own comfort due to the temperature.

     I peel back the bandage and luckily, the cut has healed. I hurriedly grab my makeup bag and do a quick coverup job of the deep scar. Right after, as if on cue, Ms. Abby calls us into Studio A, and then the cameras are on us.

     "All right. Elliana has been cleared from school. No more exceptions for anybody. We've learned our lesson from this, yes?" Ms. Abby inquires, and we all nod.

     "All right. The Bermuda Triangle is in the ocean. So we have to create that ocean on stage. So this week, you will be dancing in water. This can look really cool, but the water will be hazardous," Ms. Abby warns us.

     The production crew brings out these little shallow boxes without any water in them, and Ms. Gianna spaces them out and shows us which boxes to stand near. She starts with Sarah first.

     "Your arms, like, swim. Like a fish. Make your body arch and your butt stick out when you come up. Up, cross. Right," Ms. Abby instructs.

     After learning the majority of the choreography, we run it. I'm terrified of slipping, even without the water. Also, the dancing has become a little less interesting to me. Loss of interest. Another depression symptom. You're gonna slip and then you won't be able to dance anymore, Lilliana. You're going to be an embarrassment on the stage. You're going to embarrass the ALDC.

     "Brady, your hands are really starting to bother me. Keep them together. Like, keep them even. All right? Sarah, I want to work with you, and the rest of y'all, school, lunch, home," Ms. Abby comments.

     We nod in understanding and everybody but Sarah rushes out of the room so we can do school. At least I finished most of today's school yesterday, but I'm still required to do three hours unless I finish the curriculum. I'm almost already done with math, and it's not even April. You only can finish these things fast because you rush, Lilliana. You're dumb. You couldn't even name the seven continents if they were written in front of you. My grades are still in the As at least. Low As, but As.

     An hour in, Sarah walks out. She's been the only one to work on a solo, but I doubt that she'll work on it. At the very least, she'll get a couple of corrections from JoJo and that'll be about it. After we all finish our schoolwork, we have lunch.

    I get weird stares from the girls as I just eat the cup of cherry tomatoes. It's only 25 calories. I can see them looking at each other, like they're communicating silently. They're gonna ask you stuff, Lilliana. Get ready to lie your butt off.