THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU ➪ 𝐂𝐇𝐑𝐈𝐒 𝐄𝐕𝐀𝐍𝐒

10.

I look over to Sawyer who is sitting at the end of the table, talking about more wedding stuff. At this point, I am just zoning it out. All I can think about right now is how worried I am about Reece. I could never imagine losing someone I once loved. My heart aches for her. I know something is truly bothering her inside, I just don't know what it is that is tearing her apart.

"Chris," I focus back in and there's Sawyer with an annoyed look on her face. "Were you listening?"

"Uh, yeah. Sorry." I mumbled as I ate the pasta I made this evening. Dodger is laying right beside me, looking up at me for just a few scraps. At this point, I want to leave the table because the last thing I would want to hear about is wedding things. I just want to be with Reece right now.

"Well since we're on the topic of weddings," Sawyer continues. "Is there anything specific you want? You haven't really said a word about it in like months."

I run my hands through my hair. "Sawyer, I don't know. I told you, you can plan it whatever way you want." But then my mind switches to Reece again. I know she wouldn't want a part in our wedding because she hates Sawyer with a... loving passion. However, she is my best friend. She's everything to me. The least I can ask of Sawyer is for Reece to be apart of our wedding. After all, it is my wedding.

"I do have one thing I have to ask you about the wedding," She looks up at me, because this is the first time ever I have had my own idea about our wedding. "I want Reece to play a part in it, in some way."

Sawyer rolled her eyes and let out a scoff. "Please tell me you're joking. Like actually."

"You literally just asked me what I wanted for my wedding, and I want to at least have Reece a part of it. You know she's my best friend."

"Jeeze, for once could you not talk about Reece!" Sawyer snaps and I'm taken aback. I never really talk about Reece that much to her, but she knows how close we are. She doesn't know about the kiss, thank god. "I get it, she's your best friend. But you are consumed by her."

"I am not." I rolled my eyes, as I pet Dodger. I don't want to lose my temper. But when it comes to defending Reece. I always defend her. She's my twin flame after all.

"You are!" The blonde shouts, and I don't want her to shout. I don't like when we fight. "Like I get it, her fucking ex boyfriend died, so what?"

That's when I snapped. "Or what Sawyer? What if I fucking died? How would you feel?" I yelled back and she sat quietly. "Yeah, so what If I hang out with MY best friend since childhood. So what if I check up on her? She's going through a tough time right now and it's very inconsiderate of you to diminish her feelings like that. She's a human, just like me... just like you. So yeah, when my best friend is broken. I am there. She's there for me too. It's what we do. We're there for each other."

She sits there quietly, trying to find the correct response. But at this point, I don't want to deal with it. I don't want to deal with drama. "Sorry." She mumbled. I know she isn't. She doesn't like to fight. But she's always instigating it.

"It's fine. But I would like her to have some part in it... okay?"

She just nods her head, and I go back to eating my food. Maybe I am slowly regretting this wedding thing.

*REECE'S POV*

It's been at least a month after DJ's death. Some days have been easier than most. But it's the nights that give me the worst time. It's the point where I question what is going on. The nightmares I get. I get nightmares of DJ and I being in a car, and then he just dies on me... it's the same nightmare. I wake up in a cold sweat every time and I have a hard time falling back asleep. Some nights, it's not even DJ who dies. It's Chris.

We're three months away from the wedding now. I have never felt more sick. Apparently, according to Chris, I am his best bridesmaid. But I always like to remember I am the only bridesmaid. It's nothing I am proud of, but he wants me to be there. I'll respect that.

Problem is, I am still in love with him.

And these nightmares won't leave me alone.

"Chris!" I shout as I shoot up from my slumber. Another nightmare. I look over to my clock. It's the middle of the night again, and I don't want to go back to bed. I can't imagine seeing Chris die again tonight.

I make my way over to my computer, and start writing how I am feeling.

You appeared in another one in my nightmares tonight. I wish you wouldn't. I hate seeing you die or being taken away from me every night. It hurts me.

Chris, I don't even feel like myself. Harper says I am like a whole different person when I am around her now, Reed thinks that too. I just tell them I don't get much sleep. They recommended me to some therapist. I don't think I need help.

But in reality... I do. I need some help.

I don't really know where to start. Or what to do. But maybe seeing a therapist about these issues can't be that bad.. Right?

You're getting married in three months from now. There is nothing I can do about it. I have been bitching about this for months and months. But it's hitting me now. We're in the endgame now, and I can't stop time... as much as I want to.

I just want to kiss you all over again. I can't.

I want to marry you one day, but I can't.

I don't know if I want to wait anymore.

I hate waiting, but maybe... just for you, I'll hold on a little bit longer. You just never leave your mind and I feel like I have to do something about it. I don't know if I should let go or at least hold on for a little bit longer. My hope is running out. Maybe help is what I need. Maybe not waiting forever.

I hate how I always think about you.

After I am done typing, I look at my screen blankly. What was this all for? This book? I thought that it would make me feel better. But in reality, it might be making me feel worse. The thing that hurts is that I know that things will never go exactly as planned. But god, I really wish that was the case.

God, if Chris ever finds out I have been writing reasons I hate him for the past couple months, he might literally hate me forever. That's what I am scared about. We are friends. We will only ever be friends and nothing more. That was final.

I didn't go to bed after words, because I was scared of another nightmare. The sun rose above the mountains of Los Angeles and honestly, I have never felt more numb in my whole life. What was my purpose in life? To be best friends with Captain America and for him to mess with my emotions while he gets married to someone he doesn't truly love? To have every worst case scenario happen to her? It wasn't fair.

Then I remember something.

I grabbed the sheet of paper that Reed left me and I dialed the number.

This was a start.

A few rings went by and I felt my lip start to quiver, because the moment you realize you need help. It's a scary feeling. You feel like something is wrong with you, you feel alone... helpless in a way. But this is a start. Maybe a new way to the right path.

"Hello?"

"Hi, uh Kelly? I was wondering if you were taking any new clients."

-

this chapter is not my best, but we're reaching the end pretty soon! i want to say maybe like three more chapters left!!