The One Where Rachel Comes Out

Chandler just stuttered incomprehensibly in response and everyone else just watched him tensely. Even Monica sat quietly, eyes focused on Chandler as he flailed around and tried to talk his way out of the mess he'd put them in.

"Oh, my god," Rachel repeated, ignoring Chandler's repeated 'oh no's' as she watched him rub his forehead and thought about what she was supposed to do in response to Ross's one-sided feelings.

"That's good. Just keep rubbing your head, that'll turn back time," Joey joked as he patted Chandler's knee, clearly trying to lighten the mood a bit.

Rachel's not sure what she's supposed to do now that she knows this seemingly massive piece of information, but she couldn't just sit there anymore, so she got up and started pacing in circles while everyone watched. This could, and probably would, throw a huge wrench in any plans she and Monica had for coming out.

Beyond the horribleness of having to reject someone's feelings (and in favor of their sibling, no less), there was the added downside of having to tell Ross that she was the second lesbian that he had fallen in love with. And while Rachel knew that they'd never been together nor had she been aware of his feelings until Chandler accidentally made her aware, she also knew that Ross probably wouldn't see it that way. And that the whole conversation, which was feeling more imminent and more daunting with every passing second, was going to suck.

While Rachel was pacing, her friends continued to discuss the issue of Ross's feelings.

"This is really, really huge," Phoebe said.

"No, it's not," Chandler tried to argue, still trying to downplay this accidental breach of confidence about Ross's feelings. "It's small. It's tiny. It's petite. It's wee!" He continued, looking at Rachel desperately.

Unfortunately, she was pretty sure that she agreed with Phoebe. Even if she never brought it up to Ross, it would hang over the rest of them until it festered into some awkward thing about what she planned to do about the whole thing. Worse than that, she knew that it would eat away at what she and Monica had together, especially when they already felt guilty about hiding their romantic relationship from their friends. Rachel knew she had to handle it, had to come out and deal with everything, but, well, she was scared.

"I don't think any of our lives are ever gonna be the same, ever again," Phoebe continued, and Rachel knew she was right. She also knew that she really really needed to talk to Monica, who was sitting in the spot Rachel had recently vacated and looking up at her anxiously.

Rachel met Monica's eyes and stopped pacing. "Monica, I need to talk to you." She led her girlfriend out onto the balcony, where she knew that they could talk with little chance of their friends overhearing them.

Rachel waited until Monica had come out of the window and shut it behind her before she spoke, "What're we gonna do?" Her voice sounded almost as freaked out as she felt, and what she really wanted was for Monica to hold her and fix her problems, but their friends were doing that thing of theirs where they were definitely watching and trying to figure out what they were saying without looking like they're looking, and Rachel was too scared to have to deal with accidentally outing them on top of this whole Ross Mess.

"We could do nothing?" Monica suggested half-heartedly, with her arms wrapped around her middle, an uncomfortable look on her face, and more space between them than the friendly distance they used to keep between them before they got together.

"Even if I never say anything to Ross, the others are gonna want to know why I never went for it with him. Or why I never go out with anyone who asks. Or why we're never going to move out or get married and are gonna be 'roommates' forever. I think we have to tell them, Mon," Rachel said, eyes getting a little watery from the stress of the evening and the impending hugeness of what was ahead of them.