Legos X Gertrude: A tale of passion

that fateful day...

It was a day like any other, Legos was on his PC playing [INSERT VIDEO GAME] with [INSERT PERSON] when suddenly, his mother called out to him in her thick Jersey accent

"Oi Legos, come get ya dayumn dinnuh."

"Mom, why do you keep calling me Legos and not my actual name?!"

"Comedic affect honey, now come give ya motha a smooch."

Legos sighed, standing up and walking out of his room, but he ran into his closet by mistake even though it was on the other side of the room.

"Hey, watch where you're going!" a sassy voice rang out

"W-who are you?" Legos asked in his submissive and breedable voice.

"I'm Gertrude, and who are you, running into me." She scoffed

"U-uh, m-my name is Legos...." he said, pressing his two index fingers together shyly

"Hmph! You have no manners at all, now off with you." Gertrude said, turning around with a sexy pivot.

Legos rushed out of his room, running to the living room, where a fresh hot plate of [INSERT FOOD] was waiting for him on the table in front of the couch.

"Honey, what the hells wrong witcha??" Legos mother asked as she took a bite of her steaming hot [INSERT FOOD].

"Mom...what's it like to fall in love?" Legos asked timidly, staring at his [INSERT FOOD] sadly.

"What koind of a question is that?" Legos shrugged 

"Yous ever had ya prostate examined?" She asked, "Yeah, why?"

"Well, it's a bit like someone rubbin' around ya prostate, it's real firm and pleasurable, god I love it when my prostate is nice and rubbed up..."

"...Mom?" Legos asked as his mother stared up into space, "Mom how do you have a prostate if yo-"

She snatched up the plates quickly, "GO BACK TO YA ROOM, GO TALK TO THAT LIAM KID OR SOEM SHITE!"

Legos returned to his room to play [INSERT GAME] with Liam as his mother instructed

"Hey Liam, can a woman have a prostate?"

"What the fuck do you think?" Liam quipped, sitting on a fan

Suddenly a voice piped up, "No, we ladies don't have prostates."

"Who the fuck is that?" Liam asked through a mouthful of [INSERT SNACK FOOD]

"It's Gertrude." She said, trying to waddle towards Legos, but the hinges kept her attached to her frame.

"U-u-uh, I'll talk to you later!" Legos said, frantically ending the call and running towards his closet.

"Be a dear and get me off of these hi- WHAT THE FUCK?!" Gertrude yelled as Legos accidentally headbutted her

"I-i-i-i'm so sorry!" Legos said, looking up at Gertrude as she fell off of her hinges.

"Well, you got me off, so I guess it's fine." she said in a huff, waddling over to Legos's bed.

"Uh, do you need help there...?" Legos asked as she flopped onto the bed not so gracefully.

"I'm quite fine, It's just a pain not having knees...or legs...or anything but a solid wooden frame."

"So, um, how are you alive?" Legos asked, "What a rude question, the same way you are." she huffed.

"Oh, um, sorry??" Legos said in a confused tone, "So are all the other doors alive too?"

"No, you just have schizophrenia." "W-what?" "I'm kidding" she giggled, "...partially."

"So are they alive o-" "You see Legos, long ago when I was carved and given a soul all I wanted was to be put on a nice front door, or maybe lead the way into a lovely bedroom."

"I feel like you're kind of dodging th-" "But no, I was put on the closet of a sad little teenage boy, do you know how infuriating it is to have to listen to you watch my little pony all day?!"

"I JUST WANNA KNOW IF OTHER DO-" Gertrude whipped around, "You're a peculiar little boy." she leaned forward, collapsing her ornate white wooden frame into Legos, "I like that~"

Legos blushed madly, pushing Gertrude away, "ARE OTHER DOORS SENTIENT OR NOT?!?!"

"I'll be going to sleep now, have a good night Legos~" Gertrude said in a sexy voice and she pivoted back to her spot in the closet.

"OI LEGOS, COME RUB MY NIPPLES!!" "WHAT THE FUCK MOM!" was the last thing Gertrude heard before she drifted to peaceful sleep.